moneyneversleeps Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 After 7 weeks of being officially broken up i met up with the ex last night. I broke NC again. I think i have stuffed it up big time this time. In previous 3 encounters she was angry with me. She had been going out almost every night, however recently she is slowing this down. She is not acting angry at me anymore. However one thing that she was sure about is that we cannot be together. She told me i didn't respect her. She says that I didn't let her be herself and she hates me for it. (personally i think she was too cowardly to be herself as she wanted to avoid confrontation & didn't want to lose me, she needed me). Now she is moving on to bigger and better things. She still wants to be friends, however i told her that this hurts too much and she cant have the cake and eat it. The thing is she keeps asking me out to catch up once a week. She is leaving on a holiday in 2 weeks and she will be going for two weeks. Last night when we met up I told her i cant be friends anymore. She said she wants to meet up one more time to have a romantic dinner, make love to each other and achieve closure to move on. She also wants to say goodbye to my family. (we were together for 4 years). We had sex last night and we had an awesome time. I am hurting so much and i don't know if meeting up with her is a good idea. She made me promise to catch up on our agreed date. The thing is i want her back so bad, however she thinks we just aren't right for each other. I keep telling her I am confused. Is this a lost cause. Have i stuffed this up completely. help.
josh1454 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 This is why sex with an ex is bad. It brings up old emotions and feelings and makes it harder to move forward.
Author moneyneversleeps Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Hey josh, I hear what you are saying. I think maybe deep down i feel that if i can keep having sex with her and show her a good time then she will come back to me and see i have changed. She is doing her best to get away and she is trying to get a job overseas at the moment.. Am I being her emotional crutch? I don't want to sacrifice any potential of reconciliation by having sex. I also don't want to look like i am her doormat because I always had the upper hand in the relationship until now. I don' want to break my promise with her, but I think it is time to move on and really face the music.. Then there is the other part telling me if i just show her a great time maybe she will realise this has all been a mistake and i can win her back.. I think every time she feels like i can move on, thats when she asks to catch up. She is also acting completely cool with the fact that i should be seeing other people and thinks i am trying to cut it off with her because i am seeing someone else..
Author moneyneversleeps Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 For the first time in 7 weeks i have stayed home almost all day. I have slept and I cried. I cried and i cried. In 10 years i have cried twice. Once when she broke up with me and today. I can't bare the pain anymore. I know what i have to do. I need to say goodbye and stop holding on. I need to be happy again. I wrote her a story. I am thinking of calling her tonight and letting her know.. I hate her, i love her and i need to move on. I will leave the story in her letterbox. The painful truth. I guess this is goodbye.
OwlSoul Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 You start moving on when you do not need anyone, when you do not need to know what others think, when you do not need anything from people. The desire is the thing making you feeling sick.
Author moneyneversleeps Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 I didnt call last night. I have decided to send a text today telling her we can see eachother anymore. I guess i thought if i have sex with her I could win her back. Could this have worked? She keeps telling me how certain she is that I can't change and we will not be together. I'm Going to text her later telling her I need space and I can't see Her this week.. Any advice prior to me proceeding.
Author moneyneversleeps Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 I have finalized it. I have no intention of getting back with her. If I am not granted a second chance after all the sh*t we have been through then she truly does not deserve me. I have so many people in my life that treat me well and I'm not going to hang around for a selfish b*tch of a woman. Anger has healed me. She can go do whatever she wants. I'm over it. I am not going through pain anymore. I have priorities and she has just moved to the bottom of the list. I don't want to speak to her I couldn't care less about her. To moving on to bigger and better things. 2
Author moneyneversleeps Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 I feel better updating this post. I am happy that we are both moving on. She is not good enough for me. Great girl, but I guess if she can't give me a second chance then that will be her own regret. I would have literally done anything to make amends, but now it is just too late. If it is really true love or of we are soulmates we will find eachother in the future. If not maybe we will be lost souls for the rest of our lives settling for second best. 2
Author moneyneversleeps Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 She texted me. Asking me if we can make love for the last time before we say our goodbyes. Asking me if she can say goodbye to my family (2 months after breakup). WTF does this mean. She is still adamant that we could not be together.
Author moneyneversleeps Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 No contact does not work. It has been 2 weeks. Not a word has been uttered. What's does happen? Well I start dating, my life picks up again. I have become a better person.(don't meant to toot my own horn). I am more humble, happy to go out of my way to help others. Overall I am a better human being. I know any of my future Relationships will drastically be improved thanks to this breakup. I feel guilty, especially when I'm really happy. I got a promotion the other day. Standard practice is to have spoiled her. But she isn't around anymore. So I take dates out and celebrate with them. We have amazing times. All week I do this. It's not the same but it's something. The saddest part. Acceptance. Knowing it was your fault and accepting its over. Also people say to tell them you are dating. Post photos on Facebook. I don't know if this helps. If you are doing this, I would be prepared to get it back twice as hard.. So depends on your character, tread with caution.
mbee Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 (edited) 2 weeks is still very early to know is NC did not work, honestly. I am glad that you are dating again and trying to move on. Don't feel guilty for enjoying your life. It's also not completely your fault. It's really early to tell one way or the other what's going on honestly. Don't pull the jealousy card. She knows you are doing your thing and if you try and post photos and change your status, it's a clear attempt to try and hurt her. Anyway NC is meant to help you heal and from what I've learned, in terms of the ex contacting you, sadly it can even take years and usually months. 2 weeks is not enough time. Edited May 11, 2013 by mbee
Author moneyneversleeps Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 I have been going really crazy on the facebook. I use to never ever use it. And now I am on everyday. Maybe subconsciously i want her to see how well am i doing? everything she has missed out on? I just wanted to call her and tell her i got a promotion on the day i got it. Thankfully i didn't.. That was almost a relapse..
Author moneyneversleeps Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 how can you show someone you have changed if you are on NC?
aisuru Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 No contact isn't about them seeing you change. No contact is about you putting yourself back together again, change or no change. You may or may not see her in the future. If you truly have changed, she will see it then. It's not for you to wave yourself in front of her, changing, "look at me, look at me, I've chaaaaaanged." It just doesn't work that way.
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