Stumbling a bit today...

[justletgo07]

Hi everyone. So, today is just about 2 weeks since the break-up, and I've been NC pretty much the entire time. We were together for about 2 years (I'm 27 and she's 25). She broke things off because she feels like our lives are headed in different directions, and that we're just not meant to be together. The major issues have been some struggles with faith (not insurmountable, in my opinion) and the fact that I am interested in working internationally, and she wants to stay and live in the city in which we both currently live. We didn't have an unusual amount of arguing, and day-to-day we were always pretty happy with each other. We have talked about these big issues before and we always agreed that we could figure out a way to work through them. For example, I was willing to take a job in this city and just try to find one that also allowed me to do some traveling. I felt like we were on the same page about figuring these things out, but I am now about 2 months from finishing grad school (after which time we would be facing some of these decisions in a more real way), and I feel like she may have gotten spooked. She told me that I had done nothing wrong and that I am a great man and she was so thankful to have had these past 2 years with me, but that she just didn't think we were meant to be. Would that fit the GIGS model? There isn't another guy. Seems maybe there just wasn't enough love there to make it work...at least it seems that is what it boils down to. She says she just doesn't know what she wants, and maybe hasn't dated enough people.

 

So, tonight I get a call from my friend who wants to hang out. Well, he proceeds to tell me that he hung out with her earlier this week and that they talked about me. Of course I can't help but ask (how stupid of me). Basically, he just repeats the same stuff back to me that I have just written above, so it is more or less just like hearing it all over again from her, and pretty much tells me that over the past 2 weeks she has remained very firm in her decision. She did ask how I was doing, and I know she cares very much about me, but I think you guys also know how that kinda stings when they want to make sure you're alright after breaking your heart. She apparently told my friend that she "could be making the biggest mistake of her life," but I don't take that as meaning much of anything, since she told me during that break-up that she had told other friends that too.

 

It's just hard to hear after I had started to get my head in at least a little bit of the right place. I asked my friend not to tell me anymore if he hangs out with her, and I'm trying to start over and not lose too much ground. I've typically ended up in break-ups due to excessive arguing and other such problems, but never where everything seemed very happy until it wasn't (sort of out of the blue). I'm just really thrown off, on top of feeling the normal heart-wrenching poweless-ness that comes with being the dumpee. On top of all of it, the timing couldn't possibly be worse, as my parents filed for divorce after 33 years of marriage last month, and during all of this I am trying my best to keep up my grades and graduate.

 

I would love some thoughts on our break-up, similar stories, or just some words of comfort. I just feel super sad and alone right now. I know hope is a bad idea, but is there any hope to be found here?

[barky2]

Hey man thanks for sharing your story.

 

Of course there's hope., I'm a prime example.

 

Hundreds of people on here...just search " got back together with my ex"

 

I want you to focus on one thing...and one thing only.

 

" I may be making the biggest mistake of my life."

 

That right there tells you shes been thinking about it before she even opened her mouth.

 

Now, it's time to sack up buddy!

 

NC is needed here....for a few reasons.

 

You'll give her time to miss you, and contemplate her decision.

 

You'll be able to think about all this in a much more clearer head.

 

You'll have the chance to do things for YOu!

 

You'll have the chance to let go of the pain in your being.

 

Do you see what positives can come from taking a step back right now and doing you for a little bit?

 

I wouldn't steer you wrong.

 

And when she does reach out....BC she will, BEFORE responding or answer the phone call, post here. If I'm not around someone will be, we've all been there. Exactly in your shoes.

 

Mine took 8 months to get her back. And a lot of others around here have waited even longer.

 

Don't focus on time.

 

Let go of hope until otherwise told.

 

Hang in there brother.

[justletgo07]

Thanks man. I plan to stay NC, potentially forever. I'm just so baffled. Everything was going really great (at least it seemed to be) and then we broke up. She is afraid that I will have to give up my dreams to be with her, and that I may up end up resenting her for that. Maybe it's just a line/excuse that dumpers give, and maybe she has just fallen out of love. I really don't know.

 

It's just hard to feel so powerless, and it sucks that she's not mad or unhappy with me, but just wants out. In many ways it makes it so much harder, because it makes it seem like she is 100% totally at peace with the decision, and I just don't see how she got there and I had no idea it was coming.

 

I plan to work on myself, and try my best not to look back.

[Infnitysign]

Thanks man. I plan to stay NC, potentially forever. I'm just so baffled. Everything was going really great (at least it seemed to be) and then we broke up. She is afraid that I will have to give up my dreams to be with her, and that I may up end up resenting her for that. Maybe it's just a line/excuse that dumpers give, and maybe she has just fallen out of love. I really don't know.

 

It's just hard to feel so powerless, and it sucks that she's not mad or unhappy with me, but just wants out. In many ways it makes it so much harder, because it makes it seem like she is 100% totally at peace with the decision, and I just don't see how she got there and I had no idea it was coming.

 

I plan to work on myself, and try my best not to look back.

 

Dont think too much of her reasons for dumping you because you won't find anything. You will never know the real reason because she probably doesn't know it herself.

 

Just to be clear she is not 100% sure of the break up thats why she said this might be the biggest mistake of her life. She is just putting up on the surface that she is fine.

 

If you want her back just go on with your life like she was just a speed bump in your life and you just had to slow down for her. Now you don't have to slow down anymore, now you can focus on yourself.