etlasuite Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Dear Love Shack forum members, I have visited this place a few times over the years when I felt blue. I think it is a great website filled with rich stories and caring people, and it has never occured to me that I would be posting on it a few years later. I am a Turkish male, 23 years old living in Paris for my studies. I will write about myself and a girl I met a few years ago during summer camp in Istanbul, the Turkish city I lived in for the most part of my life. I thank the readers in advance for their passion to help others and for the time their spare for it. I was into sports when I was younger. Starting from age 10, I would regularly attend to Taekwondoo classes, then tennis, swimming and basketball until university. My parents sent me to summer camp starting from age 12 so I could socialise, do sports and spend my time outside (and probably so that my parents could breathe a little). I then began going there every summer. Four summers later, I saw this girl who had jet-black hair, milky skin, and a grace, almost an aura that locked my eyes on her. I couldn't describe her with words, she looked like an untamed pantheress in the wild. I was so smitten that I couldn't even speak to her, and spent the whole summer, well, doing sports. I hadn't any experience with the opposite gender then and was terrified to death : fear of rejection, etc etc the classics. Next summer, I went to that very camp once again and she was there. Luckily I had made a friend that bonded fairly easily with people, knew her friends so I asked him to introduce her to me. A few days later, I was talking with the girl and her friends and we played tennis together. I could tell she liked me, but I was too scared to make the first step, we were in this area were we arent really friends and yet aren't really dating. Then, on a rainy day, we were by ourselves outside and we talked. I was so infatuated by her, thinking about her 24/7 that I felt as if I were next to a goddess and had trouble speaking with her. I said things to her that no sane person should and I really don't know what happened : I basically told her that I thought she was an easy girl at first but that I was glad she wasn't. I do not know what has gotten into me and it will remain a deep mystery. I have dated many girls to this day, some of them I liked very much, and I never had this weird episode where I stutter, talk fast, feel nauseous and say random things that don't even make sense or are outright offensive. Needless to say, the looked like she was hit by a freight train and stopped talking to me. (figures, lol) I apologised a thousand times "nooo i didn't say that you were easy you misunderstood me blah blah blah" but the damage was done, even the most talented liar on Earth couldn't have undone it. Then I learned that her best friend was interested in me, which I rejected like an *******... It kept getting better and better. My horrible summer ended, and I never heard of her for 6 months. I then sent her a message apologising (still coudn't call her! our fight was horrible) and to my surprise she answered back. We talked for a while, and continued doing so from time to time. That summer, me and my friend (the guy that introduce me to her the previous year) were at that camp yet once again, but she wasn't there. One day she made a surprise by dropping by and we played tennis, then went to the movies, it was an awesome day. There is something I forgot to tell you boys and girls, I never stopped thinking about her since the time I first saw her at the camp the first time. I could just close my eyes and hop! she was there! I was very shy at the time. I'd blush when I would talk to girls I liked, and didn't know how to behave, kiss, ask their number, ask them out, flirt, nothing. I was just a pure boy who was in love with a mysterious black haired angel and I called her when I graduated from school at age 19 (I repeated the year when I had this "fight" with her) and suggested we met because that would be my last year in Turkey (I was admitted to a university in Paris). We met. It had been a long time for me. We had lunch, we spoke, we had fun, she bought me a present wrapped in a wrapper. I was so excited to see her that I ripped the wrapper - she had written something on it - it was a beautiful wooden wind chime. I always behave like that when she is around, plain stupid, thoughtless, acting weird, fast, talking fast, stuttering, talking nonsense and be hyper-excited and full of adrenaline. She crucified me with her eyes when I literally destroyed the wrapper but I couldn't help it, my brain doesn't function when she is around.. Anyway so I went to Paris and phoned her regularly. One night, I drank with my friends from the university, then at the end of the night I went to the Eiffel Tower. I went to the top floor and called her to say I loved her. I told her everything, how stupid I was when she was around, how all I could think of was her and I told her where I was at the moment. She didn't answer but I could hear her breathing. I waited a few moments and she didn't say anything, so I said that i was hanging up if she had nothing to say. The next morning she sent me an e-mail saying that she felt betrayed by a good friend, etc... A good friend ? A guy that obviously likes you very much and calls you from ****ing Paris ?! I literally couldnt BREATHE when I talked to her, I had to stop to catch my breath. It wasn't due to my fast way of speaking, my hear was pounding so hard that my breath couldn't catch up. Every time I talked to her since I saw her for the first time... But the result was this : rejection. This is where everything begins : starting from that day, I had a severe depression that lasted 9 months. I'd only go out of my apartment to buy what was necessary for my survival - food, etc - didn't go to classes, didnt bathe, ate once every two days, and shaved every now and then. My life spiraled out of control and I returned to Turkey for 2 years to my family and had professional medical help from my psychiatrist. I had many girls, meaningless sex, dumb relationships, good relationships and yet she is always in my heart. She contacted me during my depressive period after she rejected me, she asked about me and I say I was doing OK like it wasn't such a big deal.. She then said take very good care of yourself.. and I didn't talk to her ever since. I have changed, for the better. I am confident, I can talk to women, I date, I have a healthy life, but I cannot forget about her. I have always looked at her personal pages on the Internet a few times a year. It is as if I am trying to find her in the hearts of other girls I date, I am not over her and I still love her. It must be strange, not knowing her fully, yet being in love. I cannot explain this, noone has ever made me make a complete idiot out of myself just by being there. I am always very respectful of my girlfriends, I treat them like princesses and they treat me like a king in return, I sacrificed a lot for them and some of them did the same for me, it is not as if I live in a dream world, cut off from the real deal and fantasizing about women through her, this is different. I can't forget her and the more I type the more I realise this is a lost cause.. Or is it ? Please help me, I do not need very specific answers, just people who care. Thank you, this was very long, take care of yourselves brave souls!
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