grace777 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I cannot believe I'm feeling this way AGAIN. I was doing so well. It's been over 6 months since my breakup and this past week, those sad, empty, confused, longing, loving, missing feelings have all crept back in... They carry a bit more strength with each passing day. And now today, I have that aching lump in my throat. I'm not sure if you guys felt this too, but for about 4 months, it was constantly there. It's back. I feel depressed again. I miss her so much. Those unanswerable questions have come back. I've lost motivation and have so much to do. My mind is in a daze and my emotions feel numb at best. How long does it take to get past this? She was the love of my life for over 3 years. We were very close friends for 3 years prior to that. I thought I was over (or nearly over) her, but now, well now it may as well be December again. Not sure what I'm even asking for. Just some insight, thoughts, something. I'm shocked at how my emotions have taken me this week. And I'm even more shocked at the place I'm in now. I feel like I can't talk to my real life friends/family any more about it because it's been so long.
love1336x Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 You loved this woman for the past six years, and you are asking why you feel like crap? Lol. It's life. It's your attachment. All I can say that this is normal... Only time can heal all wounds might seem like forever, but the best thing is to let though crappy emotions played their part for the time being, but try to LIVE life as best as you can. 1
Comfortably Numb Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Fear not, I am a bit this way myself lately. I was doing fine and boom. Empty sad, emotions. But at this stage, I am more than willing to see this through to the end. You have to take it day by day until it goes back away. Try to listen to music that doesn't cloud your judgement. I like to listen to Miles Davis. Really get's me in a happy mood and I feel relieved. You can't control how your mind thinks. But you do have control over what you do. The hardest part is just that initial force to get moving. After that it is much easier. Stay positive and Look at the brighter side of the moon! 1
cavalier99 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Sorry grace. Maybe that other thing you had going on was propping you up more than you thought. Is that done? I guess just ride it out. Does sound sorta scary to feel that way again after so long. Well definitly dont break NC now. hmm Did you talk to her or something? Is there sneaky stuff going on we dont know about? You spoke with her again ms over confident! lol. I hope you feel better. Cav
Author grace777 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 Sorry grace. Maybe that other thing you had going on was propping you up more than you thought. Is that done? I guess just ride it out. Does sound sorta scary to feel that way again after so long. Well definitly dont break NC now. hmm Did you talk to her or something? Is there sneaky stuff going on we dont know about? You spoke with her again ms over confident! lol. I hope you feel better. Cav Yeah, maybe it was. It was a pleasant distraction and kind of a hope for something new, even if it was just a new friendship and the ability to meet new and different people from my normal posse. Nothing's happened. She just disappeared and I haven't decided if I should contact her or just let it go. So I've done nothing with it. It's been a week. It is a bummer that the new chick pulled a Houdini, but that's not what has me bummed out. It's the fact that it's another person who disappeared without reason or warning. Rejection... That, and this week two of my friends got engaged. And one of my best friends has a baby -- and here I am, dismissed by someone who I thought had promise, and still longing for the ex. No, I haven't talked to my ex. I wouldn't even know what to say. She'd ask about the new girl and I don't want to tell her the latest development. I'm feeling very dissatisfied with my life lately. At least I have been this week.
cavalier99 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Yeah, maybe it was. It was a pleasant distraction and kind of a hope for something new, even if it was just a new friendship and the ability to meet new and different people from my normal posse. Nothing's happened. She just disappeared and I haven't decided if I should contact her or just let it go. So I've done nothing with it. It's been a week. It is a bummer that the new chick pulled a Houdini, but that's not what has me bummed out. It's the fact that it's another person who disappeared without reason or warning. Rejection... That, and this week two of my friends got engaged. And one of my best friends has a baby -- and here I am, dismissed by someone who I thought had promise, and still longing for the ex. No, I haven't talked to my ex. I wouldn't even know what to say. She'd ask about the new girl and I don't want to tell her the latest development. I'm feeling very dissatisfied with my life lately. At least I have been this week. What a b*tch. She didnt even say good bye? F*ck her. Well there is your answer. Rejection. Youll snap back. Hey your work is going well! Right? Fly out to see me and well party! You need to get away form that area for a while..sounds too nice and clean. Cav 1
Am4Real Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Grace, The internet relationship you were involved with which ended mysteriously will definitely play a part in your general well-being, whether or not your actual break up existed or not. The issue with written communications as in the case of your internet relationship (InR), is they become extremely personal and emotional at a progressive pace. In living relationships, we eventually get to a personal level all the while going through the romantic physical stages and nuances of real life where becoming personal or emotionally dependent might happen months and months down the road. InR by the other hand, becomes emotionally dependent in weeks or after a series of progressive and “to the point” written communications. It is not uncommon for people to express a notion of the other person in their InR knowing more about one’s self than the actual real life relationship they had with someone else. Naturally, when the InR disappeared on you in the way she or even “he” did, you are going through another break up. This is compounded with the breakup you only processed within the last six months which was of horrific emotional proportions to you. Since you have so many unanswered questions about the InR, you are likely resorting to the experience you most recently had with your real life break up for guidance, reflection and processing. Let’s put things back in perspective by getting you back on track: The physical EX is gone and you were able to process the break up and mostly heal through it. As a timeline, six months is only the tip toe of realization, you need to give yourself a few more months, maybe two to three to continue with the progress. As I recall, your EX showed up one day recently and set you back, at least had you question yourself and her intent. Let’s make sure that doesn't happen again in whatever way you need to. With the exception of this forum, stay away from all relationships on the internet or for that matter any type until you move along further. You’re going to be lonely, we both understand that. However, you have all of us here to support you, chat with you and make you see everything will be truly alright in good time. Take a deep breath Grace. We’re all alive and we all want the same thing: inner peace! Have a wonderful Sunday. --- 3
cavalier99 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 F******ck. Professor Am4real is in da house! love the advise! Rock on! Cav 1
youngnlove89 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I wrote a thread about this awhile ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366192-i-ll-tell-you-how-ends It's natural what you are feeling. And it sucks. But you will get through it.
