I wait til the Last minute to tell my GF things, I'm dumb right?

[bicyclejunk]

Have a problem. Me and my GF have been together 5 years. I love her, am always there for her......

 

 

I sometimes have the bad habit of waiting til the last minute to tell her things

 

that I think will bum her out or hurt her feelings. Even something so simple as telling her I

 

have band practice, when she totally supports me in my music. I just think about her getting bummed

 

out because I'm not going to hang out with her that night, and I get this guilt about going. Or going

 

out of town to play shows, I feel bad leaving her behind...so in my stupidness, I wait til the last minute to

 

tell her I'm going. Stupid right?

 

 

She is just a simple girl. Likes to read, does crafts, paints, has a few close friends, Doesn't party much, But loves

 

To spend time with me most of all. I don't mind that. I love more than anything to spend time with her too. I'm

 

Mad about her. I love her so much. I've cancelled things or called in sick at work, Just so we could spend the day together.

 

But I just get these fears and guilts of telling her I have something to

 

do...Or that "I'm going out of town"...or "I have a band meeting tonight so we can't spend the evening together"....

 

etc etc. So I wait to tell her stuff... and sometimes I'm vague with details. Because I don't want her to know

 

That I'm going to be enjoying myself, while she's at home doing her own thing.

 

Am I Stupid?

[Breathe]

I'm sure that with her love for you she supports your career in music and everything that comes along with it. She may be bummed out that you two can't be together while your gone, but surely she understands.

 

Maybe you should try posting your activity dates on a calendar for her to see. This way she will know in advance what you have going on and when.

 

Also, just sit down and communicate with her on how you feel. See how she feels, and together work out a solution.

[HokeyReligions]

Well, ---- I wouldn't say stupid!

 

What has she said to you when you tell her things at the last minute? Is she trying to make you feel guilty? Does she complain? Is she supportive? Does she say things like "I just wish you had told me sooner"? Does she ask to go along? Can she go along with you sometimes? (band practice for instance)

 

Couples are allowed to have their own lives outside of the relationship. It is healthy to do so. You are allowing yourself to feel guilty. Guilt often stems from the fear of discovery -- as though she will discover you doing something that you know you should not be doing within the boundaries of the relationship. Are you doing anything that you know would hurt her? (cheating, using pornography, doing drugs, illegal activity, etc.)

 

sometimes I'm vague with details. Because I don't want her to know that I'm going to be enjoying myself, while she's at home doing her own thing

 

Just because you would not find personal fulfillment doing the things she likes to do, does not mean that she also does not find them satisfying. While you are out enjoying yourself, she is home enjoying herself. Where's the guilt?

 

I wouldn't say 'stupid' but I would say inconsiderate. That's not a crime and can easily be addressed. Just tell her well in advance, or like someone else suggested - make a calendar for her to use.

[bicyclejunk]

Thank you friends,

 

Inconsiderate sounds about right. When I read that, I felt it was true.

 

I put the guilt on myself, you're right. It's not that im doing things to be ashamed of

 

It's just the fact that I'm out injoying being with the band and playing music and she

 

may be at home bored, with nothing to do. Sometimes i'll tell her I have rehearsal and she'll

 

tell me that's totally cool cuz she's going out with her friend to dinner and to hang out.

 

When it's something like that, I feel totally good, because i won't have to worry about her.

 

 

She doesn't ever say or do anything to make me feel guilty about my outside interests. But she

 

does ocassionally complain about the fact that she has no friends and is bored sometimes. (she's not

 

in school and doesn't socialize much)

 

 

Anyway, I shouldn;t put guilt on myself. I need to be honest and upfront and not worry so much.

 

But I still worry about her..........We broke up once because she felt she needed to be independent and

 

socialize and have fun with the work friends she had at the time..... I don't want that to happen again.