my new plan: I'm getting off this ride!

[swiftly333]

So, I broke up with him and immediately regretted it. We've been apart for 7 weeks, and every few weeks I contact him. I wanted to get back together, and he's only been wishy-washy. (You can see me other posts for deets)

 

After finding out he's seeing someone else and being completely hurt I decided to try no contact once again. I've initiated all contact thus far, so I doubt he will make any effort to contact me anyways, especially if he already has someone else to talk to, spend time with and distract him.... it's been nothing but a rollercoaster of emotions and I'm just exhausted.

 

Inspired by several post here and other sources I have come up with this new plan.... many of this I started to write weeks ago but didn't execute because I was still hoping he'd give it another go. I now think that isn't a possibility. I hope that posting this here will help me take it seriously, get some support and hopefully help some others going through the same thing:

 

Goal: 30 days of strict no contact. Stop obsessing over him. Start moving forward.

 

 

-No loop holes! No checking Facebook, instagram, Twitter, blogs, their best friends Facebook, asking friends for updates. Nada. No looking at old photos. No rereading text messages, chat conversations, emails, letters, cards, listening to.old voice mails. Delete them. Burn them. Hide them. Block them from your computer. Whatever you need to do to keep you from revisiting them.

 

- remove temptation. temptation write all his contact info in a card, deleted from my phone and gave it to a trusted friend and asked her to hold on to it then after a month I can ask her fir it back. (Let's hope I don't)

 

-put all photos, gifts, trinkets, mementos into a box as and hide it. without allowed to keep these memories but you're not ready to see these things yet.

 

Now that you've removed the triggers, triggers, let's focus on how to work on the mental changes necessary to stop obsessing and refocusing that energy onto worthwhile things

 

-stop trying to stop obsessing, it may only make you obsess more! Instead, think thinking it as a gradual change and don't beat yourself up if you start thinking about it, just try and shift your thoughts. And remember, obsessing won't bring them back, it won't turn back time. It will only serve to hurt you and push them further away.

 

- in the bringing it might help to allow you're self "obsession time" where you are allowed to think about it all you want, but when time us up move onto doing something else. Decrease this time little by little everyday until you no longer need it. This helps because if you just try and repress your thoughts and feelings then it might backfire and you go crazy as and do things you'll regret like try and contact your ex in a panic. I've learned I need to be tolerant and easy on myself and accept that I'm going to still have thought like that because I'm only human. So allow sadness, accept thoughts and feelings. It's part of the human experience, just don't try and hold onto it.

 

-stop talking about it all the time to everyone. Pick s few trusted confidants for when you need to, but you can't let it consume you. You need to be around other people,but that doesn't mean you need to cry to everyone. Try and focus on what their doing,talk to them about their lives. And just try and have fun and enjoy people, talk to them about anything but your ex! Socialize. Meet new people. Reconnect with those you may have lost touch with. You might be surprised at how not alone you are when you reach out.

 

-Make a list of all the things you don't like, why the breakup happened, why it didn't work and revisit this any time you start to catch yourself putting them on a pedestal

 

-positive distractions: exercise, funny movies, fun activities. These will actually change your brain chemistry and make you feel better

 

-Focus on you; after all its the only thing you can control! Work on bettering yourself inside and out, focus on self love, take care of yourself, be compassionate and kind with yourself. Visualize your self happy. Therapy helps tremendously! Do things you always wanted to do.

 

- reduce excessive idol time and stay busy doing things you love. Start a new project, projects up goals and continuously work toward them. (Diet & exercise, train for a marathon, plan a vacation, volunteer, home improvements, take a class and learn a new skill....whatever) that's not to Sat you should avoid your feelings, feelings, but you can't sit at home feeling sorry for yourself!

 

 

 

So this I what I am going to start to focus on starting today. I hope this help someone else too. Feel free to post updates on how it's going for you, you I will do the same.

 

Best of luck.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Wow. That is actually really awesome that I can see just how motivated you are about this!

 

I can't help but add how similar my situation is to yours.

 

I too was(and am) doubtful of whether no contact would make her contact me seeing how much of a support group she had with friends and everything.

 

So basically I just shut that whole idea that I would even try to wait for her out of my head. I learned just how pointlessly rude she could be to me. And so yes. Working on yourself, meeting new people, and just being optimistic and expecting the best from you, your friends, and your future can be great positivity drivers.

 

Best of luck to you! I truly hope that we can make it out of these stupid little setbacks in our lives on the way to true bliss!

[swiftly333]

It's so hard. If you want. Buddy let me know! Best of l luck to you as well.

[i.am]

Thanks for the post! My mind is in a mess now. Contact or no contact. I wish some guys can tell me what to do. And I'm still stuck in the how to love yourself disaster.

[swiftly333]

Thanks for the post! My mind is in a mess now. Contact or no contact. I wish some guys can tell me what to do. And I'm still stuck in the how to love yourself disaster.

 

I'm in therapy right now and its extremely helpful. To help me build myself up I'm talking to myself every day. I tell myself that I am strong, I am smart, I deserve to be loved by someone who really wants and appreciates me. I was given the suggestion to write down s few things I like about myself everyday and to keep reading them s few times a day. The idea is that if you keep doing this eventually you'll start to internalize these things and actually start believing them. Throughout the day when I'm having s moment I go into the bathroom and give myself s pep talk.

 

I'm still weak and feel broken inside. I still pine for him and still feel stupid and hopeless, but I'm pulling myself up by my own bootstraps and moving forward. I just tell myself I strong and I will get through this. As all people do. I have to believe that.

 

I'm still tempted to go running back to him all day long. I hurt deeply. Most of the time I'm faking it. But I will just keep doing that until it comes naturally.

 

I went to a party last night and had several moments were I thought was I didn't want to be there. I just wanted my old Saturdays that I spent with him just hanging out at his apartment with him. And I caught my self wondering what he was doing, if he was with her. I woke up wanting nothing more then to see him, talk to him, check on him. Its been exactly 1 week since I had contact and I feel like I'm going mad. Its s constant battle.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Yep, the mornings are hard. It's when you used to text each other your morning texts and exchange whatever comments you had. All the morning routines you had that involved him/her have to change now and hell, if you aren't a morning person already, changing up a routine is just going to make you even more frustrated. Plus after just having woken up, you aren't thinking as clearly and wholly so it's no surprise when a negative thought shoots in there, it can sort of rule all of your thoughts for a good while, heck I've gone entire days and weeks in that bad mood as a result of that.

[swiftly333]

He used to text me every morning an talk on the phone every night. I bet he's doing that with her now. Even if it doesn't mean the same to him, I know it's keeping him busy and keeping his mind off me. It's not fair, but I know I am the stronger person for nit falling into the rebound to pretend. I really want to get past this but I'm already planning how I will break no contact. I want to feel like I did everything I could, but I also need to love myself enough to protect myself and nit allow him the power to continuously hurt me. I have more important things to think about anyways....

[targaryen]

So, how's it going?

[swiftly333]

Well, I've done all the e EXCEPT for no contact.

 

I'm still in contact with him an things seem to be heating up again. I'm still considering reconciliation, but taking it slow.

 

I know a lot people say well then all of this is pointless. but I would disagree. Ridding myself of all the reminders and limiting the amount of time I allow myself to concentrate on this has really helped me change my mindset. I've been staying busy and focus on myself: in going to therapy, work in out most days, learning to swim, spending time with friends, even have a few prospective dates if I so choose. It's easier to get by day by day.

 

Yes, a part of me is still hopeful and trying, but it is no longer the only thing o think about, and I can see myself being fine either way this goes.