youngnlove89 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I wrote a thread about this awhile ago: click here It's natural what you are feeling. And it sucks. But you will get through it. **sorry for posting twice** 1
BigTuna Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I'm feeling exactly the same, Grace. My ex & I split 5 months ago after 3 years together, & I'm 5 months NC. First couple of months were obviously mostly grief but I started to get better. For some reason, the past week & in particular today have been very tough can't stop thinking about little moments & experiences we shared. Positive & negative I've past my driving test, I've brought a car, got a small pay rise, I've went on a string of dates with another girl, I've invested loadsa time into our new family puppy, I run 12km daily 5 times a week.... Now I'm back "here" in this mental state. I can't even get out of bed for a run Sorry for the slight thread hijack, but yeah, you're not alone. Guess I'm having a relapse
Author grace777 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 I wrote a thread about this awhile ago: click here It's natural what you are feeling. And it sucks. But you will get through it. **sorry for posting twice** I read this again today and, again, it brought tears to my eyes. I looked at it back in March and I think I commented...or at least I meant to. Anyways, it is beautifully written and very accurate. Thank you.
Author grace777 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Thanks Dr. AM. This makes me feel a lot better, kind of like I'm not so psycho for relapsing. I don't attribute it to the online thing disappearing, but it made me think that obviously it triggered those negative emotions. Thanks for taking the time to word it in such a way that is thought-provoking, insightful and intelligent -- I like to think things through and this was super helpful. I feel much better today. I slept in and then spoiled myself by going shopping for some spring clothes and getting a mani/pedi. Yeah, I'm a feminine lesbian, which is another reason I think it is hard for me to find people. Everyone assumes I'm straight cuz I don't "look" as though I'd be into ladies. Hence why I tried the online dating thing for the first time ever. I agree...no more of that for now. I clearly do need more time for healing. Grace, The internet relationship you were involved with which ended mysteriously will definitely play a part in your general well-being, whether or not your actual break up existed or not. The issue with written communications as in the case of your internet relationship (InR), is they become extremely personal and emotional at a progressive pace. In living relationships, we eventually get to a personal level all the while going through the romantic physical stages and nuances of real life where becoming personal or emotionally dependent might happen months and months down the road. InR by the other hand, becomes emotionally dependent in weeks or after a series of progressive and “to the point” written communications. It is not uncommon for people to express a notion of the other person in their InR knowing more about one’s self than the actual real life relationship they had with someone else. Naturally, when the InR disappeared on you in the way she or even “he” did, you are going through another break up. This is compounded with the breakup you only processed within the last six months which was of horrific emotional proportions to you. Since you have so many unanswered questions about the InR, you are likely resorting to the experience you most recently had with your real life break up for guidance, reflection and processing. Let’s put things back in perspective by getting you back on track: The physical EX is gone and you were able to process the break up and mostly heal through it. As a timeline, six months is only the tip toe of realization, you need to give yourself a few more months, maybe two to three to continue with the progress. As I recall, your EX showed up one day recently and set you back, at least had you question yourself and her intent. Let’s make sure that doesn't happen again in whatever way you need to. With the exception of this forum, stay away from all relationships on the internet or for that matter any type until you move along further. You’re going to be lonely, we both understand that. However, you have all of us here to support you, chat with you and make you see everything will be truly alright in good time. Take a deep breath Grace. We’re all alive and we all want the same thing: inner peace! Have a wonderful Sunday. ---
Bill in Tx Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 When the Ex is rebounding or just gone...human nature makes us want to do the same, for we feel as though, that they are the happy one. I feel that way, and my ex is unstable as hell. I have been low as well, but still maintained my stable home life for myself and my 2 daughters. (single Dad here, the girls Mom has passed away) The desire to Date quickly becomes overwhelming, since the ex is. That is simply not good......the pain makes you stronger and clearer and the need to be alone and get past it is important. I think sometimes it is easier to write this than to do it, but clearly it is for the best. We tend to think of only the good times with the ex and like others say, put them on a pedestal. My 2 cents. This forum is very helpful I must say 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Agreed!! I know the ex is out there dating. And it makes me want to do the same. It feels like a race, and I am losing...
BustedUpInside Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I know exactly how you feel. I will have periods that I feel like everything is getting back to normal and then the next day..wham! It's like I am back at day zero again. Honestly, the only thing that has helped me move on at all is to make big goals and small goals. The small goals are things like "I won't stalk his Facebook today" or "I am not going to sit and dwell about the past for longer than ten minutes today." Big goals are things like "I am going to go through my facebook friends with a machete and only keep people that are MY friends" and "I am going to change my look completely and not worry that he wouldn't like it" and my biggest goal "I am giving myself six months to feel however I want to feel, and to think whatever I want to think and to feel as sorry for myself as I want, but after that six months, I am going to get myself together and the pity party will be over." Not sure if this helps you at all, but just know that I can really really sympathize with how you feel.
Bill in Tx Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Brother, you are not losing!!! when you get out of the tunnel, you will be on clear tracks. Your Ex may not be so lucky, and it surely isn't a race, but I know the feeling for sure. It is amazing how many stories on the forum sound so familiar. Information as it relates to the realization of people is very powerful. Sometimes it hurts to know that the one you loved was maybe an illusion.
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