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Somebody stop me from breaking NC!

Devastated77

By Devastated77
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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I just want to send "You're not missing me at all, are you."

 

I can't handle this pain...I try and I try and it just won't go away!!

 

Somebody please stop me from breaking it... I'm going INSANE

iouaname Established Member

iouaname

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I mean, there's no way that we can physically stop you but take a deep breath and think about what the responses will be and how much worse you will feel for having broken it.

 

She/He will respond "No, I don't." And then you will be upset, or he/she will not respond at all which is basically the same as "No, I don't."

 

It isn't worth it. Turn your phone off and do something else. The feeling will pass.

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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You are planning on breaking no contact and that's what you are going to send? Yeesh. I'd say don't break no contact until you come up with something a lot better than that.

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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Like what?

iouaname Established Member

iouaname

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Like what?

 

No, there is nothing better. All of it is equally bad, trust me. Turn your phone off and go do something you can be proud of tomorrow morning.

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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All that works is sleeping...and I just woke up from a 2 hour nap so I can't do that again.

 

I am sick of this jittery, scared, panicky feeling!!!

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Like what?

 

Well, you shouldn't say anything whatsoever, but yeah, I don't see any possible point or upside to what you want to say. What can possibly come of that that would be constructive?

 

Breaking NC is a bad idea, but breaking NC by asking that particular question makes it much worse. If you were ever going to break NC, do it by being funny (BUT DO NOT BREAK IT!). That's not funny, that's just depressing.

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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nothing constructive would come from it...but then I might know what the point is in all of this and if we are ever going to even talk again

iouaname Established Member

iouaname

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All that works is sleeping...and I just woke up from a 2 hour nap so I can't do that again.

 

I am sick of this jittery, scared, panicky feeling!!!

 

If you are going to keep no contact, then you need to figure out your ways of doing it. Posting here isn't going to help. You need to buckle down.

 

Here is a suggestion: open a word document on your computer, and start yourself a journal. Decorate it with pictures and color and pretty fonts, and then write out whatever you want to say. Journal away for hours about whatever you want. This should keep you distracted for a while, and then the feeling will pass...

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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I'm sorry if I annoyed anyone by posting...it just felt like the right place to go because others are also going through it :(

iouaname Established Member

iouaname

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You haven't annoyed anyone, but there are only two options: break no contact or don't. There's not a third option. Just don't break it. Turn your phone off and do something else until the feeling passes...

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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nothing constructive would come from it...but then I might know what the point is in all of this and if we are ever going to even talk again

 

No you won't figure out the point, trust me. It'll just bring about more questions and frustration for you. It will be absolutely, utterly pointless and counterproductive. And time will tell if you are going to ever talk to him again. But it's better not to talk than to have the inevitably awful conversation that's bound to happen if you break NC and send that message.

 

And you aren't annoying anyone.

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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I haven't sent it. I know it's not a good idea. I just can't get rid of this sick feeling. 13 years, down the drain? He said he wanted to be friends but then cut all contact anyway so I did the same. (Apart from him asking to borrow money which he paid back today).

 

There's this stupid saying that goes "It will take half the length of time of your relationship to get over someone". That's 6.5 years! I cannot take that long of this!!!!!

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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I haven't sent it. I know it's not a good idea. I just can't get rid of this sick feeling. 13 years, down the drain? He said he wanted to be friends but then cut all contact anyway so I did the same. (Apart from him asking to borrow money which he paid back today).

 

There's this stupid saying that goes "It will take half the length of time of your relationship to get over someone". That's 6.5 years! I cannot take that long of this!!!!!

 

Its not going to take 6.5 Years. Maybe a year and most of it will be a h*ll of a lot better than you feel now. Dont break NC or youll shatter any reamining self respect and confidence you have left.

 

You just need to ride it out these few weeks and the insane urges will get better. Your an addict trying to purge the drug from your system. Urges pass you just need to ride it out.

 

Minute by minute day by day. Weve all been there. My RS was 8 years and it was pure insanity early on and i though it would never end and that death was imminent. You can do it.. im indifferent at 7 months NC. Keep on going. It gets better. Cav

Edited by cavalier99
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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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Thanks Cav...I'm glad to hear it does get better because quite honestly, I feel like I really am going insane. Whilst I want to text, I DON'T want to as well...because this sick feeling won't pass by seeing his name pop up on my phone. It will just make me afraid to even read it. Which shows I'm also not ready to hear from him, either.

 

Then again, does anyone EVER not get that sick feeling when they see a text from their ex??

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Thanks Cav...I'm glad to hear it does get better because quite honestly, I feel like I really am going insane. Whilst I want to text, I DON'T want to as well...because this sick feeling won't pass by seeing his name pop up on my phone. It will just make me afraid to even read it. Which shows I'm also not ready to hear from him, either.

