"Are you asking me on a date?"

[irc333]

A guy who asks me out for coffee or drinks is either cheap

 

I get a kick out of how people judge right away the nature of the activity, and then associate that person with being "cheap".

 

I could say, "Yeah, women who throw that card out there are probably gold diggers and want an expensive steak or sea food dinner".

 

But, I don't. ;-)

 

The activity is irrelevant.

[irc333]

I think your problem is that you're going to all of these Meetup groups, where people go to participate in their chosen activity, not expecting or wanting to be hit on, and so when you approach them, they assume you mean as friends.

 

Interestingly enough, these same women that are at Meetups for certain activities, I've seen their list of chosen Meetups on their profile, only to see they've also joined Speed Dating related Meetups or an singles related meetups as well...that being said....it's moot. ;-)

[ScreamingTrees]

I think your problem is that you're going to all of these Meetup groups, where people go to participate in their chosen activity, not expecting or wanting to be hit on, and so when you approach them, they assume you mean as friends.

 

If he's picking the wrong groups to be trolling for dates, should he just go for a more "general" meetup group? Do you think that it's a good way to actually meet someone? Many people here seem to think so, and I guess it's just as good as any other public place where you'd be given the opportunity to get to know someone.. Just for clarification.

[sillyanswer]

how can you know if you initially "like" someone if you spend anything less than 1-2 hrs with them?

 

You're right, but I'm going to be pedantic and point out that I said "don't like". I find that it's entirely possible to discover that I don't like a dating partner in that sort of time, especially if we hadn't met before or hadn't had any one-to-one time before.

 

I'm not claiming any great dating skills here... I'm probably just fussy.

[Star Gazer]

Interestingly enough, these same women that are at Meetups for certain activities, I've seen their list of chosen Meetups on their profile, only to see they've also joined Speed Dating related Meetups or an singles related meetups as well...that being said....it's moot. ;-)

 

No, it's not moot, it's still an issue.

 

Just because a woman enjoys particular dating-related activities doesn't mean that she wants or expects to be hit on at the non-dating related activities. I know I don't.

[Star Gazer]

If he's picking the wrong groups to be trolling for dates, should he just go for a more "general" meetup group? Do you think that it's a good way to actually meet someone? Many people here seem to think so, and I guess it's just as good as any other public place where you'd be given the opportunity to get to know someone.. Just for clarification.

 

I believe he's picking the wrong meetup groups, and using those meetup groups solely to meet women.

 

Most people who use Meetup use it for the stated activity - skiing, hiking, biking, whatever - NOT to meet members of the opposite sex for dating. Yes, if you happen to meet someone as a consequence of being in the group that you like and want to get to know better and date, great. But to go to these Meetups for the sole purpose of meeting dates will likely result in great disappointment and annoyance to the other members.

 

My girlfriends and I belong to several Meetups or similar groups, and the few men who are there to find dates... trust that we can smell them a mile away. They're so obvious. It's kinda creepy. We've actually had one guy asked not to return to two different Meetups groups because it was obvious that he wasn't truly interested in the activity, but rather the women in it.

 

I've told the OP this about 10 times. He refuses to listen.

[irc333]

I believe he's picking the wrong meetup groups, and using those meetup groups solely to meet women.

 

Um...I don't use Meetups to "solely" pick-up women, not sure what gave you that idea.

[fortyninethousand322]

"Hanging out" if you're over college age is not a date. It's a lazy way of trying to make it a date when it's not really a date.

 

You don't have to say "I'd like to take you out" to make it a date, nor does the word "grab" indicate it's not a date. "Are you free Saturday? Let's go to Buckeye Roadhouse for dinner" works. So does, "Would you like to grab done drinks this weekend? I know a great little wine bar."

 

I think your problem is that you're going to all of these Meetup groups, where people go to participate in their chosen activity, not expecting or wanting to be hit on, and so when you approach them, they assume you mean as friends.

 

 

Where do people meet people to date if not meetups of some kind or another? Online dating is one way I guess, but still...

[irc333]

....I share the same interests and activities as these women.

