mramey92 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 So a bad situation I have found myself in. I was with a girl for almost 4 years. We were first love and first everything. We acknowledge that we love each other. Thing is towards the end we broke apart. We were initially at college that isn't far from home. Well she hated college life and left to live back at home. I went away for army reserve training and during that time we would message and when i was in AIT i would have the time to actually phone her. Throughtout this time we wrote many letters and expressed how we very much missed each other. We have a box that has all our relationship memories. Anyways i come back and go back to school. She stays home and works. I was actually commuting to school but we just fell apart. Fighting and bickering. I ended up going back to living at the school this semester. Well it sucks to say but she met a guy and had a fling. I found out because I know her more than anyone and could tell. Well I wasnt surprised as we are young and she wasn't happy so she did what she wanted to satisfy her emotions. Afterwards she tried everything to get me but i wouldnt have it and in spite I slept with a random chick from a party. I hated it and only thought of my ex. Well i told her and she literally threw up and was devastated. We tried making up but a terrible fight one night broke us apart for about two weeks. She called me up and we met and had sex. We have been continuing to do this. The thing is i love her with all my heart and want things to work out. I want to seriously be with her. But she says she cant right now, and needs to find herself. We try to truly end things but shell randomly text me telling me how bad she feels and we still sleep with each other. The f'd up part is she has feelings for this other guy, who ironically enough has left for army training. He'll be back in june. And when he has been able he as contacted her by phone. She likes him and I know now that she has no intent of not talking to him. I honestly see them ending up together when he gets back. What she likes is the normality of their relationship and simplicity. I try to be like well me and you are done but last i did that (two days ago) she texted me last night wanting me to tell her i didnt hate her and still love her. But yesterday I know she was in contact with him and she is totally different than last night. They will be able to talk to each other now on a daily basis until he gets back. ** Well here I am now confused and mad. Back to the box of memories I mentioned earlier. She kept it and every time I asked for it so I can rid all the young foolishness she says no and treasures that stuff. But how can she when she might want to end up being with this other guy. Last night we planned to have no-strings sex with her, but i thought i would do it for one last time and make me give her the box. She was upset when i asked for it as she thought and got mad, we went to her house and got it. She texted me and just asked why, i told her i couldnt do this anymore and needed to destroy everything in the box. She begged me not to saying it was her life. Well i told her nothing she would say could stop me and she said she always saw us ending up together until then. I thought that was total bs, because she wants this time but how can i give it to her if she is building a relationship with someone else. We havent spoke and I have not destroyed the box. I want to end up with her but all of this kills me. I thought maybe she would realize she might lose me but idk i dont imagine her contacting me again. What do i do? I lover her with all my heart.
ses Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 First, stop sleeping with her. She probably views you as a nice, warm body who gives her all the attention she desires until the true object of her affection returns from basic. You're giving her an ego trip, and she knows she can manipulate your feelings for her. You've given her that power. She doesn't want a relationship with you. I know there's history and emotions involved but you need to let her go and go no-contact. She will do nothing for you but tease you into insanity otherwise. Don't do that to yourself. Find a woman who wants you, respects you, and treats you right. 2
Author mramey92 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 First, stop sleeping with her. She probably views you as a nice, warm body who gives her all the attention she desires until the true object of her affection returns from basic. You're giving her an ego trip, and she knows she can manipulate your feelings for her. You've given her that power. She doesn't want a relationship with you. I know there's history and emotions involved but you need to let her go and go no-contact. She will do nothing for you but tease you into insanity otherwise. Don't do that to yourself. Find a woman who wants you, respects you, and treats you right. Honestly ive thought the same thing. But part of me thinks she truly loves me and wants to end up with me, like why does she value the box so much and our memories? Why does she contact me asking if i still love her and wasnt mad at her? She said all she wantd was time but i felt if i give her that than she'll build a relationship with this other guy. And how could she truly love me if she isnt trying.
mortensorchid Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Yes, you should move on. It's difficult but you have to sever the ties and do just that. Otherwise you will continue in dysfunction.
DreamLost Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Hi mramey92, It looks like your girl doesn't want to let either you or this other dude go. I think you should give her one last chance - just tell her you truly want to be with her but for this to work she should cut ALL ties with the other guy, or else you and the box will be gone forever. DreamLost
Author mramey92 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Hi mramey92, It looks like your girl doesn't want to let either you or this other dude go. I think you should give her one last chance - just tell her you truly want to be with her but for this to work she should cut ALL ties with the other guy, or else you and the box will be gone forever. DreamLost I feel if I do that, than all I am doing is pressuring her and forcing her to choose.
steveT95 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 she is building a relationship with someone else. This. Get out of there. It will hurt you both but the relationship will not recover from this. She is already interested in another guy and will string you along until her and him are more confirmed. She is using you. Don't let her use you. I feel if I do that, than all I am doing is pressuring her and forcing her to choose. Do you want to share her? No. You make the choice, call it off. It will be tough but the sooner you do it the sooner you start healing from this. Throw away the treasure box you don't want that in your life convincing you it is still good, it's not. Then as everyone here will say, go No Contact. Block her number, block her facebook. Everything. Have nothing more to do with her. If she contacts you ignore it. It is the quickest way to heal and any that go against it (including myself) regret it. NC is the way forwards for your life. Good luck.
Sososad Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 It's a tough one! If you make her choose she may very well pick the other guy. But look at the daily torture your going through and she's having the life of Reilly! Give her some space .. Let her keep the box . Let her see its her loss letting you go . Ignore her calls and her petty attempts at contact till your head is clearer doesnt sound to me you really have that much to loose .. I'm not been bad but it's not the relationship of old your letting go that parts already gone... Your just letting go of someone who wants to Just wants no strings sex... Give her some space let her try sort her head !
Author mramey92 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Thanks for all the advise. I went ahead and destroyed the box. 2
Author mramey92 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Thanks for all the advise. I went ahead and destroyed the box.
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