frostythesnowman Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Hey everyone, it would mean a lot of you could read and respond. Y'all can look at my last posts from a couple years ago if you want a little more background information. Unfortunately, I'm back on these forums 2 years later because of the same girl. I was a junior in high school when I posted, and now I'm a freshman in college. Basically, since middle school, me and this girl have had feelings for each other. We dated for a year in high school, and she broke up with me and dated another guy until college. I was heartbroken, never got over her. Always pursued her, was always available, obviously being my mistakes. I'm not going to go into detail but I have had really strong feelings for her and I still do. While we haven't always been together, we have probably never gone more than 3 weeks without talking in some way or another. She broke up with her other boyfriend going into college and for a while I ignored her texts. I ended up texting her eventually and she wanted to hangout during our first break. Instead, she hung out with the other guy. On the most recent break, we hung out, and as sad as it is, it was probably the best day I have had in a while. I haven't felt so happy and so content with myself as I did in those few hours. After going back to school, talking to her every day now, she tells me she plans on hanging out with the other guy a few days later. Of course this does not sit well with me, so I ask her what exactly the point of talking to me is, and I break off whatever we were doing. I'm posting here because we are about to get off for summer break, and both of us will be home. It sucks that I still have feelings for her, it really does. In all honesty, its pathetic. If you can't tell from the last couple paragraphs, she's done more harm to me than good. Last summer was a catastrophe- I had it in my mind that it was my last chance to actually spend time with her, and she ended up giving me false hope that she was going to break up with her boyfriend and hang out with me for the last few weeks. Instead, I ended up more broken hearted than ever. I get it, I'm in college and it shouldn't be like this. I should be over her, but I'm not. I just want to be happy this summer, and I don't want to be depressed out of my ass like last. But at the same time, there is this burning part inside of me that knows she is single and wants to try and be with her. Who knows, what if we hang out a couple times, she gets hooked, and we can have a summer together. But then again, the likely hood of this happening is next to nothing. Its obvious that I need to get over her, but its hard when she texts me every few days, leads me in to want her, and then slowly draws back when she knows I'm interested. I need some motivation, I want to be happy more than anything. I just can't convince myself that I will be happier without her than if somehow I could be with her- because I don't know if that's true. Anyways, thanks for reading this. It really means a lot and I hope I can get some good advice.
DreamLost Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I need some motivation, I want to be happy more than anything. I just can't convince myself that I will be happier without her than if somehow I could be with her- because I don't know if that's true. Hi frostythesnowman, Harsh Facts: 1. Her being single doesn't necessarily mean you two can be together 2. The problem is on your side because you felt like you are being lead in just because she text you 3. You can be happy even without her Now we have the false hopes out of the way, For (1): Does she know you still have feelings for her? For (2): Can you tell me more on the kind of stuff you and her talk about? For (3): I learn this a very painful way and so I don't want you to go through the same thing. DreamLost
thefooloftheyear Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 She is a cruel person.... Why the hell would she continuously text someone(who has feelings) while being with someone else? If she knows where you stand, then tell her to hit the bricks and see if you can find happiness with yourself or someone who is actually going to reciprocate the attention/affection. Just move along. She is toying with you. TFY
Author frostythesnowman Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 I need some motivation, I want to be happy more than anything. I just can't convince myself that I will be happier without her than if somehow I could be with her- because I don't know if that's true. Hi frostythesnowman, Harsh Facts: 1. Her being single doesn't necessarily mean you two can be together 2. The problem is on your side because you felt like you are being lead in just because she text you 3. You can be happy even without her Now we have the false hopes out of the way, For (1): Does she know you still have feelings for her? For (2): Can you tell me more on the kind of stuff you and her talk about? For (3): I learn this a very painful way and so I don't want you to go through the same thing. DreamLost She can definitely tell I still have feelings for her- which is probably why she isn't chasing me whatsoever. When we talk its just about nothing, I've gotten a couple texts from her late at night saying "I miss you". But then again, after a couple days of talking to her, she doesn't seem interested. When we've both been in town, its next to impossible to get her to hang out with me. Which is really strange because we talk nonstop the few days before, and then I have to convince her to hangout with me, which is not how it should be. When we do hangout, like I said, its really good though. I just dont get it.
