seven weeks into relationship

[New at this again]

I've been seeing a wonderful woman for just over a month now. We hit it off from the get go but have decided to go nice and slow. No sex yet, even though we've slept together , with undies and intertwined with each other. We live an hour apart from each other and we will see each other at least once a week. She had a full load on her plate as a second grade school teacher and part time personal trainer in the evenings. I too own a gym which keeps me busy till 9:30 at night but will make concessions to go see her in the middle of the week just so we can connect. While she connects with me almost every night , she is almost always too exhausted to have a decent conversation, although I do appreciate her efforts. I've asked her if I or our relationship contributes to her fatigue but she has made it clear to me that she would be totally heartbroken if I wasn't in her life. I find her a very special person for the way she thinks and how important it is for us to slowly move into our relationship before we even hit the sex. When we' re together it's always a comfortable good time with a good flow and both of us being ourselves. We both share openly our feelings about things but not about each other as of yet. I totally agree and respect that as I want us to build out friendship before all else. I am fighting against old reflexes of impulsive and quick moves that had lead to disasters in the past and issues of abandonment which I've kept in check pretty good and growing well, even though at times it's at a cellular level and shakes my entire core. I know she loves to mountain climb and due to her schedule she finds a day in the weekend to go with her climbing partners. Sometimes I've notice it bother me only because we barely see each other during the week, I think that she would prefer that than to make an effort to get an extra day to hang given out schedule and distance. Again, were Only together for just over a month and I'm approaching this one with a new and improved me as a mature adult and not a needy child...even though my inner child screams to spend more time with her. What do you suggest? At this stage of our dating we have become exclusive to one another. What should I expect by way of commitment and the like? Thank you in advance.

A.

[KraftDinner]

OP, you're going to get told you're in the wrong, I'm betting, but I for one get it.

 

Some people just don't need as much time together with their SOs, I'm afraid, and personally I like a lot of time together. This may always be something that's part of your relationship, or maybe not.

 

Do you have plans to move closer or anything like that?

[salparadise]

It sounds like to me that it's going very well. I would say to keep the expectations in check, especially during the early stages of a new relationship. Outside interests are a good thing and it's healthy that she continues to enjoy her hobby, spend time with friends and live a full life apart from the relationship. If you're not doing the same then I suggest that you find something interesting or productive to do while she is climbing. If things continue to progress, perhaps you'll start sharing hobbies and spending that extra time together but I wouldn't crowd her at this point. You will be perceived as more interesting if you're making time for her despite your busy, productive schedule than if you're too available and making her the focus of all your time. Keep it balanced, let it progress naturally.

[New at this again]

Well she is 39 and I'm 50. I too have hobbies like running and biking which we plan on doing together. As for the intimacy , we do kiss and make out...but because she has been burnt in the past she doesn't want to take the same route as before by being impulsive, as she's done some soul searching herself and prefers we develop a strong friendship first. Your thoughts are welcomed.

[BluEyeL]

I would say things are going well, slow, but well. I hope the relationship is moving forward, but perhaps you feel it's too slow. I'd say give her the space and let's see what it develops. If things go well you might do more things together in the near future.

[New at this again]

That's what I'm thinking too. Some in other forums are basicly screaming I should get into her pants ASAP. But every credible author I've ever read in relationships say the contrary. I tend to believe that. She too makes her way down to see me as well, if she wasn't into it she would have avoided driving down one hour and back just to hang. It's only been six weeks so im giving it time and patience. I'm used to the quick in and quick out , but with her I feel I don't want to ruin things as I find her a little special. If this drags in for over two months, how do you suggest I bring it up?

[BluEyeL]

That's what I'm thinking too. Some in other forums are basicly screaming I should get into her pants ASAP. But every credible author I've ever read in relationships say the contrary. I tend to believe that. She too makes her way down to see me as well, if she wasn't into it she would have avoided driving down one hour and back just to hang. It's only been six weeks so im giving it time and patience. I'm used to the quick in and quick out , but with her I feel I don't want to ruin things as I find her a little special. If this drags in for over two months, how do you suggest I bring it up?

 

I think at 2-3 months sex would be OK to happen. You make a romantic date and find a moment to tell her that she is beautiful, you want her, you are serious about this relationship, and want to be exclusive (maybe you already are, but stress it). Let's hope it goes as planned.

[New at this again]

Yes let's hope...thank you!

[BluEyeL]

Yes let's hope...thank you!

Actually, I thank you. You give me hope.

[crederer]

Do things to help her out when she's feeling exhausted. Make her dinner or something while she can relax.

[pteromom]

Sounds good so far to me. It could be she is just very reasonable and rational and will rip you apart when she's ready, or it could be she isn't much into sex. You should have a clue which it is by the making out you've done and how much she's been into it.

 

Have you talked to her about when she wants to move to the next level?

 

Keep talking to her. Keep working on NOT being insecure or making rash decisions. And just move forward.

[New at this again]

I agree with you...I thinking as far as te next level is concerned it should happen at the spur if the moment, naturally. We came close but she pulled back a bit while reassuring me that she preferred not to rush. From our kisses I believe sex will he explosive. I'm patient.

[ja123]

Do things to help her out when she's feeling exhausted. Make her dinner or something while she can relax.

 

I think this is a very good suggestion!

[outsidethebox]

What is it you would bring up? Sex? Not spending enough time together? Both?

 

Nothing could change if you brought anything up from a logistics standpoint. Possibly you could make her feel guilty and try to pressure her into sex sooner, but that wouldn't be a good thing to do and I'm sure you're first to agree with that. If you don't orgasm entwined with her in bed all night something's wrong anyway.

 

The logistics will only improve when you're closer together, and if each is committed to where you currently live for occupation reasons then that's really your biggest problem. Not being able to live closer together until you're living together would also be somewhat of a problem to get to that point probably. Hopefully proximity can be adjusted.