maiden555 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Does anyone else experience this? It's been months and I'm trying to move on and remind myself I have other options. And both guys I've gone out with were super nice and interested. After the dates I just feel so vulnerable and wish my ex would tell me he wanted to be together. Things were so comfortable and felt so right. I'd stop dating but that makes me miss my ex too, as if he's the only guy I'll ever have in my life. 1
seahawker64 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Does anyone else experience this? It's been months and I'm trying to move on and remind myself I have other options. And both guys I've gone out with were super nice and interested. After the dates I just feel so vulnerable and wish my ex would tell me he wanted to be together. Things were so comfortable and felt so right. I'd stop dating but that makes me miss my ex too, as if he's the only guy I'll ever have in my life. I'm pretty new here to these forums but I'll share a really honest story with you. I've been single about 3 months now, not by choice. I finally went out on a date with someone else here recently, It was OK but I did find myself thinking about my Ex most of the time. I went out on a 2nd date to see if it would better and while it was and when things started to get intimate, I just couldn't do it. I wasn't interested. I thought I was and I thought that's what I wanted but when it was looking me in the face, I just couldn't do it. It was at that point I knew I'm not remotly close being ready to date and all I was doing was trying to replace the pain I've been feeling with something else. I'd rather go thru this pain than have the feeling I felt trying to be with someone else. I'll heal better and faster alone. There's a message in here somplace, I think you will figure it out. 3
carteblanche Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Yeah, I recently started dating again after a few months and have had similar experiences. But honestly, I think that's a pretty standard part of the process. Keep focusing on improving yourself, and maybe view the dates more as opportunities to meet new people and even make new platonic friends rather than opportunities to start new relationships. At least, that's what I plan on doing while time heals the wounds. Does anyone else experience this? It's been months and I'm trying to move on and remind myself I have other options. And both guys I've gone out with were super nice and interested. After the dates I just feel so vulnerable and wish my ex would tell me he wanted to be together. Things were so comfortable and felt so right. I'd stop dating but that makes me miss my ex too, as if he's the only guy I'll ever have in my life.
denxnis Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Does anyone else experience this? It's been months and I'm trying to move on and remind myself I have other options. And both guys I've gone out with were super nice and interested. After the dates I just feel so vulnerable and wish my ex would tell me he wanted to be together. Things were so comfortable and felt so right. I'd stop dating but that makes me miss my ex too, as if he's the only guy I'll ever have in my life. I agree, dating sucks right now. I probably won't fall for another girl for at least another year or so but I'm O.K. with that. Think of it this way, when you do meet someone you will be in a relationship for the rest of your life so why not enjoy the single life while it's here? 2
siankat Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Does anyone else experience this? It's been months and I'm trying to move on and remind myself I have other options. And both guys I've gone out with were super nice and interested. After the dates I just feel so vulnerable and wish my ex would tell me he wanted to be together. Things were so comfortable and felt so right. I'd stop dating but that makes me miss my ex too, as if he's the only guy I'll ever have in my life. For what it's worth i think that when i date now and i can say objectively that yeah the guy is nice etc but the longer i'm with him the more i get upset inside because it's not my ex, i think i can rationalise in a few ways. 1) i can see this guy i'm dating is 'ready' and next to him just highlights how not ready i am 2) i think i should be ready but i'm not so i judge myself harder 3) i realise that it's probably because i wouldn't have been that keen on this guy i'm on a date with anyway (but i feel like crap because just being with another man on a date makes me realise it's not 'him' and also by 'him' i include - any man you could potentially have strong feelings for) 4) If i had met this person to say discuss a common hobby or something esle would i feel so bad and be comparing him or the date subconsciously to my ex? Likely no not at all as i meet many guys through various interests and because it's not a 'date' i don't get sad Hope that helps you in your situation. All the best x 1
soccerrprp Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Hey all, Best advice is to take a break from dating. Man, I know what you all are going through. I am in a strange situation that I am trying to get over and it has certainly bothered me of late, but strangely placed me in a dulled-out, calm. I have decided to continue my non-dating status and work on my plans to move and go abroad. Working on me, my family, my wants and my needs. Not too happy about it all, but needed. 1
Am4Real Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 All of you are making excellent comments this morning both pro and con. I’ve been there on both sides -- to date or not to date. When I’m not in a ready state, I like to think of the “date” as an outing between strangers for the purpose of company in each other. If there is mention of a second date, I let a long period of time pass by or not take the option of any further dates. In this I find it eases my comfort level and gives me the benefit of human interaction and healing from the past. By the way, if during the dating process, no matter how you feel at first, should the “right one” just happen to enter your life, you’ll know it and be all over the situation. Believe that if you will!
TearyEyedPride Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I think the initial dating is important because it helps you realize that yes... you're attractive and other people will want you. But like someone else mentioned, when you get past trying to outrun your pain and feelings, you'll slow down and realize..."Hey... maybe I'm not as ready as I want to be... so let me take my time and prepare myself for getting there". I think what you're feeling is totally natural. I've been there myself too. It's much more fun to go on friendly outings than apply the pressure of "dates" lol. 1
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