BluEyeL Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 @BluEyeL: right back at ya! seriously though, it's like an immediate weight lifted off my shoulders. who knew dating was so tough? where's the fun??????? it's almost agonizing! have you gone back to your profile, or not yet? Not yet, I've been through all the available men in my small area And I'm mourning one of the arseholes that liked/not liked me and I'm still into him. I need to get over the dissapointment with this one to be able to do it again, takes forever.
sillyanswer Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 But never get a text or phone-call follow-up... it's weird. What gives? Any tips or advice? I know this will come as a surprise, but your phone can make communication to their phone. You don't have to wait for them to call.
Sparkly24 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I wouldn't put much hope on what they say about wanting to see you again during the date. I think most guys don't want you to go all bunny boiler on them, so they say whatever to keep you happy. It should be down to their actions after the date rather than their words - the effort they make to see you again. I would also bear in mind that you don't know anything about the other guys. The dates that went well - he might have been contacted by an ex, and went back into a relationship with them. they might have lost your number. they might have been on a date with you to boost their own self esteem but were not really interested in a relationship. they might have lost their phone and your contact numbers on the way home. you have no idea. I think the only thing you can do is 1) not depend on online dating - get out there and flirt with guys in bars etc, face to face too. 2) see it as a numbers game. You go on a certain number of dates a month. Half of them will be awful dates. Half of the good dates will not be interested in anything long term. The other half of the good dates will want to see you for a second date. I reckon half of those will develop into something more serious. 3) maybe look at what sort of impression you are giving on these dates - what you are wearing, your hair your makeup? could it be seen as too conservative, or too wacky and out there? When talking about yourself, do you put yourself down and indicate that you have low self esteem? If you are nervous on the date, do you sit there looking uncomfortable without realising it? It's really difficult to tell but maybe you should take a straight-talking friend with you to sit in the same restaurant and observe you in date mode, then you know for sure your not doing anything that might be putting them off?
clia Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 The problem with online dating is that there is too much selection. For all you know, the guy you had a great first date with already had two great dates with some other woman, or had an even greater first date the next night with some other woman. And he decided who to pursue, and for whatever reason it isn't you. Or maybe he got busy with work, or went out of town, or his grandma died, or ... men poof for many reasons. Online dating is like being a kid in a candy store for a lot of people. From what you posted, I can't see where you really did did anything wrong. While I agree in theory about not extending the date, I've always been terrible about that when I'm having a good time. But yes, maybe cutting it off while he is still enraptured with you and wanting to spend more time with you might be the way to go. The only other thing I noticed is that you should've let him nail down that second date. He asked you out for the weekend, you declined because you had plans (which is totally fair)...and you should have suggested another night. Get it scheduled. Most people aren't going to cancel if they've already scheduled it (although some do). When I did online dating, I always pushed to meet in person fairly quickly. Not only did this avoid building a false, imaginary relationship via phone or e-mail with a stranger, but it helped me not to get attached to a man too quickly. That way, if he poofed after the first date, it was no loss on my part and I didn't feel like I'd wasted a lot of time. I noticed you talked to the guy in your example for two months prior to meeting. That's way too long. You might have felt like you had something invested in it, which might have made it hurt more when you didn't hear from him? Really, it shouldn't be surprising that most first dates don't lead anywhere. You aren't going to perfectly hit it off with everyone, and life gets in the way sometimes, and even a fun first date can lead to nothing. I had a ton of first dates via online dating. Just take it for what it is. Enjoy your evening out with a new person, and if it leads to something, great; if not, you move on to the next one. It's all you can really do. 3
dbrown Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I have read your problem and want to say maybe you are not putting good efforts towards your date. As someone said here try to reduce the time of a first date. Make things work, do something special for the guy and also make him realize how special you are. Don’t talk too much always do a decent conversation on a first date.
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