Noma Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I need to heal. I'm trying. I went to see family for the weekend. The drive has helped clear my head. I'm feeling more like myself every day. I don't have a lot of friends. I lost a lot of them when opening the restaurant with my ex. Very time/life consuming. I'm not sure if they could even be re-started at this point. I have been out of touch for so long. My long time best friend and I have fallen out of touch as well, and don't have as much in common as we used to. I love my job. I love working in the restaurant industry, it has been my hobby and my passion for longer than my ex and I were together. I am proud of what I do, and very smart about the industry. I love the hard work and feel good about myself. I have been part of developing the menu, many of the items are mine, and also hand crafted most of the desserts that we serve. We are a from scratch restaurant. I don't see enjoying a corporate job, what I love about my job wouldn't be there, less room for creativity, etc. also, you never really know who you are going to be working with, my ex is smart, I have worked for people that I know more than, and it is very frustrating for me. I'm a little lost right now I guess. My passion and hobby are directly tied to my ex. We share the same, which is why we were drawn together. I'm not sure how to move forward. I'm wondering if we can sit down and talk about things, maybe we can still share this together in some respect? It has been a little awkward lately, neither of us are sure where to draw the line between work responsibilities, and what I have been doing being by his side for the past 4 years. The restaurant has suffered because of this. It has been 2 months since we split. I think I'm ready to just "work" with him again. And not trying to "read" his every move hoping he wants me back. I want to excel at my job and be proud of myself again.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I'm a little lost right now I guess. My passion and hobby are directly tied to my ex. We share the same, which is why we were drawn together. I'm not sure how to move forward. I'm wondering if we can sit down and talk about things, maybe we can still share this together in some respect? It has been a little awkward lately, neither of us are sure where to draw the line between work responsibilities, and what I have been doing being by his side for the past 4 years. The restaurant has suffered because of this. It has been 2 months since we split. I think I'm ready to just "work" with him again. And not trying to "read" his every move hoping he wants me back. I want to excel at my job and be proud of myself again. SAY THIS EXACT THIS TO HIM!! Please. Tell him, "I'm a little lost right now, I guess. My passion and hobby are directly tied to you. We share the same, which is why we were drawn together. I'm not sure how to move forward. I'm wondering if we can sit down and talk about things? Maybe we can still share this together in some respect? It has been a little awkward lately, neither of us are sure where to draw the line between work responsibilities, and what I have been doing being by your side for the past 4 years. The restaurant has suffered because of this. It has been 2 months since we split. I think I'm ready to just "work" with you again. I want to excel at my job and be proud of myself again." Dont let this ruin your dreams!!! Chin up, back straight, heart open!!! 1
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Oh!!! It sounds like you really love what you do, and have accomplished quite a bit! Keep up the great work and keep that love for this alive!! xo 1
fiftyofsomethin Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Um, I'm not sure how smart it will be to encourage any contact at all with him. She has quite a bit of power in this breakup, why would she relinquish a bit to him by telling him how she feels about this and letting him decide about it? He doesn't rule her life, she is now independent from him. She can do whatever she wants to make her heal as fast and as fully as possible. OP, you don't need to tell him that you plan on just working with him as another employee, just go and do it. He doesn't need to know what your thoughts are. If you guys are broken up, you are broken up. Holding onto thoughts of how each other thinks will only postpone the inevitable. Unless you guys have agreed this is only a break, I guarantee only bad will come from contact. Trust me, I should know. I broke NC once. Never again will I.
Author Noma Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 (edited) I'm not sure what to do just yet. Maybe telling him would be a good idea. We work together quite intricately, so NC isn't really an option anyway. Unless I founf another job. Which I haven't ruled out completely yet. But not at this time. I almost feel like I have a chance here to really grow in spite of everything. Also, part of me still wants to be with him. But I accept we are over... I know he slept with someone else since. Not sure if they still are seeing eachother, but I tell myself they are, and am trying to move on myself. When I go back to work after these few days off I am determined to be more focused again, and move the ball forward. If I can't, I will need to start looking for something else. ***in case it was unclear in the original post- the restaurant has suffered since we split. With neither of us focused as much as we should be. Together we were pretty awesome most of the time. As far as making sure the restaurant was on the right track etc. Edited April 27, 2013 by Noma
Author Noma Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Foreverhopeful- thanks for the post. I just read it again and am thinking of sending almost exactly that in an e-mail.
fiftyofsomethin Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Foreverhopeful- thanks for the post. I just read it again and am thinking of sending almost exactly that in an e-mail. I truly would advise against that.... Please please please wait to do so don't make any decisions now. It is so very hard to not contact and "make your mind clear" but it doesn't matter. It just doesn't. Trust me, I see my ex all day because of how school is and NC is still helping me. As much you think you need to tell him how you feel or as important you think it is, you subconsciously likely are doing it with the motive just to talk to him. Just do what you need to do for yourself, you don't need his input or approval. He is out of your life. If he can't accept that or handle it it should be HIM who moves on and finds another job, not you. If you do everything you can to work normally and he can't handle it, it's his fault, not yours. Just telling him you want to "work" with him won't make things magically not awkward anymore. It's the same as saying "oh we can still be friends" no. You still have feelings whether you know it or not. I know it's not what you want to hear, but what exactly do you expect to happen from emailing him this? Everything will just magically work out? Nope. Just go NC as much as possible and work for yourself, not for him or your relationship. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision.
Author Noma Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Well... He owns the place and is the general manager. I am the asst. manager. Like I said, we work together rather intricately... We only have one other PT manager. We have spent he last 4 years sometimes with no PT manager. Worked our butts off!!! Not an easy situation.
fiftyofsomethin Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Well... He owns the place and is the general manager. I am the asst. manager. Like I said, we work together rather intricately... We only have one other PT manager. We have spent he last 4 years sometimes with no PT manager. Worked our butts off!!! Not an easy situation. Oh I do apologize if you previously said he was the GM. I overlooked that. No, I never said it was easy. It's damn hard. You know what, I'm not entirely sure. That little detail did change quite a bit. I guess I need to resort to just telling you to do what your heart wants. Maybe that will at least give you the closure of knowing you did all you can.
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