Author frostythesnowman Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 She is a cruel person.... Why the hell would she continuously text someone(who has feelings) while being with someone else? If she knows where you stand, then tell her to hit the bricks and see if you can find happiness with yourself or someone who is actually going to reciprocate the attention/affection. Just move along. She is toying with you. TFY She just isn't happy with one guy. When she knows she has someone, she wants something to chase. Putting it into perspective, she sounds like a pretty awful person, but I can't exactly help the way I feel.
Chi townD Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Dude, you are a puppy dog and whenever she wants a little attention, she knows all she has to do is pull on the leash. How is that being fair to you? And I mean, my God, you're in college! There are plenty of beautiful girls running around on Campus that you can get with. Hell, there's probably a couple of them that thought you were cute as hell and sweet, but you're putting off that "I'm not available" vibe, and you get passed up! All because you're holding out for a girl that ONLY gives you breadcrumbs whenever SHE feels like throwing you a bone. How is that being fair to yourself? Where's your self esteem? She is not the only girl in the world! I have a feeling that if she ever got wind that there might be another girl in the picture, she would be contacting you non-stop. See, she doesn't want to date you, but she also doesn't want you dating anyone else and lose that attention she can get anytime from you. But, it's okay for her to spend one day with you and spend the rest of her time banging some other dude. Dude, It might not be what you want to hear, but it's time to let go. Start going NC on her. Time to start living your life. Time to ENJOY your life. There's a girl out there that's going to be so into you. And she's going to want to spend her time with you because there's no other place in this world that she would rather be. And I truely believe that she's out there and she's waiting for you to find her. But, you're never going to find her if you're hung up on someone that could care less if you're there or not. 2
DreamLost Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I agree with Chi townD. As hard as this sounds, going after her will just make you miserable and lost. Why not try to date some girls at the college? Cuz what is going to happen is that she is going to continue to date different guys and since she knows you will be her puppy on a leash she has no problem treating you unfairly. You are a nice guy and trust me, you will find someone better. DreamLost
Author frostythesnowman Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Dude, you are a puppy dog and whenever she wants a little attention, she knows all she has to do is pull on the leash. How is that being fair to you? And I mean, my God, you're in college! There are plenty of beautiful girls running around on Campus that you can get with. Hell, there's probably a couple of them that thought you were cute as hell and sweet, but you're putting off that "I'm not available" vibe, and you get passed up! All because you're holding out for a girl that ONLY gives you breadcrumbs whenever SHE feels like throwing you a bone. How is that being fair to yourself? Where's your self esteem? She is not the only girl in the world! I have a feeling that if she ever got wind that there might be another girl in the picture, she would be contacting you non-stop. See, she doesn't want to date you, but she also doesn't want you dating anyone else and lose that attention she can get anytime from you. But, it's okay for her to spend one day with you and spend the rest of her time banging some other dude. Dude, It might not be what you want to hear, but it's time to let go. Start going NC on her. Time to start living your life. Time to ENJOY your life. There's a girl out there that's going to be so into you. And she's going to want to spend her time with you because there's no other place in this world that she would rather be. And I truely believe that she's out there and she's waiting for you to find her. But, you're never going to find her if you're hung up on someone that could care less if you're there or not. Thank you for this. I just need some motivation to move on and to realize she is not what's best for me. She has not been fair to me whatsoever, and by now I should be long over her. I think I need to give myself more credit, and I just need to realize she is not some perfect girl- she has been pretty damn awful to me and unless she changes that she can no longer be in my life at all
Author frostythesnowman Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 I agree with Chi townD. As hard as this sounds, going after her will just make you miserable and lost. Why not try to date some girls at the college? Cuz what is going to happen is that she is going to continue to date different guys and since she knows you will be her puppy on a leash she has no problem treating you unfairly. You are a nice guy and trust me, you will find someone better. DreamLost I sure as hell hope so. When I do find someone better, I feel that it'll be so much easier to move on
Author frostythesnowman Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 A couple of things on my mind in the past few days- 1. She texted me and I didn't respond for a while, but eventually I gave in. I can tell myself "why should I respond" but then I end up thinking "why not..". I have ignored her before, but I can't help the fact that I want to talk to her. 2. As stated above, I need to move on. But I can't get the thought out of my head that I could have a great time this summer with her. If I don't try, I feel that I will literally be handing her over to her other ex boyfriend, if that makes sense. If I'm not trying to talk to her/asking if she wants to hangout, she will just go and hangout with the other guy, with minimal effort from him. This does not sit well with me because for years I have tried so much harder than that to spend time with her, and I probably could this summer if I did try. How am I supposed to stand seeing her show up to whatever party there is with this guy again (they used to do that when together, if together this summer then it'll just be the same thing), as well as see them together when that could possibly be me?
