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Should I go?

FrustratedGuy91

By FrustratedGuy91
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FrustratedGuy91 Established Member

FrustratedGuy91

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This girl I'm FWB with, we went out Tuesday night. I wasn't sure on where we stood, but after some drinks we end up in the back seat of my truck, we start making out, after a while she tells me she's too drunk to do anything, I ask jokingly if I'm not taking advantage of her, she smiles and says "not at all" we kiss some more and that's it. While driving her home she tells me I'm her friend with benefits, so I guess I could take this as a confirmation? I told her how it had been more friends than benefits lately, mostly because of me being shy. She laughs and we start making plans for another date.

 

She said she wasn't sure if she had to work on Thursday, but if she didn't we could do something. Turns out she does work, but gets out at 3am. And here comes my question. After work she's going with some co-workers (She works at a bar) to another bar to a sort of goodbye party because some of those co-workers are moving to another country. She asked me if I wanted to go.

 

Should I go?

 

I'm thinking of not going, mostly because there will be all people I don't know. Also since she'll be working all weekend, I don't know maybe I can "play it cool". We'll see each other next week and she'll be more eager to see me?

DaSkullCrusher Member

DaSkullCrusher

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Bro. It seems like you're pushing something more than FWB in your own mind. If you are asking these questions, you are growing emotionally attached to her. She is just a friend. Why do you want her to be eager to see you?

Estate Established Member

Estate

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If you are seeing each other then go.

 

If she is just an FWB, then don't go. You don't date FWB's, thats letting her have her cake and each it too... a guy to take her out when she's bored but can drop you at any moment... not the way it works... FWB means you see her to hookup and only that.

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FrustratedGuy91 Established Member

FrustratedGuy91

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Perhaps I had a different understanding of Friend with benefits? We do stuff that friends do, hang out, go to a bar, or watch a movie, stuff like that. And we occasionally hook up.

Estate Established Member

Estate

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Perhaps I had a different understanding of Friend with benefits? We do stuff that friends do, hang out, go to a bar, or watch a movie, stuff like that. And we occasionally hook up.

 

Makes no sense.

If you hang out doing stuff with no sex you are friends.

 

If you do stuff and hook up you are much as well dating.

 

If you are doing BF like things for her but she occasionally lets you make out with her when drunk then she's taking you for a ride.

 

FWB is what it is... you hook up, no strings, you shouldn't be doing BF things for her unless she wants to date you and you want that too...

 

You're being taken for a ride... she gets all the BF attention but only has to hook up with you when she's lonely all the while she's free to sleep with anyone she wants... I wouldnt take it.

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FrustratedGuy91 Established Member

FrustratedGuy91

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Huh... she never struck me as "that" type. Also, I'm like really, really, really, REALLY shy to initiate physical contact. Specially without alcohol, I'm very certain that in most of those times "hanging out" if I had started anything, she would've responded well.

DaSkullCrusher Member

DaSkullCrusher

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If you are seeing each other then go.

 

If she is just an FWB, then don't go. You don't date FWB's, thats letting her have her cake and each it too... a guy to take her out when she's bored but can drop you at any moment... not the way it works... FWB means you see her to hookup and only that.

 

This.

 

You don't give yourself emotionally to FWB. She is trying to keep a tab on you bro.

Estate Established Member

Estate

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Huh... she never struck me as "that" type. Also, I'm like really, really, really, REALLY shy to initiate physical contact. Specially without alcohol, I'm very certain that in most of those times "hanging out" if I had started anything, she would've responded well.

 

Then do you want a friend, a girlfriend or a FWB?

I think it's time to decide, you're being given a ride right now, and not in a good way.

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FrustratedGuy91 Established Member

FrustratedGuy91

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Okay, if it isn't obvious I'm really inexperienced. What should I do? Both in general and in this particular situation I described above.

Estate Established Member

Estate

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My honest advice is make a decision.

 

If you are FWB, then don't see her on her terms when she wants to go out. See her to hook up.

 

If you want more then you need to confront this with her but be prepared to lose her if she does indeed want her cake and eat it. Which is most likely that she friendzoned you while still hooking up but you never know....

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FrustratedGuy91 Established Member

FrustratedGuy91

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Ok, oh and just to be clear on where I stand with her exactly. I met her around 2 years ago, we had sex like a week after meeting (also drunk) then we lost all contact because she got into a relationship. (I tried to stay friends, but I decided it wasn't a good idea and moved on). She contacted me back on January and we kinda started doing what we do now, but I HAVEN'T slept with her yet since that first time.

 

Perhaps I have expressed myself wrong (If you guys didn't notice, English isn't my native language). I see myself at the starting point of being FWB, we were going to meet to do "the deed" tonight, but then she has to work and she invited me to that after work party-kinda-thing, and that's why I am confused as to where I should go or not.

 

If I go, will it be like "let's have a few drinks, stay a bit and then let's get outta' here and do it like rabbits"? Or... well IDK

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FrustratedGuy91 Established Member

FrustratedGuy91

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So?... Still confused. What should I do?

Estate Established Member

Estate

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We told you....

 

You have a few options

 

1. Continue on as you are and go. This girl will use you as a fwb but prepared to be let down when she eventually finds a boyfriend and you feel let down later on.

 

2. Do not go. Only meet her if it involves hooking up. That means no social events or events where you're tagging along with friends or doing boyfriend stuff, especially if you are not hooking up.

 

3. Tell her your true feelings. It doesn't sound like you want to just be friends.

At least that puts it out in the open that you are cool with doing all those things with her but then that means you are dating.... however, if you do this, be prepared to lose her if she does not want a boyfriend.

outsidethebox Established Member

outsidethebox

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where's the friend in all this?

 

Think about her as a person and friend first.

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FrustratedGuy91 Established Member

FrustratedGuy91

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Alright I'll keep all of what you've told me in mind and I won't be going tonight, but for different reasons. Those reasons being that if I go, there's a lot that could cause that we don't end up hooking up. Whereas if I wait, and see her on my own terms I lose nothing.

 

Oh and thank you for the advice.

Edited by FrustratedGuy91
missmiss123 Member

missmiss123

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Know where you stand... maybe talk to her and say you want more.. otherwise remind urself ur nothing more than FWB!

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