He fooled me well.

[GI_Joy]

I should have trusted my gut from the beginning. I knew something was off when this guy was pursuing me so quickly from the beginning, even suggesting living together 2 weeks into the relationship. He was enamored by the fact that I had my sh*t together and was independent. But eventually he took advantage of that. I started feeling that he was slowing down, and of course I became so accommodating that he didn't feel the need to put effort into the relationship. But I decided to overlook those feelings because I thought I was just being insecure. No. I should have never doubted myself.

 

He reassured me, told me that he wouldnt string me along, blah blah blah. 3 months into the relationship he tells me that he's moving back to his home town which was 500 miles from me. He was gonna leave in May and it was March at the time. He asked if i wanted to stay together or just be friends. I told him, why walk away from something that works? We agree to stay together and figure things out from there. But his actions weren't matching his words. He told me he was feeling on the fence because he doesn't trust long distance relationships but was willing to try us. He starts distancing himself from me. Things were getting weird. I couldn't quite put a finger on why I was feeling weird about everything.

 

Which brings it to early April. I had suspicions about a girl's profile picture he commented on, telling her she was "still as beautiful as ever". I KNEW something was weird about that, and I confronted him about it and he told me that if I were in his position he would have enough trust in me to assume that was platonic. "She is a good friend, I had known her long before I knew you, she had to move back to her country because she couldn't get citizenship here," he claims. I let it go because I figured, hey, she's in a different country, I've got nothing to worry about.

 

At this point he's barely been keeping in touch with me. I knew the end was near, but I couldn't bring myself to be the dumper because he would always complain about how girls just left him for no good reason and I just didn't wanna be another tally mark, ya know? So I just rode it out. But my mom got admitted to the hospital and I needed him for emotional support. He blew me off. I asked him if I was even his girlfriend anymore. The truth came out--he'd been thinking of ending it ever since he had first made the decision to move, but he just didn't have the decency to tell me. Instead he just pushed me away and waited until I noticed the change in his behavior. If I wasn't perceptive enough he probably would've kept stringing me along.

 

A week after the break up I thought I was doing just fine. I felt fine. I felt like I dodged a bullet, being with a coward like him who gives up when the going gets tough. However the other day I started getting that familiar nagging feeling again, that something wasn't right, that I needed to do something to finally get closure, because I didn't get any real closure from when he dumped me and blocked me off facebook and all that jazz. I did not bother contacting him because I knew I would never get closure from his words, nothing he would ever say would satisfy that. Instead, I decided to look at his mom's profile, why? I do not know, I just did it for the hell of it, but I noticed she had added that same girl who I had suspicions about when I was still together with him. Hmm, this just seems purely coincidental, I think. I look at her profile, and I was like you know what? F*ck it, I'm gonna message her. I have nothing to lose.

 

I just asked her what her relationship was to my ex, that I needed some closure so I can finally close this chapter and move on with my life. "It's not WAS a relationship, it IS a relationship" she replied. They had gotten ENGAGED 2 weeks prior! And they had been together since last May! So I was the other girl! Wow, just wow. I was mindblown. She was shocked and appalled as well. She confronts him about me, but didn't say too much to him about what we talked about and what she knows because she wanted to see what he had to say about me. He was surprisngly honest to her about what me and him had, even mentioning that we "clicked" and spent time together, he thought about wanting me to come with him back to VA, and including the fact that we had sex numerous times, but that the future was always going to be her. (now in hindsight, how stupid is he? What kind of girl would want to stay with a guy who had done all that behind her back)

 

She told me she just lied to him and told him that things are ok and that she forgave him, but her real plan (and mind you, I am just here listening to all this crap that shes telling me) is to continue to pretend everything is ok with him while he pays for her flight and wedding arrangements. Then on the day she's supposed to come she's just going to drop the ball and "disappear" from them, cutting off all contact. She's not even going to show up to her flight. And I told her I wished her the best of luck. But damn! And I thought I was vindictive!

 

And that was the end of that. Let's just say I do not regret approaching her on FB regardless of how creepy and forward that was, and now I can finally get over the craziness that was the past 3-4 months. I am not and will not take part in any sort of "vengeance" because what she has planned sounds horrible enough, and to be honest I just find it pointless to be wasting energy on spiting someone and exacting revenge, although it may feel cathartic lol.

 

I dont know about you guys but I find it so much easier to get over someone who turned out to be the scum of the earth as pathetic and pitiful as this guy was, only to be ultimately screwed over by his fiancee that he cheated on.

Edited April 26, 2013 by GI_Joy
changed "a girl who I had suspicions about

[SunshineToday]

 

She told me she just lied to him and told him that things are ok and that she forgave him, but her real plan (and mind you, I am just here listening to all this crap that shes telling me) is to continue to pretend everything is ok with him while he pays for her flight and wedding arrangements. Then on the day she's supposed to come she's just going to drop the ball and "disappear" from them, cutting off all contact. She's not even going to show up to her flight. And I told her I wished her the best of luck. But damn! And I thought I was vindictive!

 

 

She probably won't do all that. She will probably marry him. But oh man would that be cool if she did! Talk about paybacks!!!

 

Sounds like you did the right thing!

[GI_Joy]

She probably won't do all that. She will probably marry him. But oh man would that be cool if she did! Talk about paybacks!!!

 

Sounds like you did the right thing!

 

Yea, I get the feeling that she doesn't have the heart to do that kind of thing, but it sure as hell would make a great movie plot lmao! I ended up blocking her because I finally got the closure I needed and I can finally move on, but I'd be so sorry for her if she just got married to him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's pathetic.