 

Then again, does anyone EVER not get that sick feeling when they see a text from their ex??

 

No problem. Believe me you dont want a text from the ex. you feel good for a minute then will puke for a few days and will be messed up for weeks. Nice texts are even worse. Lol :) cav

 

 

PS blocking him is probably a good idea for your own sanity. That way you know he cant contact you even if he wont. Will stop you from looking at the phone and it is a proactive step in your healing.

Edited by cavalier99
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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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oh how I wish!

 

My phone doesn't have the option to block texts :(

DreamLost Member

DreamLost

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I haven't sent it. I know it's not a good idea. I just can't get rid of this sick feeling. 13 years, down the drain? He said he wanted to be friends but then cut all contact anyway so I did the same. (Apart from him asking to borrow money which he paid back today).

 

There's this stupid saying that goes "It will take half the length of time of your relationship to get over someone". That's 6.5 years! I cannot take that long of this!!!!!

 

The time it will take to heal is different for different people. I was in a 5 year relationship and it's been 9 years and I am still not completely over it. But I think an important thing to speed up the process is to keep yourself real busy with other stuff in life. ;)

 

DreamLost

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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Oh Dreamlost, I totally feel for you :(

 

Does anyone ever find themselves wishing they'd never met the ex?? I mean I don't regret the 13 yrs but sh*t...life would be so much easier without the pain

DreamLost Member

DreamLost

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Oh Dreamlost, I totally feel for you :(

 

Does anyone ever find themselves wishing they'd never met the ex?? I mean I don't regret the 13 yrs but sh*t...life would be so much easier without the pain

 

The short answer is no. Unless they were in an abusive/bad relationship

 

Your ex help shape the way you are now and with him/her you've shared warm memories you will remember for the rest of your life. Surely the relationship doesn't have to end this way, but when it does, think of the pain as something you give in exchange for all the good stuff.

 

DreamLost

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Devastated77 Member

Devastated77

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DL, what do you use to occupy your time to try and not think about them and all of this?

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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I haven't sent it. I know it's not a good idea. I just can't get rid of this sick feeling. 13 years, down the drain? He said he wanted to be friends but then cut all contact anyway so I did the same. (Apart from him asking to borrow money which he paid back today).

 

There's this stupid saying that goes "It will take half the length of time of your relationship to get over someone". That's 6.5 years! I cannot take that long of this!!!!!

 

That's bull****. I got over a six year relationship in six WEEKS. In fact, around two and a half years after the breakup, when I was into my third relationship after the breakup, I suddenly remembered this half the time "rule" and turned to my best friend and said, "Hey, remember my ex, John? In six months I'll be over him!" We laughed a lot over that.

 

Why are you not pissed at him? He doesn't love you, he doesn't show any regard for you, he just USES YOU. He is using you. He doesn't miss you. He's relaxing, he's relieved, he's possibly having sex with someone else, and he ****ing took money out of your account!! What an *******.

 

Imagine that you had a daughter, and that daughter was going through this. Wouldn't you be pissed enough to want to beat the **** out of that dude? It's no different here.

 

If you want to contact him, just know that it will make you look weak. And weak is not attractive.

 

Strength and silence are how you will get your self-respect. Cancel the bank card if you haven't already, and don't ever talk to him again. Type up a list of all the bad things about him.

youngnlove89 Established Member

youngnlove89

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I haven't read the other replies to your post, but I hope you made it through the night. You aren't alone! I get weak too, but in the end I re-direct my thoughts and think of what would happen if I did contact him.

 

1. He answers, but nothing will change.

or

2. He doesn't answer, and I hurt more.

 

Eh, neither of those options are good, are they? That's why it's important to stay NC because there are NO benefits to breaking NC. Repeat, NO BENEFITS.

 

Stay NC and you:

1. Heal

2. Save yourself from misery

and eventually,

3. Move on

 

Do what is right. Anything worth it in the end, will not be easy.

DreamLost Member

DreamLost

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DL, what do you use to occupy your time to try and not think about them and all of this?

 

I am glad that you asked. Here are the things I tried:

 

1. Keep yourself really busy at work

2. Call up some friends you haven't talked to for a long time and hang out with them

3. Spend more quality time with your family (I am sure there are things you've overlooked before)

4. Do something you've never done before (I went skydiving)

5. Read some related books on how to deal with the issue

6. Sports, sports, sports

7. Anything to keep your mind off the thoughts

 

I am not going to lie to you, even with all the stuff I did, the thoughts still creep up on me from time to time. But when you are spending less time thinking about this, it makes it much easier to deal with.

 

DreamLost

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