Eileenopolis Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 (edited) So, I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over two months, and I know he has some form of social anxiety and issues expressing his feelings. He says that he loves me, but doesn't like saying it to me in person because sometimes it feels "awkward or uncomfortable". I've told him that maybe he just doesn't love me (which is completely fine), and that he should wait to say it when he truly feels comfortable saying it. He tries to say that he does actually love me, but that he has difficulty expressing his feelings even for friends and family. It is even difficult for him to say hi to strangers sometimes, so I'm trying to understand how to be more understanding of his condition. As a side note, I also have an anxiety disorder (Panic Attack Disorder), and he has been fully supportive of me. I truly do care for him and love him, regardless of how short we've been together. We both want this relationship to go the distance, so I just want some advice on how to cope with a guy that has difficulty saying his feelings for me, because it can be a little frustrating at times. Edited April 26, 2013 by Eileenopolis
Jowee Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 most of the topics I have been checking out on here I have no way to help but here is one I might actually be able to help with!! I have social anxiety *and panic attacks... in fact I usually have panic attacks in social situations. So I may have some insight here... First of all he probably does love you, if he says he has trouble saying it that is his way of actually saying it. If you need to hear it more often then you should be the one to initiate it, tell him you love him and give a pause and a stare lol... give him a chance to say "I love you too". It is much easier for someone with a social phobia to respond to comments than it is to make the comments in the first place. Also you may need to try to identify if he is an introvert or just shy because those are two very different things and require very different approaches (although you can be both of those things). Someone who is shy, is scared of social contact but that doesn't mean they don't want any... I am shy but I am a complete extrovert, I love being around other people but its hard for me to actually get that social contact because initially it is terrifying for me. An introvert doesn't need social contact *very often* it actually burns them out and they need their alone time to "recharge". If your BF is an introvert you need to learn when to give him space and you need to learn how to "be alone together" (it sounds funny but it is important for introverts, I have friends that are like this). However if your BF is just shy then try taking a more proactive approach to interaction... be the one to initiate things and he will probably reciprocate. If he is shy and introverted both things apply but you need to be careful *when* you initiate contact. Does this help? 2
Author Eileenopolis Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Thanks so much! I'll try to talk to him tonight about it. He knows I'm a little frustrated, and he's trying so hard to say it. I'm his first girlfriend, first kiss, etc. so I feel awful for pushing him to say things. Thank you so much, you've been a tremendous help 1
ja123 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Also, you might suggest he look into some internet forums where people discuss their anxiety issues and offer support. Then he perhaps won't feel like he's the only person on earth who feels that way. I'm sure it's very isolating for him. And probably even harder for a man to discuss.
todreaminblue Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 So, I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over two months, and I know he has some form of social anxiety and issues expressing his feelings. He says that he loves me, but doesn't like saying it to me in person because sometimes it feels "awkward or uncomfortable". I've told him that maybe he just doesn't love me (which is completely fine), and that he should wait to say it when he truly feels comfortable saying it. He tries to say that he does actually love me, but that he has difficulty expressing his feelings even for friends and family. It is even difficult for him to say hi to strangers sometimes, so I'm trying to understand how to be more understanding of his condition. As a side note, I also have an anxiety disorder (Panic Attack Disorder), and he has been fully supportive of me. I truly do care for him and love him, regardless of how short we've been together. We both want this relationship to go the distance, so I just want some advice on how to cope with a guy that has difficulty saying his feelings for me, because it can be a little frustrating at times. time, patience, compassion, take the pressure off, try not to get frustrated and let him show you he loves you........what the poster above said was sublime........good luck....deb
outsidethebox Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 That's the second time in two days I've seen this "social anxiety" mentioned. Never heard it before to even google it.
carhill Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Since your BF apparently has difficulties with intimacy with family and friends, people he knows and trusts, as well as anxiety with strangers, has he ever received professional treatment for the issue? If not, there's no indignity in seeking it. He's defining what our psychologist talked about in MC, where a behavior or personality characteristic bears scrutiny if it interferes with the formation and maintenance of healthy interpersonal relationships. As his team partner, your role is support, love and empathy/sympathy, along with honest sharing of your feelings. You're in this too and your feelings matter. IMO, if he can't resolve this issue within the next year, and you're young and want to progress to a family situation, I'd give serious thought to continuing or not. When was the last time you had a panic attack?
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