Leegh Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Do MM every worry that if they are having an affair that the OW may meet someone new, and dump the MM, especially if long periods of time go by between MM and OW getting together? I would think this would especially be true for a MM with kids, as that would give him even less free time. If a MM is in a "semi-happy" marriage with his wife, is it just too much energy to pack up and leave, to be with the other woman on a permanent basis? Do they mostly stay for the kids, even if they are in love with the other woman?
Silly_Girl Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Do MM every worry that if they are having an affair that the OW may meet someone new, and dump the MM, especially if long periods of time go by between MM and OW getting together? In my experience, if they're not attempting to reconcile within their marriage, yes. I would think this would especially be true for a MM with kids, as that would give him even less free time. If a MM is in a "semi-happy" marriage with his wife, is it just too much energy to pack up and leave, to be with the other woman on a permanent basis? Sometimes that's the case, but often it's more than finding 'energy'. There's loyalty, love, habits, social life, finances, pride, fear, and the list goes on. Do they mostly stay for the kids, even if they are in love with the other woman? I think this certainly happens. I didn't have an affair partner but I overstayed in a relationship for my son and step-children. Is this your situation? Sorry if I haven't seen your story but it might be helpful if you shared a little more... 1
SweetiePie12 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Do MM every worry that if they are having an affair that the OW may meet someone new, and dump the MM, especially if long periods of time go by between MM and OW getting together? He said he'd be jealous. He also gave his approval/disapproval of certain prospects, LOL. One in particular he downright forbade (and he was right; the guy in question turned out to be very mean, and BASIC). Since I want kids, he's told me he hopes I'll find someone who wants to be with me and me alone.
Athens Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 For my husband, she broke it off numerous times because she wanted more than he could give-it was a just while I am in town for business type of thing-he said he was relieved when she would break it off, but not strong enough not to go back when she would ultimately contact him again- her social life did not matter to him, he wanted her to have one so she would not become dependent on him-which she ended up doing and hurting herself by expecting more than what was agreed to which has lead to her making a fool of herself by intruding when he finally broke it off-
leonine Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 The xMM was oddly jealous (I say oddly since I was in fact married to someone else and that didn't seem to bother him). There was one occasion when we had agreed to meet at a pub and he was very concerned about not leaving me waiting there. He said he was afraid of someone else hitting on me if I was there alone too long. He seemed sincere when he said it, but I had to laugh. I mean , I consider myself an attractive woman, but it's not like I'm surrounded by suitors within seconds of walking into a bar alone. Lol There were other times where he'd say something about not liking how another man was looking at me or some other similar nonsense. I never considered his jealousy attractive. 1
Jonah Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 WS spouse might also be praying for OP to find someone. Ez way out. That is a good line though... "Gee I would be so jealous!" And sure he is serious... Right up until orgasm. 5
Spark1111 Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I think it is just one more example of controlling the behavior of the two women the MM wants exclusively to fill their needs. Some women find jealously flattering and concede to the wishes of the MM. The BS, unawares, continues practicing monogamy. Win-win, MM. 5
Decorative Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 The OW in my sitch would have dates along the way. My husband even took her and one of her interim boyfriends to a concert. In emails- he was encouraging her to date other people. There was one incident that bothered him- she began an affair with anothe married man, during a lull within their relationship. He was not jealous- so much as angry that she had chosen another unavailable man to date. He felt it would keep her stuck in a bad pattern. I asked him if he felt she was cheating on him with that, and he said no. Have I mentioned affairs are really strange? LOL 3
ThatJustHappened Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 The OW in my sitch would have dates along the way. My husband even took her and one of her interim boyfriends to a concert. In emails- he was encouraging her to date other people. There was one incident that bothered him- she began an affair with anothe married man, during a lull within their relationship. He was not jealous- so much as angry that she had chosen another unavailable man to date. He felt it would keep her stuck in a bad pattern. I asked him if he felt she was cheating on him with that, and he said no. Have I mentioned affairs are really strange? LOL As a chaperone??
