Been 4 and a half months since the break up, still lost :(

[fayt67]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting on this website so hopefully i can make the story clear as possible. I'm gunna start the story way back 7 years ago. First off I'm 20 and she's 19, about to turn 20.

 

Anyways when i first entered high school and saw my ex i immediately had a crush on her. We met each other and soon became pretty good friends. Anyways she got a boyfriend and I was thinking well damn but what can I do? So i just continued with my life. Grade 10 comes around and this is when things start to get interesting. Me and her start talking a lot more and now shes coming to me for advice on what to do with her boyfriend at the time. I told her what I thought was best and she broke it up with him. He was an abusive and verbally piece of crap who should have never entered her life. It messed her up big time but she had the power to overcome it. So we started to get closer and in march I asked her out and she said yes. I could not believe it. The girl I had a crush on for over 2 years now said yes. I was so happy...F%#k just typing this out makes me tear up a little bit.

 

So 9 months down the road and I find out shes going behind my back to hang out with people and lying to me. I call her out on it and she breaks up with me. Well the break up only lasted like 2 weeks and we got back together so no big deal. We get through high school together, go to prom, all that fun stuff. we graduate and now reality begins. we find jobs but are still were still in love with each other very much.

 

Now this is where the crap begins to happen. Last year, 2012, in December we go into a massive stupid argument. It was really dumb but probably not on her part, cant say for sure. So we didn't really talk for about a week, just kinda text each other here and there. Anyways we started talking on the 7th over the phone, another massive argument over nothing and boom, breaks up with me out of no where. Like wtf? I was so hurt. She came over the next day to pick up her stuff and I asked why she did it and she had no logical reason and I asked her if there's a chance of possibly getting back together down the road and she said maybe. While we're talking we're both tearing up. Anyways she leaves but we keep in touch over the next few weeks. So I'm devastated as all hell and found myself texting her all the time...terrible idea. We would talk every other day or so but it was really hard. At the end of december she said she would call me on new years. Well she never did and my anxiety was through the roof and was breaking down every hour of the day so I have her mom a text asking if we could talk...worst move ever. She got really pissed off and told me to leave her alone for a bit, so I did just that.

 

A week in of not contacting her i broke and text her, got ignored. Did it again another week later, got ignored again. Finally near the of January i got a text from her. I felt relived and was so happy. We talked over the phone for like 2 hours and she invited me over so I went over to her place. Went over and obviously we made out and started making plans to go to the movies and start to hang out to see where that takes us. I invited her over to the bar with me and a few friends but she declined because she was was already busy. I waited for her to message me every day to talk like she said she would and everything was going very smoothly. The day that we're suppose to go out came around and I went over to her place. I get over there and now she starts pushing me away saying we cant be making out. Well that was difficult as all hell and it was really hard to not hold her. Tension began to grow and she then said lets make another day to hangout where its not so difficult. So I got up and left (I have NEVER done this before, usually i will put up a fight). Right before I left she gave me a hug, she started to cry and she wouldn't let go. I gave her a kiss on the for head and left without looking back.

 

I sent her a text the next day to see how she was and she didn't respond. Didn't hear anything for a few hours so I sent her another text...nothing. I got to work and my anxiety was through the roof so I sent her another one basically saying I cant keep on doing this if you're going to ignore me and she finally replied saying that she needed more time to think. Fine I'll give you the time to think.

 

Time passes...more hours pass....more days past....weeks past...valentines days past....and March begins. I haven't sent her one text through all of this. The entire time I have been putting stuff up on facebook to show everyone that I'm doing fine and having fun. So I get a text after the first week of March in basically saying how shes having fun on her own, doesn't want to date for a long time and that I should have fun to because we're still young. This devastated me but I finally got some closure, just no answers. I didn't reply. Tried to move one. A few days later she starts to post stuff up on facebook which she NEVER does. Maybe like once or twice a year. Just updates her profile picture and a few status over the next few weeks and then completely stops. Confusing as hell. Anyways she sends me a text on my birthday saying happy birthday hope its fun and be safe at the end of March. Still didn't reply, didn't find the point because I don't think it would have gotten me anywhere.

