cheche Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 Hi, I need A LOT of opinions of this one. Here is the scenario. A guy and a girl are seeing eachother, but not in a serious relationship yet. Well during the dating process, the guy tells the girl he likes her a lot, but life circumstances(job, family, etc) makes it hard for them to be with each other. He also he tells her she is free to see other people because he wants her to be happy. After asking this guy twice about the situation and even telling him that he is worth waiting on, he still sticks with his answer. Well she decides to go ahead see other people and during that time she had sex with one guy. She haas not since, because she still cared deeply for the first guy she was with. Her and this new guy are now just friends. Well now here it is, 2 months later. Now things between her and the first guy are picking up again and he wants to be in a relationship. [color=red]Should she tell him what happened when they were not together? Is it cheating? Should it matter?[/color] PLEASE, I NEED YOUR OPINION
SexualDeviant Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 If you 2 were interested in eachother, you shouldn't have done it, but you need to tell him, or the guilt will consume you, it's not really cheating.. but it can be to some, i myself, would just say, well it was a mistake to even try and get with you, because if you can't wait for someone, then there not worth it.. so i'd say tell him for sure, and see what happens
bluechocolate Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 He also he tells her she is free to see other people ... And that is what you did. That, in my opinion, is not cheating. If he thinks it's OK for you to see other people then he also thinks it's OK for him to see other people. If he didn't mean it he shouldn't have said it. If it was some kind of stupid little test then he's immature & you'd be better off without him. Now things between her and the first guy are picking up again and he wants to be in a relationship Great - then be in a relationship with him & discuss your boundaries. I wouldn't tell him anything. It's your future together that matters, not your past.
LittleMiss Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 It's not cheating because you and the first guy were not in a serious relationship. If it were going to bother him that much he would not have told you to go ahead and see other people. Since it was before you two were serious I don't think it's neccessary to tell him, unless he asks or you feel the need to let it out. Just be honest with him if it ever comes up. You don't want to start off this relationship with a lie.
SoleMate Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 To me, cheating is when you give a promise and then break it. When you agree on the rules with someone else, and them break them. So...this clearly is not cheating. To the extent you two had any "rules", you were following them. Whether or not to tell him is a separate matter. I would tend to say TELL - if only for the health issues, and to avoid surprises down the road. If he freaks out and runs away - well...
Author cheche Posted September 21, 2004 Author Posted September 21, 2004 Hi, Thank you for the advice. Perhaps I should not have done what i did, but I only did it because he said i should see other people. He told me NOT to wait on him. Maybe I should have, but I didn't want to be in a sitution where I waited, and i ended up passing up someone better. I will tell him what happened if it comes up.
DJ_Dork Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 you ask the questioN: Should she tell him what happened when they were not together? Is it cheating? Should it matter? you seem to know so much about her. you must be her. pathetic. anyways, yes you should tell him about this. if i knew i'd throw that girl out the door and go for a girl that's truly interested in me. OH, you made another post.. YOU CHANGE YOUR STORY.. now YOU are this girl. Women truly do not know how to communicate.
netrie Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 If you know you are safe and w/o STD's---------go get checked first. But, NO! do not tell him. He gave you permission as he was seeing others too. LET IT GO and move on and enjoy life! Stop worrying over this trivial stuff. He doesnt need to know this crap... You were NOT committed...
Author cheche Posted September 21, 2004 Author Posted September 21, 2004 Dj Dork said: you ask the questioN: Should she tell him what happened when they were not together? Is it cheating? Should it matter? you seem to know so much about her. you must be her. pathetic. anyways, yes you should tell him about this. if i knew i'd throw that girl out the door and go for a girl that's truly interested in me. OH, you made another post.. YOU CHANGE YOUR STORY.. now YOU are this girl. Women truly do not know how to communicate. While yes, I made another post about this in the past, don't insult me. Yes I should have did the post in first person instead of case scenario form. MY BAD. Last time I posted about this I didn't much of response. But, right now, I'm feeling upset over the situation because he might hold this against me that this happened. I'm not one to cheat on a person. I never have and never will. The fact is me and this guy were never in a "true relationship" to begin with. We only went out a couple of dates and chatted on the phone. I'm just afraid he will hold my past over my head.
SoleMate Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Hey DJDork, you are really living up to your name. Nothing wrong in the third person scenario format. Please just stick to constructive advice.
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