SR2 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 (edited) Hey all. I am a long time reader but first time poster to LS. I'm hoping for a little insight into my current situation: Met a beautiful boy at work right after I called off a 3 year relationship. Fell fast (many asked if it was a rebound, but it wasn't) and ended up in a relationship with him a month later. Our relationship was NEVER easy for many reasons including his insane family commitments (he still lives at home and has very strict parents who control a lot of his life), a very busy working schedule and the fact that he lives 200KM away from me for university. Nevertheless, we both agree'd it was worth all the difficulties as we liked each other enough. 5 months later, we are arguing A LOT because of said circumstances - I'm the first to admit i'm insecure and found the fact that he wasn't dedicating his time to me disheartening (even though i now realise it was physically impossible for him). A week ago he broke it off - his reasons being " you deserve somebody who can give me the time and support you need"; "it breaks my heart when i upset and disappoint you and i cant handle it" etc. All very noble and unselfish reasons to break up. I'm still young, so typically i begged and pleaded with him to reconsider, telling him I don't care how hard it is, I just want to be with him (all very true, but I went about it the wrong way- multiple texts and calls, crying when we met up to talk about it). I made it clear that I still want to continue the relationship many times, but he continued to state "its not right at the moment"; "it would be naive to start again so soon when the circumstances haven't changed". Again, all very wise and unselfish.. but at the same time, in his message he states "i feel something for you and always will" "if we are meant to be together, i'm sure we will reunite" But when i saw him in person he said his feelings for me were "clouded by guilt". He is a very traditional and conservative guy - in our 5 months together we never even slept together as he wanted to wait for the right moment, not when we were both feeling lustful. Basically i'd just like some outside perspective on the situation? Am i getting played, or are these genuine reasons for breaking up? Personally I feel like if you still have feelings for somebody you shouldn't give up no matter how hard things get. Is it possible though, that he really is just trying not to hurt me? And, I know many of you won't like this, but do you think there is chance for reconciliation? As far as him "moving on" to another girl - I am his first girlfriend since high school, and second in his life, and before I came into the picture he wasn't talking to ANY other girls on a regular basis. So its a non-issue. Btw, I have initiated NC from today. My last messages from him were one about how I am sorry about how emotional i've been about the break up (I saw him last night and cried my eyes out and begging him to stay) and that it was the best thing for us now, and a subsequent one asking for advice about my father who is ill in hospital at the moment (he replied to this, just saying to do right by my family and trust the professionals etc.. but I did not reply). Sorry for the long read! Edited April 28, 2013 by SR2
ThatJustHappened Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 There's no such thing as a non-genuine reason for breaking up with someone. The basic reason behind ALL break ups are - I just don't want to be with you anymore. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. He doesn't need a bigger reason than that. Sorry for your pain but please don't obsess about the reasons behind the break up. Trust me, it's not going to help you. 1
Standard-Fare Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 There's no such thing as a non-genuine reason for breaking up with someone. The basic reason behind ALL break ups are - I just don't want to be with you anymore. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. He doesn't need a bigger reason than that. Sorry for your pain but please don't obsess about the reasons behind the break up. Trust me, it's not going to help you. I agree with the essence of the above, but I do think it's a little harsh. It does sound like this guy was genuinely stressed out by the circumstances beyond control (the distance, lack of time, family pressures) and that played a real factor in the breakup. I think those are valid reasons that could cause a relationship to crumble. As to the "love should be able to conquer all" sentiment, it sounds like even if this guy does care for you there's a limit there. He's not willing or able to take whatever practical steps would be necessary to resolve the problems above and make the relationship work.
Author SR2 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Thats what I was thinking Standard.. If he wants to be with me he should take steps with me to rectify the problems. I just don't understand why people, especially very honest people, will tell you they "do want to be with you, just can't" and "still have feelings for you and always will" if they don't. Surely they realise it hurts more to give someone false hope?! Oh well. I guess if we are meant to be we are meant to be. But for now, NC.
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