 

Finally we're in April and I find out that shes been on a dating site but isn't looking to date anyone, she is just looking for friends to talk to and hang out. I'm sorry but i find that to be really pathetic and disgusting. Have some self-respect but that's just my opinion.

 

So I'm out and about one day taking the bus home and I happen to see her dad on the bus. Really cool guy and her family really did like me since I had my s@%t together and wasn't a loser. We talk for a little bit and he told me to give him a call sometime to talk and I said what and he said I dont hate you, I think that you really are a great guy. So I'm shocked. Anyways when I found out that she was on this dating website I called him up and told him about it. His response was that she's an adult and she can do what she wants but he will make sure that shes ok. Funny thing is that I have back story, no one else does.

 

Back story time. So after she broke up with her piece of s$@t physically and verbally abusive boyfriend she did the EXACT same thing. Went on dating sites because she had no one to talk to. Well she soon realized that it was stupid and a huge mistake so she finally got off of it. The thing is, is that she has never had someone as close to her as I have been and through out her entire life she has always had people in and out of her life, no one actually stuck around so she was always making new friends. I think I was the first person to treat her so well and yes, we were each others first love. Also she has always been the dumper, never the dumpee.

 

So I'm looking up on her profile and shes going out to bars and drinking blah blah blah. With who? No idea. My guess is with people who don't have their life together but I could be wrong.

 

So it has been just over 4 and a half months since we have been apart and I haven't text her since the beginning of March. I want her back so damn badly. I was doing my best to become and better person and she even admitted that she could see me becoming a better man. I have always been in love with her and my feelings for her haven't fade one bit. I think I'm just becoming numb to the heartache haha. My mom has always told me that whatever shes doing she has to get out of her system and then she will finally realize what she has done was stupid and will want me back but who knows. I haven't called up her dad since I told him about the website and I don't know if I should. I have talked to her step dad over facebook a few times but that's about it. Saw her uncle the other day and had a very awkward conversation. Also she hasn't taken down the photos of me and her on facebook so that makes me wonder. We dated for almost 4 years and I did my best to treat her like the best woman possible. Yes I am very pissed about this entire situation but more hurt then anything. I have not said one bad thing to her since this whole thing started, I'm doing my best to respect her wishes.

 

Guys, I'm completely lost and I have no idea if she will come back or not. I am in love with this woman and I have tried my best to move on but nothings working. Tried working out for a few weeks but it started to feel more like a chore then anything, tried getting back into gaming and it sometimes works. I don't know what to do. I have found myself becoming a lot more independent which is an a amazing feeling. I would do anything for this girl if things could work out and would love to give it another try but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by not texting her. Also her birthday is coming up but I'm scared of texting her happy birthday.

 

Please help me guys this is ripping me apart

[itto ogami]

Friend, you are YOUNG. You have the whole world ahead of you.

 

Do not hold onto any gal betwixt 18-25 - BOTH of you will not be stable.

[fayt67]

Friend, you are YOUNG. You have the whole world ahead of you.

 

Do not hold onto any gal betwixt 18-25 - BOTH of you will not be stable.

 

Thanks for the reply and I appreciate it but it doesn't really make me feel any better . I actually have a friend who went through this a few years ago and has said to himself that he's gunna wait till he gets a little older to find someone more mature. Appreciate the reply though

[lovelifexx]

Do not contact her on her birthday! you will only look pathetic and desperate in her eyes, I promise you.

[fayt67]

Do not contact her on her birthday! you will only look pathetic and desperate in her eyes, I promise you.

 

Ahh this is so confusing me. I am wanting to get back together with her and I feel that by not doing anything then it won't happen. I feel that she has just moved on and forgotten about me completely with no chance of us getting back together unless I make a move. I mean she did send me a text message on my birthday saying happy birthday and I didn't respond so I kinda feel like an a$$ for not replying. Not to sure how I would look desperate and pathetic in her eyes :/. Could someone possibly explain that to me please?