[Star Gazer]

Um...I don't use Meetups to "solely" pick-up women, not sure what gave you that idea.

 

Alllllll of your threads. They'are alllllll about these women you pick apart, whom you meet at all these Meetup groups.

 

What activities do you actually enjoy without having to be around women? Which groups are you a part of?

[Star Gazer]

 

Where do people meet people to date if not meetups of some kind or another? Online dating is one way I guess, but still...

 

Meetup is not a dating site. It's social networking, using activities. It's a method to make friends and expand your social network, but not to find dates. It's like using Facebook to find dates. Do you randomly contact friends-of-friends on FB and ask them out?

[irc333]

Alllllll of your threads. They'are alllllll about these women you pick apart, whom you meet at all these Meetup groups.

 

What activities do you actually enjoy without having to be around women? Which groups are you a part of?

 

I'm a member of an outdoors group, been with them for years, kayaking, hiking, etc. And then there's Game Nights that happen once a month....and the occasional social groups where go out, dine and socialize.

[Star Gazer]

....I share the same interests and activities as these women.

 

Which are...???

[Star Gazer]

I'm a member of an outdoors group, been with them for years, kayaking, hiking, etc. And then there's Game Nights that happen once a month....and the occasional social groups where go out, dine and socialize.

 

Have you done a lot of hiking and kayaking this winter?

[irc333]

Have you done a lot of hiking and kayaking this winter?

 

Actually, just hiking and camping in the winter....the organizer is not much for organizing kayaking events in the cold weather, but when the summer comes around...we add kayaking to the mix.

[Star Gazer]

Actually, just hiking and camping in the winter....the organizer is not much for organizing kayaking events in the cold weather, but when the summer comes around...we add kayaking to the mix.

 

Okay, so it sounds like you're participating in the same few Meetup groups on a long-term basis.

 

Have you ever considered that you might look predatory, approaching each woman as she joins the group?

 

Have you considered that women share/talk, and that they share their opinions and experiences with you, with the new women?

 

You must be selective if you're going to pursue women in these Meetup groups.

[fortyninethousand322]

Meetup is not a dating site. It's social networking, using activities. It's a method to make friends and expand your social network, but not to find dates. It's like using Facebook to find dates. Do you randomly contact friends-of-friends on FB and ask them out?

 

I wasn't thinking of meetup the site, I thought it was just meetups in general (including but not limited to meetup.com).

 

I guess I'm a little confused on how dating works. I kind of figured you would do something you like (say a cooking class, I don't know), and then maybe you meet someone there hit it off (probably not after one meeting but you never know I guess) and exchange phone numbers. And then later on someone asks the other out to a date. Maybe I'm wrong though.

 

Perhaps OP should start hitting on women he meets at the grocery store? Is that how most people meet these days?

[Star Gazer]

I wasn't thinking of meetup the site, I thought it was just meetups in general (including but not limited to meetup.com).

 

I guess I'm a little confused on how dating works. I kind of figured you would do something you like (say a cooking class, I don't know), and then maybe you meet someone there hit it off (probably not after one meeting but you never know I guess) and exchange phone numbers. And then later on someone asks the other out to a date. Maybe I'm wrong though.

 

That's one method, sure.

 

But there is a difference between going to a cooking class to learn how to cook and coincidentally meeting someone, and going to a cooking class to meet someone to ask out.

 

See the difference?

 

Perhaps OP should start hitting on women he meets at the grocery store? Is that how most people meet these days?

 

Many single men happen to spend a lot of time in the produce and frozen food sections. If the OP was a female, it comes across as though he just hangs out in those sections, waiting for prey to pounce on, rather than just doing his dang grocery shopping.

[irc333]

Okay, so it sounds like you're participating in the same few Meetup groups on a long-term basis.

 

Have you ever considered that you might look predatory, approaching each woman as she joins the group?

 

Have you considered that women share/talk, and that they share their opinions and experiences with you, with the new women?

 

You must be selective if you're going to pursue women in these Meetup groups.

