ddc579 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 On Sunday, I posted about meeting this girl and how we set up our second date for two weeks (mainly because of my schedule). I took the consensus advice and tried to keep some fun and flirty communication going. So on Monday, we had a fun little text exchange (flirty and even joking about this weird song that was playing at the restaurant on our date). She even reiterated that she was looking forward to our date on the 3rd. There was no texting on Tuesday. However, I signed onto my OkC profile and saw that she looked it (which she had done pretty much every day since our date -- and I would reciprocate). No big deal. On Wednesday morning, I sent another text, asking how things were going (and made another inside joke about our date, this time about all the extra food we ended up bringing home). I heard nothing from her all day. Life is busy, so while there was a part of me that felt a little "meh", I tried not to think about it too much. She finally texts me back early Thursday afternoon, apologizing and saying she had a really busy day. I assured her it was no problem at all and I totally understood. Then about a half hour later, I signed onto OkC, which streams the most updated profiles at the bottom. I noticed her profile had just updated. Keep in mind that she had been on the site for about a month, and her profile had not really been touched since the beginning. So I clicked on the profile, and there were some new pictures and a whole slew of additional text that wasn't there before. I won't lie -- it just felt a little weird, considering we literally just finished our text exchange 30 minutes before. Now please keep in mind -- I have zero expectation of exclusivity, and I obviously know and expect that she would be talking to and meeting other guys (as she should be). But I don't know -- it was admittedly a funky feeling seeing all of these updates after we just got done communicating (and especially when things seemed to be flowing pretty well up until that point). Are my feelings off-base here?
MidwestUSA Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Stop looking at her profile, and you won't see what's going on. It's standard procedure for people to change/update their profiles whenever the mood strikes them. If you need to refer back to her profile, print it out. That's how I avoided exactly the problem you describe. 1
curlygirl40 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 UGH this is the part I hate about on line dating. Because on the one hand you really hit it off and you're wondering if she maybe doesn't feel the same because then why would she be updating her profile if not to attract other men? And on the other hand it's only been one date so therefore it really shouldn't be a big deal. I don't have too much advice I'm just commiserating more than anything. I think you're justified in the way it makes you feel (crummy) however you can't really expect anything different at this point. Just keep your eyes wide open. In my experience when someone takes the time to update their profile in the beginning stages of dating me it always meant that they weren't that into me since they were obviously taking the time to try to attract others. However it's so new you can't really tell at this point. Best of luck 1
Author ddc579 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Stop looking at her profile, and you won't see what's going on. It's standard procedure for people to change/update their profiles whenever the mood strikes them. If you need to refer back to her profile, print it out. That's how I avoided exactly the problem you describe. You are right -- and I was really trying to make it a point of not looking (until she was looking at mine...I almost wondered if I was "being rude" by not looking back, if that makes sense). Once I saw the update was made, that's when I looked again. I'm not going to look anymore though. It is what it is and I just have to try to see if/how things develop on my own.
curlygirl40 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I actually think it's a good sign that she's looking at your profile, I usually do that when I'm interested in someone after the first date. And chances are she's looking at it to see when you were last online, and the fact that you're online often is making her wonder if you're that interested in her and therefore making her change up her profile to attract others because she's afraid you're not interested. Ah the tangled webs we weave!! lol
Author ddc579 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 I actually think it's a good sign that she's looking at your profile, I usually do that when I'm interested in someone after the first date. And chances are she's looking at it to see when you were last online, and the fact that you're online often is making her wonder if you're that interested in her and therefore making her change up her profile to attract others because she's afraid you're not interested. Ah the tangled webs we weave!! lol That thought totally crossed my mind. I actually mentioned that to my best friend, and he completely dismissed it -- but I think there may be validity. In my case, I just logged in to either look around or because I received an email I was going to read. I had zero plans on making any updates to my profile. Unfortunately, there's no way for her to know that. So while we're being speculative, what you said could really be true. 1
Author ddc579 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 So to follow-up (and maybe this is a silly question)... Let's say curlygirl's scenario is accurate -- should I really be abstaining from logging on? It's typically once a day when I get home from work, and I've done that on previous dates too (as have they, so I never saw that to be an issue).
FitChick Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Create a fake, empty profile of someone she'd never go for, so you can spy on her. Then she'll wonder who the creepy, fat, old guy is who keeps checking her out. 1
Star Gazer Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 You feel funky because you like her, but seeing that reminds you of the obvious fact that she's keeping her options open - as she should be. Chill. Stop looking at her profile.
Author ddc579 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Just as a point of clarification (which I mentioned earlier)... As a matter of point, I always try to avoid clicking someone's profile after we've met (unless I have a date that night and I'm trying to pick up things to talk about). Since the date, she checked my profile numerous times. In my mind, I tried to figure out if (in her psyche) it would be worse if I did or didn't look at hers in return. Ultimately, I decided it would be better to click it, because my mentality (right or wrong) was that her feelings would be hurt if I didn't. That was my honest-to-God mindset. The only time I clicked it independently was this last time, when her update literally appeared on the OkC homepage. Again, I'm not saying I was right or wrong -- I'm just trying to give a perspective beyond, "This guy just keeps checking on her." That's honestly not the case.
Star Gazer Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 You're worrying way too much. Just stop looking. There's nothing untoward about what she's done.
outsidethebox Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Your reasoning was correct, but she probably would have updated her profile whether you logged on or not. In other words I don't think she would update her profile simply because you were still logging in. My expectations are that she will continue to explore dating options for awhile. Maybe a few more with you she will suspend her account and tell you. Good luck.
Buttercup84 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 You and her both have the right to look aroind and date other people. You two are not an item, and she can update her profile. Just get to know her better first. 1
JourneyLady Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Sometimes, like recently, I have a better photo of myself or one that I like that I want to upload. Then I look at my profile and remember something I wanted in there that isn't and that I forgot. So I put that in too... So while I might update it, it has nothing to do with whoever I'm dating -- unless I've agreed to be in a relationship, in which case I'll hide it or take it down completely.
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