Some things I have learned in 6.5 months post breakup

[PennGuy]

The person you thought they were walked right out the door the moment they left. Depending on how messy it was, if there was cheating involved, etc, you are seeing the real them. TAKE THEM OFF THE PEDESTAL.

 

We have a tendency to idealize situations in our heads and build things up to a point where we end up disappointed. I'm notorious for this.

 

There is no such thing as "The One". They are many people you are capable of falling in love with. Yes, they won't be like the past partners in your life, but that is what makes them special and different. If every partner were like your first/longest/strongest bond, what fun would that be? It would be like eating nothing but bologna sandwiches everyday. It's familiar and easy, but would get old fast.

 

Let go of your regrets. Stop all the "what ifs" and "I should haves". You did your best. None of us are perfect. Chalk it up to experience. Apply what you have learned and changes you have made to your next relationship. Not one that has already been written in the history books. You're doing nothing but clinging on to something that is dead and wasting your time.

 

No contact. No contact. No Contact. Stay away from your old place, or their place. Get off of their facebook. Quit going to the grocery store everyday and getting your list one by one in the hopes that you might bump into them. Stay away from old haunts and hangouts for a while. Don't call their mom. Don't call their siblings. Don't drive by, drunk dial, or otherwise disturb. Walk away with as much pride as you can. No contact is not a game to get your ex back.

It's meant for you to heal and it works very well. I'm glad I stuck to pretty strict regimen. I bowed out with humility and grace and can hold my head high. I want you to do the same.

 

This may not apply to all of you because everyone handles this differently, but you are more than likely not ready to have sex with someone else right now. I remember my first new partner a month after the breakup and I had to fight back tears when it was over. It jacked me up. I spent three years sleeping faithfully with the same woman. A new piece of a** was too much too soon. I was not ready. Use your hand, by a new toy for now. You are wayyyyy to emotionally vunerable right now to be dating or screwing someone else.

 

 

Improve yourself FOR YOU. Whether it's mental, physical, keeping your house cleaner/more decorative...whatever. But do it for you. It's not for them anymore. They were done playing and took their ball and went home. Make yourself more attractive. You have nothing but time now. You can either use it constructively or sit around and pine and wallow in your misery.

 

 

Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Do your best to keep your life together. Keep showing up at work. Honor your commitments. Yeah, heartbreak sucks, but you can't let your life spiral because you were dumped or did the dumping.

 

Redirect your thoughts when you begin to ruminate. It's going to do nothing but lead to negative feelings and rehashing everything in your mind over and over is going to drive you crazy. It's not going to change what happened, that's for sure.

 

And finally, time. Time is a great healer. Even if you really take no active steps in moving on, time will still work it's magic. It may take longer, but the human mind and body is an amazing thing. I'm not 100 percent healed yet and still have some down days, but I am no where near the guy I was last fall or even as recent as February.

 

I'm seeing things for how they are. She's off the pedestal. She's pretty, but no where near what I had been imagining. I've let go of hope. She didn't do everything right. Her life isn't peachy keen, rose petals, and rainbows now that she rid herself if me. Let's face it folks, most couples don't reconcile. It's over when it's over. Reconciliation has a better chance at working years down the line when the wounds have healed and both of you have changed and can start fresh again.

 

 

Part of letting go is also letting go of these forums.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Dude! That was such a great post!

 

It's awesome to see how wise someone can become because of a breakup.

 

I can honestly say I am not at that point yet. I am far from it. But you're absolutely right about all things except, at least in my situation, one thing.

 

For me, I kid you not, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the relationship when it ended. Literally one day my ex told me we were to be broken up. Things were fine before that. So of course that makes things a bit harder, but of course your other points stand strong.

 

I really wish to implement these soon.

 

Thanks again for the great post buddy!

[Am4Real]

Very good post.

 

Looks like you have collected the best of all advice and blended with your experiences.

 

Fine job!!

 

Best to you in the many happy moments ahead.

[BLS]

Dude! That was such a great post!

 

It's awesome to see how wise someone can become because of a breakup.

 

I can honestly say I am not at that point yet. I am far from it. But you're absolutely right about all things except, at least in my situation, one thing.

 

For me, I kid you not, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the relationship when it ended. Literally one day my ex told me we were to be broken up. Things were fine before that. So of course that makes things a bit harder, but of course your other points stand strong.

 

I really wish to implement these soon.

 

Thanks again for the great post buddy!

 

Well buddy, your ex clearly thought something was wrong. You probably didn't pick up on whatever it was.

 

OP, excellent post.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Well buddy, your ex clearly thought something was wrong. You probably didn't pick up on whatever it was.

 

OP, excellent post.

 

I hate to make this into a discussion, but in the post I made about this, you would see that there honestly wasn't a reason. Of course no one believes me but even a friend of hers I talked to said she didn't know.

 

Anyways, I'll just restate that I thought this was an excellent post haha.

[AKisBaked]

Incredible post. I am going through a mini setback myself but after I read this, this had really brought my spirit up and continue in what I am doing today and not look back and reminence about the past.

 

Thank you OP!

[Coping Vortex]

Dude! That was such a great post!

 

It's awesome to see how wise someone can become because of a breakup.

 

I can honestly say I am not at that point yet. I am far from it. But you're absolutely right about all things except, at least in my situation, one thing.

 

For me, I kid you not, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the relationship when it ended. Literally one day my ex told me we were to be broken up. Things were fine before that. So of course that makes things a bit harder, but of course your other points stand strong.

 

I really wish to implement these soon.

 

Thanks again for the great post buddy!

Same thing in my case.

[richard9]

Good Job! Really uplifting post! Yeh they are not who we loved anymore, no point in looking back!