 

Funny, how that your'e making an effort to find something wrong here. LOL. You seem to be inherently suspicious of men actually....though I can't blame you....we do have a couple of serious creepy guys that had been warned by organizers to take it down a notch with some of the women. One was even grabby with the ladies.

 

Nope, not "predatory" as you so negatively put it, I'm on good terms with a lot of people in these groups even the organizers. You mean as "new" members join the group? I have been known to introduce myself in a gentleman fashion, nothing more *shrug*.

 

It's possible they may share information with the new lady, but it's up to the new lady to decide on her own to associate with me or not...she's a big girl/adult.

 

Anyhow, if I meet someone that does strike my fancy after building rapport with them, I wouldn't hesitate to ask for their number. You make it sound like I am just there get into women's pants or something.

[Star Gazer]

Funny, how that your'e making an effort to find something wrong here.

 

Because there is. And obviously, your tactics aren't working for you. Why won't you consider reevaluating them?

 

ope, not "predatory" as you so negatively put it, I'm on good terms with a lot of people in these groups even the organizers. You mean as "new" members join the group? I have been known to introduce myself in a gentleman fashion, nothing more *shrug*.

 

Nothing more? No, you ask them out. You just said as much.

 

Trust that if you're asking out more than one woman in a group, it doesn't come across well.

[irc333]

Because there is. And obviously, your tactics aren't working for you. Why won't you consider reevaluating them?

 

 

 

Nothing more? No, you ask them out. You just said as much.

 

Trust that if you're asking out more than one woman in a group, it doesn't come across well.

 

Asking one woman out per year, per month? What would be the limit to the amount of women I "should" ask out on a date in a Meetup group? Hmmm...considering other men in the group other than me have done the same thing, but even more so than myself....I guess I should relay Star Gazer's warning to the others! *Gasp*!

 

You are saying that asking out women in Meetups is a bad thing? I am not gay you know, I"m a staight heterosexual.

 

I have had both my successes and rejections, no big deal.

[fortyninethousand322]

That's one method, sure.

 

But there is a difference between going to a cooking class to learn how to cook and coincidentally meeting someone, and going to a cooking class to meet someone to ask out.

 

See the difference?

 

Kind of. Isn't it possible to go to a cooking class to try to do both? I mean people go to bars late at night to get laid but also to drink and socialize, sounds like a very similar concept. Though I could be wrong. It's a very fine line to walk. And of course, I say these things as someone with a very atypical dating life who doesn't understand much about these things. So, I hope my questions don't annoy...

 

Many single men happen to spend a lot of time in the produce and frozen food sections. If the OP was a female, it comes across as though he just hangs out in those sections, waiting for prey to pounce on, rather than just doing his dang grocery shopping.

 

Well, I think I'd prefer the organic section. Lots of health conscious people there.

[Star Gazer]

Asking one woman out per year, per month?

 

How many are you asking? Given all your threads about these women, it seems like it's quite often.

[irc333]

....anyways, back on the topic of the original topic...no need to de-rail it, Stargazer. ;-)

[Star Gazer]

Kind of. Isn't it possible to go to a cooking class to try to do both? I mean people go to bars late at night to get laid but also to drink and socialize, sounds like a very similar concept. Though I could be wrong.

 

Nah, comparing a cooking class to a late night bar is apples and oranges.

 

I am extremely turned off by a man who attends a class, meetup, organized activity, in the hopes of meeting women to ask out. They're so transparent. Trust me on that. They give off a vibe, it's obvious they have an ulterior motive.

 

Using your bar example, it's the difference between the guy who comes right up to you in a late night bar with f*ck me eye, versus the guy who's part of a larger group of group of guys at a sports bar who are there to drink some beers and pal around and watch a basketball game, who happens to see a pretty girl watching the same game, and approaches her.

 

Who makes a woman out to be prey; the other takes advantage of a serendipitous circumstance.

 

If you can't understand the difference, and why it's important, I can understand why you'd have trouble dating. It demonstrates a lack of emotional intelligence and social skills, I'm sorry to say.