Chi townD Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 A couple of things on my mind in the past few days- 1. She texted me and I didn't respond for a while, but eventually I gave in. I can tell myself "why should I respond" but then I end up thinking "why not..". I have ignored her before, but I can't help the fact that I want to talk to her. 2. As stated above, I need to move on. But I can't get the thought out of my head that I could have a great time this summer with her. If I don't try, I feel that I will literally be handing her over to her other ex boyfriend, if that makes sense. If I'm not trying to talk to her/asking if she wants to hangout, she will just go and hangout with the other guy, with minimal effort from him. This does not sit well with me because for years I have tried so much harder than that to spend time with her, and I probably could this summer if I did try. How am I supposed to stand seeing her show up to whatever party there is with this guy again (they used to do that when together, if together this summer then it'll just be the same thing), as well as see them together when that could possibly be me? Dude? Really? Do you even have a SHREAD of self esteem? Okay, if you ignore her and she hangs out with the other dude (and by your own words, with little to no effort by him) doesn't that kinda tell you where you stand with her? SHe could take you or leave you. Doesn't matter to her. YOU don't matter to her (except maybe as a REALLY good friend! *puke*) AND STOP RUNNING TO HER EVERYTIME SHE TEXTS!!! If that happens again, stop! Breath! and post here instead! People will be here to walk you through it. All you did was let her know that puppy dog was still on the leash! And running into her over the summer or seeing her at a party with this other dude. Don't be there. simple. Just don't be there. Alcoholics don't hang out at bars as soon as they leave treatment and they are serious about being sober. You shouldn't either! Plan out your summer ahead of time. Keep yourself busy! If someone asks you if you're going to be somewhere that she MIGHT be at, just say, "Nope! Sorry dude. I'm gonna be camping that weekend." The next time, "Nope! Sorry dude. Going to Phoenix for a concert." or whatever! If there is a party and you don't have anything planned, ask if she's going to be there. If she isn't, GO! Have a blast! If she is, then find something else to do.
Author frostythesnowman Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Dude? Really? Do you even have a SHREAD of self esteem? Okay, if you ignore her and she hangs out with the other dude (and by your own words, with little to no effort by him) doesn't that kinda tell you where you stand with her? SHe could take you or leave you. Doesn't matter to her. YOU don't matter to her (except maybe as a REALLY good friend! *puke*) AND STOP RUNNING TO HER EVERYTIME SHE TEXTS!!! If that happens again, stop! Breath! and post here instead! People will be here to walk you through it. All you did was let her know that puppy dog was still on the leash! And running into her over the summer or seeing her at a party with this other dude. Don't be there. simple. Just don't be there. Alcoholics don't hang out at bars as soon as they leave treatment and they are serious about being sober. You shouldn't either! Plan out your summer ahead of time. Keep yourself busy! If someone asks you if you're going to be somewhere that she MIGHT be at, just say, "Nope! Sorry dude. I'm gonna be camping that weekend." The next time, "Nope! Sorry dude. Going to Phoenix for a concert." or whatever! If there is a party and you don't have anything planned, ask if she's going to be there. If she isn't, GO! Have a blast! If she is, then find something else to do. Thanks for that, when its put that its not hard to see that I'm doing way too much for someone who cares so little compared to me. After all these years of me being there for her, she doesn't deserve me. She hasn't done anything for me but drag me along. I have a pretty good mindset right now about moving on. All I really needed was a full realization of how bad she has been for me. I will definitely continue to post here on what happens from here out.