GreySkyMorning Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 (edited) Do MM every worry that if they are having an affair that the OW may meet someone new, and dump the MM, especially if long periods of time go by between MM and OW getting together? I would think this would especially be true for a MM with kids, as that would give him even less free time. If a MM is in a "semi-happy" marriage with his wife, is it just too much energy to pack up and leave, to be with the other woman on a permanent basis? Do they mostly stay for the kids, even if they are in love with the other woman? The MM I was with certainly worried about it. He was highly jealous if I mentioned another man. Since dday, he's actually admitted to me that his fear was that I would find someone else and stop seeing him, never mind the fact that he was with another woman every night. As far as reasons for not leaving, the first text from him after everything came out illustrated exactly why he stayed with her. He said "I haven't slept in 48 hours, havent ate or drank anything because I'm sick to my stomach, and now I'm going to end up divorced and lose everything I've worked for so long for." Not one word about her or hurting either of us or his son or anything else, just all about him. Edited April 28, 2013 by GreySkyMorning 1
Decorative Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 As a chaperone?? Apparently. Have I mentioned it was bizarre? LOL
Act Two Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I was pretty insane as MW in an affair with a single (divorced) OM. When I met him, he was fairly newly divorced but lied about having a girlfriend. This is ironic because the primary dissatisfaction with my husband was his lying. In addition to the fact that I was married! Anyway, I vividly remember being at my son's football game, where exOM's girlfriend (unbeknownst to me) was watching her son. ExOm was watching the game across the field from me and his girlfriend. I was standing on the sidelines chatting with a friend and she causally pointed to the girlfriend and mentioned that she was exOM's girlfriend (not aware of the affair). My blood boiled and I stared him down across the field. I actually considered keying up his truck. CRAZY-TOWN!!! I told him this after the fact, long after he broke things off with her and he thought it was funny. Really kind of sick though. He was with both of us for about a year, including going on a trip to Mexico with her which he also lied about. Of course, he had every right to a girlfriend since I had a husband but I wanted fidelity from him. That's the logic of a MM/MW. I also remember thinking they were broken up and I was at his house at Christmas time. I saw an ornament on the tree that was a family of penguins.. the girlfriend had bought a family of penguins with all of their names including her and her son, and exOM and his three kids. I flipped out about the damn penguin ornament too. (I really am a functioning, normal human being now I promise). We had a couple of incidents like that until they broke up. I was extremely jealous of him, and he was even more jealous of me, to the point where it felt like he was more my spouse and my actual spouse didn't seem to care where I was. I have a lot of girlfriends and am in a book club, so any time I was not accounted for (not partying, just even somewhere very innocent) he would freak out and blow up my phone. We took on a Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown dynamic without any talent. Like I said, the whole MM/MW logic is pretty selfish and twisted. It's embarrassing to type out but now that I read it over I can see what a crazy train I was on!
Act Two Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 I also wanted to point out my personal take away lessons from my nutty anecdotes above. 1. Relationships born from affairs typically don't work out because there is no foundation of trust. (If she is doing this to someone else, what will she do to me? Or if he is doing this with me, what will he do with someone else?) 2. Control and jealousy do not equal love. I learned this in therapy at the ripe age of 39. I thought that if someone texted you 20 times in the span of a few minutes to determine what you were doing, who you were with, where you were, etc., that they just really loved you bunches. You all probably know that, but that's not love, just someone trying to control you (or that you are just really, really untrustworthy). 1
Toots Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Do MM every worry that if they are having an affair that the OW may meet someone new, and dump the MM, especially if long periods of time go by between MM and OW getting together? I would think this would especially be true for a MM with kids, as that would give him even less free time. If a MM is in a "semi-happy" marriage with his wife, is it just too much energy to pack up and leave, to be with the other woman on a permanent basis? Do they mostly stay for the kids, even if they are in love with the other woman? My XMM certainly did worry that I would meet someone new and dump him. I did dump him, but not because of someone else. I just got bored.
Eclypse Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 If a MM worried about this that would be a bit rich coming from him. F*cking another woman behind his back and worried she may have other suitors? I'm sure his wife would be delighted to know he was so I concerned about fidelity.
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