[Turtles]

Sorry you got screwed over like that, hope he gets what he deserves, and I gotta say I like her plan

[DelusionalOne]

I like her plan too... but I really doubt she's going to go thru with it.

[GI_Joy]

Its so friggin disgusting, though I'll totally admit that I was jealous of their relationship because he was so much more invested in her than he'd ever be with me. He bought her presents even though he told me he didnt believe in presents, he would make that hour long drive to the town she lived in though he never came to visit me, I was the one who always drove to him, he would take her downtown and out to eat even though he told me he hated downtown and that he didn't like going out to eat all the time. I stuck out for breadcrumbs, and he basically threw himself at her. Ugh.

[youngnlove89]

I wish I could PM you because you and I have A LOT in common.

 

Back in 2009, I met this guy that blew me off my feet (i'm gonna try to make this story as short as possible). We went on a few dates and before you knew it he was moving in with me. He was so romantic and truly Mr. Perfect. We bought a dog together, and he had a house he was working on and was calling it our home, he bought me a ring and everything.

 

Well, then I started getting this weird gut feeling. Something wasn't right. There were red flags. Every weekend he went back home (about 2 hours away) to go work with his dad. He was a personal trainer and he let me use his gym while he was gone. I started snooping and found letters and pictures of this girl in his email. I found out later that it was an ex-gf, that's what he told me at least. Well, one day I look through his phone and see that his ex and him talk all the time. Weird. So one day, I called her. I was so nervous, but I just wanted her to tell me about him and if he was a loyal bf and what not. Well, I found out that they were still together and had been dating for 4.5 years and were getting engaged soon (he had the ring picked out, the same ring I was wearing)! He moved to my city (where he was living with me) and would visit her on the weekends until she was able to move near him. OH MY GOSH, right? She was appalled, I was baffled. I couldn't believe it. This guy played us well.

 

So that day we called him on 3-way (he had no idea either of us knew about each other) and I listened as she talked to him and called him "baby" and he said he missed her and all this stuff. Then she asked him if he is dating and he lied to her and said, "no, just you baby, you know I love you and would never hurt you" That's when I spoke in and yelled at him. He was shocked and went silent. He couldn't believe that we found out about each other.

 

Anyways, she left him, but I wanted things to work out because I thought he loved me, why else did he get me a ring and all that? (I was naive) We tried to make it work out, but later on I found out there was ANOTHER GIRL involved after many suspicious signs. She was married, 20 years older and had kids. That's a whole other story though! I don't want to go into too much detail. He ended up confessing about it after a few months of me guessing and accusing. It's what ended our relationship because I couldn't go on anymore. This guy was the ultimate player.

 

Almost 5 years later, 2 of those that I spent getting over him, he is now married to that older woman (Who had divorced her ill husband) with his baby on the way. Crazy huh?

 

Don't let this happen to you. It ruined me. I was very depressed for a long time. I lost trust in men for awhile too. It messed me up because I didn't think people were capable of doing that. Take initiative now, go no contact and move on. Don't let him ruin your life.

[GI_Joy]

O.O Oh my gosh. Well i guess I'm glad he didn't pop the ring to me, then again, he never fully invested in me, he was SOOOOO selfish, and what pisses me off the most is that every single thing he told me he didn't believe in, (I don't believe in presents, I don't put the girl first, etc etc), he totally did for that other girl! I guess what I'm trying to remind myself is the reason he never invested in me is because he was already invested in someone else. It's so sickening!!! How the heck do you recover from it?? How the heck do you not let it get under your skin, because those fleeting thoughts of "if I were really worth it he would have done the same for me" totally suck. You'd never think this crap would happen to you because of course, they only exist in Hollywood! But we're dead wrong! And BOTH of us had the great unfortunate luck to have come across these douchebags' paths!

[youngnlove89]

O.O Oh my gosh. Well i guess I'm glad he didn't pop the ring to me, then again, he never fully invested in me, he was SOOOOO selfish, and what pisses me off the most is that every single thing he told me he didn't believe in, (I don't believe in presents, I don't put the girl first, etc etc), he totally did for that other girl! I guess what I'm trying to remind myself is the reason he never invested in me is because he was already invested in someone else. It's so sickening!!! How the heck do you recover from it?? How the heck do you not let it get under your skin, because those fleeting thoughts of "if I were really worth it he would have done the same for me" totally suck. You'd never think this crap would happen to you because of course, they only exist in Hollywood! But we're dead wrong! And BOTH of us had the great unfortunate luck to have come across these douchebags' paths!

 

I don't know. I wish I could give you the anecdote. But there isn't one. It takes time. For me, 2 years. BUT I moved on! I found a great guy, who is now my ex and I'm trying to move on, but in the end you do move on. I promise. You will find someone else and you will look back at this and make fun of it and tell a good story.

 

I have no feelings for that douchebag now. None. Complete indifference. I wish it didn't take 2 years, but I learned a lesson. I won't ever let myself go through that again. If another guy cheats on me, he is gone. End of story.

[GI_Joy]

I can't wait to get to the point of indifference on this one, but you have a good point there. I'm trying not to make this like a scarlet letter of sorts, but it's a bit annoying when I tell my friends and they're like, "You have the worst luck with guys". I take that as an insult. I mean yea, it was an unfortunate situation but it shouldn't be a reflection of who I am. I just happened to be in the path of a destructive insecure pathetic excuse for a man.