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 There ya go! That's the right attitude to have! Look at it this way. Most girls are DYING to have a boyfriend that will give them the amount of attention that you've put forth in a girl that really doesn't care. Most girls would be falling over each other trying to get with a guy that puts so much effort into a relationship. And here's the rub. THEY'RE OUT THERE!!! And they're waiting for you to make the first move. So, to be honest, you and truthfully say to yourself; HER LOSS!!!!!
Author frostythesnowman Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 So she texted me last night about nothing really, didn't respond, and she texted me again with a sarcastic tone referring to the fact that I didn't respond to her first text. Didn't say anything, although she's snap chatted me a couple times since then. I'm guessing I did the smart thing by ignoring her
Author frostythesnowman Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 A little update She texted me again about a week ago, haven't heard from her since. Her summer break started a week ago and I guess her other ex boyfriend's did too, because she her sister just uploaded pictures of them together (my ex and her other ex boyfriend) on facebook. I know I shouldn't care and I'm trying not to but seeing that just killed me. Makes me feel like **** that she doesn't care when I don't show interest and she just goes on to her other guy. Feeling pretty worthless right now.
Minneloa Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 She's showing her true colors. You did the right thing for yourself by withdrawing from the situation. Sorry it hurts. Sending good thoughts!
Author frostythesnowman Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 No matter how pathetic it would be, I'm pretty tempted to text her. I don't know why, I just really want to talk to her/see her. I guess I feel pretty lonely without her. Knowing she's probably having a good time with her other ex kills me when I think about how that could be me. I'm not one to sit around and not do anything when something could be done so this is hard for me
aisuru Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Brace yourself... tough love incoming. So basically, you are sexually attracted to her and want her to be your girlfriend. Here's the tough breaks, she does not want to have sex with you. Period. End of story. She doesn't even want to spend time with you unless there is NOBODY BETTER. Like, you're last on the list dude. This isn't going to change, as evidenced by how long you've been friends and her choosing to hang out with an ex boyfriend. Why the hell would you allow this? Why do you like her? What makes you think this is acceptable? Do you want to chase a girl who is obviously not interested? Have you no self respect? Do you want to know that she can sense your desperation? That she uses it to her advantage when she's bored and lonely? She's just not that into you. Time to stop being her go to listener and go find a girl who likes you for you. And that wants to have sex with you. Delete her contact information and go no contact. Have some self respect dude. 3
Author frostythesnowman Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Brace yourself... tough love incoming. So basically, you are sexually attracted to her and want her to be your girlfriend. Here's the tough breaks, she does not want to have sex with you. Period. End of story. She doesn't even want to spend time with you unless there is NOBODY BETTER. Like, you're last on the list dude. This isn't going to change, as evidenced by how long you've been friends and her choosing to hang out with an ex boyfriend. Why the hell would you allow this? Why do you like her? What makes you think this is acceptable? Do you want to chase a girl who is obviously not interested? Have you no self respect? Do you want to know that she can sense your desperation? That she uses it to her advantage when she's bored and lonely? She's just not that into you. Time to stop being her go to listener and go find a girl who likes you for you. And that wants to have sex with you. Delete her contact information and go no contact. Have some self respect dude. I get that I need to move on, and I get that she has just been dragging me along. I don't think I'm as far as "last on her list" though. With that being said, you're right. I guess she just isn't that into me, and its hard to believe when I've put so much time and thought into her that its as simple as that. I think about the year that I was with her all of the time, even if it was a couple years ago. I just can't get over the fact that without me putting in any effort at all, she goes straight to the other guy and just doesn't really give a **** about me. Obviously this is all the more reason to not want her to be in my life whatsoever, but it makes times when she does actually text me so much more significant that it gets me thinking. I know what I need to do, and I personally need to give myself more credit so that I'm not dragged around by her anymore, but its a lot easier said than done. I am still hurt by how she doesn't choose me after all of this time, and I'm just plain jealous of the other guy, because I know for a fact that he has no idea how it feels to be so desperate to have her, and he just gets her. The fact that I hung out with her last month, with it being much more than a friendly hangout makes it a lot harder to give up too, just because in the back of my head I think that if I make another effort, I might be able to have that time with her again
