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guys do you think it's ok to date your friends ex?

starla33

By starla33
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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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I know me and most girls would agree that it is not ok, but seems like a lot of guys don't care.

outsidethebox Established Member

outsidethebox

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why is it not ok?

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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If you're both single, and they are completely mutually finished, it's OK. However, only do it if you value the person you want to date much more than your friendship, and be prepared to give up on the friendship entirely.

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starla33 Established Member

starla33

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If you're both single, and they are completely mutually finished, it's OK. However, only do it if you value the person you want to date much more than your friendship, and be prepared to give up on the friendship entirely.

 

To me this is selfish and totally backstabbing your friend, but maybe it's just me.

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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To me this is selfish and totally backstabbing your friend, but maybe it's just me.
Why back-stabbing?

 

You are not doing anything behind the friend's back. A person does not own his or her exes.

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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I'm a girl and I have absolutely no interests in my friends' exboyfriends. Equally, I'm friendly and acquainted with alot of my ex's guy friends and under no circumstances would any of them nor I would ever consider dating.

 

From my point of view, it's a matter of principles. Subsequently, I would question any guy's character if they willingly give up a friendship just to get a girl.

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Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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Subsequently, I would question any guy's character if they willingly give up a friendship just to get a girl.
I wouldn't go near my friends' exes. But, in general, it comes down to which person is valued more. If the girl is the love of his life, for instance, then I can see prioritizing her. In general, it is best to remain loyal to your friends, but in life you are free to choose where your loyalties stand, and you can end a friendship. While this may hurt the friend's feelings, it is not a betrayal or "back-stabbing."
outsidethebox Established Member

outsidethebox

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Makes no sense to me. If you have no interest in the friend's ex, then you wouldn't be dating them. The question was whether it was ok to date them.

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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I wouldn't go near my friends' exes. But, in general, it comes down to which person is valued more. If the girl is the love of his life, for instance, then I can see prioritizing her. In general, it is best to remain loyal to your friends, but in life you are free to choose where your loyalties stand, and you can end a friendship. While this may hurt the friend's feelings, it is not a betrayal or "back-stabbing."

 

But the question didn't reference love, it was a matter of whether a guy would encroach upon dating another friends ex.

 

It would only be a matter of love if the guy has been " in love" or pining for the girl for the last 6-7 years and even then it would probably be a difficult situation where he would most likely have to ask his friend's for their approval first ( no, i don't mean the friend owns the ex, but a good friend would always ask in such cases).

 

I certainly don't think my view extreme, for the fact I'm against friend's dating friend's exes, but this is also down to the social circle I am in, and the people I interact. Especially my exes friends, I admire their integrity and their close personal friendships with my ex that I have seen evidence that no girl, no matter pretty or beautiful she, has ever gotten in-between them. Myself included.

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outsidethebox Established Member

outsidethebox

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Guys that have that much of a mancrush on each other deserve what they get, or don't get in this case. Oh how precious, I won't date your beloved ex because you were once smitten with her.

 

wow.

Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

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But the question didn't reference love, it was a matter of whether a guy would encroach upon dating another friends ex.
So love doesn't play a role in dating?

 

It would only be a matter of love if the guy has been " in love" or pining for the girl for the last 6-7 years
Not necessarily

and even then it would probably be a difficult situation
It would be a terribly sensitive situation if there were still feelings. If it's a recent relationship, it's treacherous territory, and not to be done if the friendship is valued. But let's say this friend has married another person. Then they are DONE with their ex, no?

where he would most likely have to ask his friend's for their approval first ( no, i don't mean the friend owns the ex, but a good friend would always ask in such cases).
Notify maybe, but even if you ask, what is the friend going to say, no?

 

I certainly don't think my view extreme, for the fact I'm against friend's dating friend's exes, but this is also down to the social circle I am in, and the people I interact.
If you have a certain understanding with your friends ahead of time, that's a different situation.
xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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So love doesn't play a role in dating?

In the beginning stages I would think not. Some guys date for fun and love does not enter the equation until months or years on. Again this is an general idea, I can't say it also applies to guys who have been pining for the same girl for years. But even then, they would know a line will be crossed if they wish to date a friend's ex.

Not necessarily

It would be a terribly sensitive situation if there were still feelings. If it's a recent relationship, it's treacherous territory, and not to be done if the friendship is valued. But let's say this friend has married another person. Then they are DONE with their ex, no?

If you are trying to use different scenarios to prove your case then yes, different situations may have different results and answers. The same cannot be said if a friend decides to ask out the ex 2 weeks after breakup. The only thing sensitive in this case is timing.

 

Notify maybe, but even if you ask, what is the friend going to say, no?

 

I'm not a guy and I cannot speak as a guy. But perhaps there are people who really don't care if their friends date their ex.

 

If you have a certain understanding with your friends ahead of time, that's a different situation.

I stated in my last post that these are my beliefs and values. Although I may disagree with you, it does not mean i was forcefully trying to sway you to side with me.

outsidethebox Established Member

outsidethebox

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A touching sentiment.

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BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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I would NEVER date one of my friends exes. I truly live by bros before hoes.

 

Mr Soul expressing himself like this is when I miss BB, his FWB, and the new girl :D All three no less :laugh:

Andy_K Established Member

Andy_K

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I know me and most girls would agree that it is not ok, but seems like a lot of guys don't care.

 

I wouldn't. For one thing I don't get lonely enough to fall madly in love with someone I'm not actually dating yet, and that in turn makes it pretty easy not to want to get involved with friend's ex's.

 

It would take someone truly exceptional for me to even consider rethinking that rule.

 

There are plenty of people to date in this world that won't have the potential to cause friction or drama in a social circle. There's no need for socially competent people with a healthy number of options not to date one of them instead.

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