Thinker Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 I met a man online in May and did not rush out and meet him! We actually started seeing each other in July! As soon as we starting seeing each other it just seemed right. We were never technically in a Relationship! We talked on the phone every day and hung out most of time! (2 months of nonstop seeing each other). Either I was at his place( I have a toothbrush clothes and other personal items over there) or he was at mine! We even went to various events and spent 3 nights in Vegas together!( Which he paid for everything) From the start of the friendship we got along we compliment each other! We were able to communicate open and honestly! He always indicated that he why he likes me and enjoys my company I am SPECIAL! We kissed, hugged, gave massage, rubbed, however we never had intercourse! I understood that we were both single and tired of the dating game and utimatley we wanted to be in serious relationship! We both had be in long term relationships in the past! I was in a six in a half year relationship that ended in 2000. I do not remain in cotact with my ex's however he indicated that he keeps in contact with all of his ex's however it is not constant contact. As far as I knew it we both were only datign each other. I always appreciated the fact that we had open and honest conversations, shared our feelings and what not! I really like spending time with him he is indeed a sweetheart, however It felt like he wanted an instant relationship or hear the words relationship come out of my mouth! He would always say, so what are we? Or I can see us end up married. He has love for me in his heart. He also indicated we do and talk about things he and his ex's never did. He gave me keys to his place, gargage, and mailbox in like a month of us seeing each other. I was hesitant still for some reason! I felt like we needed to slow down eventhough we had spent an enormous amout of time we each other, however we still needed to really get to know one another! We were moving too FAST! I gave the keys back (since I was not going to give him a key to my place) we talked about the situation and felt that we were on the same page, he agreed for us to slow things down he too did not want to rush into anything! If we were to end up married and (This being special and all). We went back to hanging out and talking the phone throughout the day. We had made plans to go to the fair in a couple of days. The night before the evet he called me said that he was thinking about me he missed me. This was not unusual due to the fact we talked and flirted with each other all of the time. The the following day (event day) I did not hear from him. I left him a message on his cell phone . A few minutes later he called me back and stated , " as much as I like you," my ex came over my house last night and we talked and I may be getting back with her, we are going to try and work things out, so I do not think we should see each other the way we have been, but I am still your friend! I was shocked! What ex saying to myself where did this all come from! We just talked about our friendship developing into a Relationship. Normally we would share our feelings and talk things out! I was hurt, that he could for one tell me this info over the phone and be cold about. My feelings on ex's is...... they are an ex for a reason! I told him good luck due to the fact life is temporary, however I did not want to remain friends with him. I questioned his feelings about me and even indicated this is what you do to someone you carre about I do not want part in it... he got uspest! I tried to explain to him that I am simply reacting to this out of the blue news. I did not feel like this is how a FRIEND handles a situation. He said that he was being adult about it and informed me of what was going on! I told him yeah eventhough his delivery sucked! It was not like we were fighting we just had this long talk the last time we seen each was sealed with a KISS, He then went on to say I want to be friends you don't and hung up! Six days passed, I left him a note on his door (we live around the corner from each other) to obtain my personal items left at his place I had to leave a note because he has since changed his phone number. He responded to my note via a phone call from a blocked number and indicated that he will give back my items but and that I can't call him back. I went over to his place and he opened his door half-way as to hide something or give you that feeling that you are not welcomed here, he gave me $40.00 for my clothing items in which he says that he threw away then handed me the rest of my belongings. Prior to this contact I have not called him nor gone by his place! He was very as of matter of fact and angery, as if I did something! I am trying to firgure out why! How does a situation that seemed right, end up like this?
mighty bop Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I'll tell you why it ended that way, at least why I think so. Because I am kinda in the same situation right now, being the guy. It's weird because I met this girl in July as well and we have been hanging out every weekend. Not as much as you guys, however. We live in different cities. I think you guys did move too fast. And both coming out of relationships was not a good thing. Same thing with me and my interest. However, it seems like he wanted a certain level of commitment and you weren't ready for it. He figured why should he wait around when there are girls left and right waiting for him, even his ex. (I agree that exes are exes for a reason so he shouldn't have gone back to her) Since you weren't ready and he was, he figured he was wasting his time and went back to what was familiar to him. I'm kinda in the same situation. Read my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t47649/ Basically this girl told me in her email that she wants to remain single. I guess she has good reason since we live in different cities and she JUST got out of a 5 year with someone, etc. Me, on the other hand got out of a 1 year with someone, but I knew the end was coming, so I was prepared. Anyways, she calls and emails me like we ARE together so it's weird. I don't know what we are. Like your guy wanted to know what you two were. I'm really confused as to why she doesn't want to be with me, yet act like she IS with me. I guess she feels if we are not really together she won't be sad if we stop seeing each other because we can never really break up. I don't know. She has told me she is afraid I will break her heart. At first when I read her email stating her intentions of remaining single but still see me I was about to respond to her by saying I'm sorry but I need at least some level of commitment, etc. Then I thought we can still "date". But I also thought "Am I wasting my time or what? Why doesn't she want to be with me?" (I never did ask her anything like this however....) I am telling you all this because maybe I am thinking the way your guy was thinking. To me, I need at least some level of commitment otherwise we are just using each other. Which is not good. I love being with her and would like to have a relationship with her, but she is not ready. The ball is basically in her court, so I have no idea what she is gonna do with it. I really really like her too. Maybe if you guys had established some level of commitment you would still be with him. Maybe that is what he was looking for and you were unwilling to do. Some guys are like that. Like me. But I still haven't given up on this girl yet. Don't know how long that will last. There are SO many other girls out there. Hope I helped? Chris
Always Thinking Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 Thanks for your comment! Chris, I was in a long term relationship that lasted 6 and a half years! I have been out of that situation since the later part of 2000. I have dealt with my emotions and what - not and know what I want. However I am not going to jump into something if I have some hesitation about it! Reminder we were never officially together! We did talk about and perhaps it would eventually get there... taking things slow does not mean it will NEVER happen! If he was so over his ex and really wanted to see where we could end up then he could of simply told his ex. I guess since I was not readily available to him by rushing into the relationship then he went to the next person who would! Regardless of working things out with his ex or working things out with me.... .it is still work envolved! I was the one who too did not want to remain friends with him for what... to be just discarded.... sorry but I need to know that my MAN would have my BACK! I still think that he is being childess with regards to his behavior! We did not argue, fuss, or fight we simply had a conversation a few days prior then the night before we flirted and made plans for the remainder of the week! So from 11pm the before to 2pm the next day he decided to work it out with the ex. I was like what ex! I am not trying to get him back was just trying to gather understanding because I can not call it!
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