aisuru Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I get that I need to move on, and I get that she has just been dragging me along. I don't think I'm as far as "last on her list" though. With that being said, you're right. I guess she just isn't that into me, and its hard to believe when I've put so much time and thought into her that its as simple as that. I think about the year that I was with her all of the time, even if it was a couple years ago. I just can't get over the fact that without me putting in any effort at all, she goes straight to the other guy and just doesn't really give a **** about me. Obviously this is all the more reason to not want her to be in my life whatsoever, but it makes times when she does actually text me so much more significant that it gets me thinking. I know what I need to do, and I personally need to give myself more credit so that I'm not dragged around by her anymore, but its a lot easier said than done. I am still hurt by how she doesn't choose me after all of this time, and I'm just plain jealous of the other guy, because I know for a fact that he has no idea how it feels to be so desperate to have her, and he just gets her. The fact that I hung out with her last month, with it being much more than a friendly hangout makes it a lot harder to give up too, just because in the back of my head I think that if I make another effort, I might be able to have that time with her again It will hurt. I know it does hurt. It's hard to give up on something you've been wishing and dreaming of. Unfortunately, in my younger years, I probably had a few guys who I just thought of as friends, that probably were where you are right now. That is where most of us women are speaking from... It's hard to hear, but what you need to hear. 1
Author frostythesnowman Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Time to change your phone number... Honey, this will never happen, no matter how hard you try. She is not interested. Any "time" you've had with her is an illusion. She has no intention of making you her boyfriend. You've wasted 2 years, don't waste another minute. Let her go. I know I've wasted a lot of time on her, making it all the worse. It's been hard to engrave it in my mind that I just have to actually give up. I'm not one to just give in, and my tendency to become obsessed with whatever I am motivated to do has not made it easier. I know I have to move on, and I really want to move on to better things than her. After all of this time, I really don't think that she deserves me when she settles for that other guy. I'll have times where I have good motivation to stay busy and keep her out of my life, but other times such as the other night where I just want to talk to her- so I posted here. I am going to continue to post here whenever I feel the need to reach out to her. I know what I need to do, I just need some motivation when I get stuck sometimes, which I am thankful that you and everyone else are giving me 1
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 That's good though, you're doing the right thing. You have stuff to keep you distracted, but there will always be times when you're not so distracted and you dwell. Then you post here, or add another activity to the rotation. I've replaced on drug with another. Not emailing the ex, so I'm on here doling out advice. When I want to break this habit, I'll find another to replace it. That's how it's done. :-) Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Between the two of us, we know all. My life is now complete. 1
Tinie Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Absolutely go no contact. Even if it gets so tempting to talk to her that it makes you want to explode. The sooner you cut her out of your life, the better. She does not care about you the way you care about her. So why are you wasting your time? She's like a leech, sucking you dry. Time to think about yourself and she can screw off.
Author frostythesnowman Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Absolutely go no contact. Even if it gets so tempting to talk to her that it makes you want to explode. The sooner you cut her out of your life, the better. She does not care about you the way you care about her. So why are you wasting your time? She's like a leech, sucking you dry. Time to think about yourself and she can screw off. That has been my problem. I have not been thinking about my own interests whatsoever, and I have spent all of my time thinking with respect to her (what will she think if I do this? What will she think of me when I do that?)
Foreverandalwaysxo Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 That's why you should delete her off everything and delete the people she hangs with like her sister. It's unhealthy for you to see pics or anything of her... Delete her from snap chat and even delete her number. Plus you said she loves to chase, so by you replying or liking her pictures or whatever is basicaly boring for her because there's nothing to chase since you're chasing her. So ignore her, make her chase you.
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