crimsoncurrent Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Quick stats: 3 1/2 relationship ended, 4 months since the BU, 3 months of complete NC. Even though I know for certain there's no chance of us ever getting back together, I still have this hope that she'll contact me. If my phone vibrates in my pocket, my mind automatically thinks if it's her. When I'm checking my emails in the morning, there's a hope that I'll see an email from her. When I'm in the shower, my phone charging, I wonder if I'm missing a call from her. Am I crazy to think this, especially after so much time has passed without seeing her? Also, because so much time has elapsed, and I think she's relationship dependent, if I was going to put money on it, I bet she's in a full-blown relationship already, and not just dating. I obsess as to who it might be. If the person's better-looking, more dynamic, or even a better lover than me. Can someone else relate to this? I'd appreciate if someone can provide any insight. Thank you. 4
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I think these thoughts are completely normal and I feel much the same way. You have to be careful though, as your mind will play tricks on you. Best not to assume or fabricate anything. I know this can be difficult, but just try to focus on you and don't worry about her. But again, I know first hand how hard this can be. Stay strong and do for yourself 1
EmptyWalls Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I do this exact same crap and haven't broken it yet (3 months since the BU). Its like I hope its her that meaning shes thinking of me but then I don't because it would be to painful. Dude I am in really no condition at this time to give you any advice. Just know you're not alone...... you're not alone. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 And, I think it's better if she doesn't contact you anyway. Believe me, it just opens up a whole can of worms in your mind and will most definitely set you back, as it did me... 1
Author crimsoncurrent Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 I think these thoughts are completely normal and I feel much the same way. You have to be careful though, as your mind will play tricks on you. Best not to assume or fabricate anything. I know this can be difficult, but just try to focus on you and don't worry about her. But again, I know first hand how hard this can be. Stay strong and do for yourself Yeah, you're right, especially with not fabricating reality. But, I guess I'm just assuming the worse. I appreciate the input, especially reassuring me that my emotions and thoughts are part of the normal process.
Author crimsoncurrent Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 And, I think it's better if she doesn't contact you anyway. Believe me, it just opens up a whole can of worms in your mind and will most definitely set you back, as it did me... But, what if it was my actions that caused the BU? If that case, if ever contacted me (which is highly unlikely), responding would be justified, right?
Devastated77 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I think after 3 months NC, if she does contact you, you can safely respond. But NOT with "omg I am so glad to hear from you, please take me back." Just playing it cool. If the opportunity arose, then yeah you can apologise for your actions. I so hear you on the waiting to hear feeling, though. It is flat out BRUTAL.
Coping Vortex Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Quick stats: 3 1/2 relationship ended, 4 months since the BU, 3 months of complete NC. Even though I know for certain there's no chance of us ever getting back together, I still have this hope that she'll contact me. If my phone vibrates in my pocket, my mind automatically thinks if it's her. When I'm checking my emails in the morning, there's a hope that I'll see an email from her. When I'm in the shower, my phone charging, I wonder if I'm missing a call from her. Am I crazy to think this, especially after so much time has passed without seeing her? Also, because so much time has elapsed, and I think she's relationship dependent, if I was going to put money on it, I bet she's in a full-blown relationship already, and not just dating. I obsess as to who it might be. If the person's better-looking, more dynamic, or even a better lover than me. Can someone else relate to this? I'd appreciate if someone can provide any insight. Thank you. Been there done that. You can bet she is in another relationship.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 But, what if it was my actions that caused the BU? If that case, if ever contacted me (which is highly unlikely), responding would be justified, right? Well, were your actions abuse, cheating or other lies/deceptions? If yes, then shame on you . If no, then you, like me, can't entirely blame yourself for the BU. It takes to make a RS work or not work. Another thing you must do at this point is be kind, very kind, to yourself. If you start beating yourself up and blaming yourself for everything, you will be in bad shape. Funny, I can see this and say it to you, but I can't even follow my own advice And, I would just stay NC. It is the better than setting yourself back or opening up more questions. Best to try to move on...
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Been there done that. You can bet she is in another relationship. Just because this happened to you, doesn't mean it is a rule. Be careful posting things you are unaware/unsure of. He doesn't need this, nor do I... 1
andre84 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 To the OP.... I feel the exact same way so you are not alone. It sucks and I feel your pain. I'm sure it will slowly start getting better over time. Right now I'm working on trying to stop fabricating a new reality/future where we work out. I know that my EX does not sleep around or anything like that, but I already have a feeling she's got someone lined up... it will take some time to let herself date but it will happen. Part of me just hopes that her next RS is not her last so we still have a chance down the line.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 To the OP.... I feel the exact same way so you are not alone. It sucks and I feel your pain. I'm sure it will slowly start getting better over time. Right now I'm working on trying to stop fabricating a new reality/future where we work out. I know that my EX does not sleep around or anything like that, but I already have a feeling she's got someone lined up... it will take some time to let herself date but it will happen. Part of me just hopes that her next RS is not her last so we still have a chance down the line. We all want to have this happen. But, be careful. This sounds a lot like false hope. If she left you once, why would she ever come back? If she was serious about the RS, she wouldn't have left in the first place...
andre84 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 We all want to have this happen. But, be careful. This sounds a lot like false hope. If she left you once, why would she ever come back? If she was serious about the RS, she wouldn't have left in the first place... You are completely right and somewhere in me I know this to be true.
Author crimsoncurrent Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Well, were your actions abuse, cheating or other lies/deceptions? If yes, then shame on you . If no, then you, like me, can't entirely blame yourself for the BU. It takes to make a RS work or not work. Another thing you must do at this point is be kind, very kind, to yourself. If you start beating yourself up and blaming yourself for everything, you will be in bad shape. Funny, I can see this and say it to you, but I can't even follow my own advice And, I would just stay NC. It is the better than setting yourself back or opening up more questions. Best to try to move on... Trust me, I felt very ashamed and was contrite.
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