LadyDesiire Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 so i've been "dating" this guy for about a month and a half now.. actually, we never even spoke about what we are. basically, i'd consider us friends.. but we're slightly more than friends. we go out on dates [to the movies, to eat, to parties] and he's really affectionate with me in private and in public [around both his and my friends]. anyway, we kick it pretty hard.. we probably see each other on average about 3 times a week. the thing is, he's usually the one asking what i'm going to be doing and suggest that we kick it.. but then he'll tell me he'll call me at a certain time and he won't. he'll either call me several hours later, or sometimes [rarely] not at all. sometimes i feel like he doesn't really want to hang out because he doesn't call when he says he will.. but then if you don't wanna kick it with me, why the hell would you suggest it?!! he's already told a friend that he's interested in me and he likes me.. but i feel like maybe he doesn't like me like he thinks he does. that's why a lot of times when we're together, i don't touch him or anything.. i just act like we're FRIENDS.. but he's always the one cuddling up to me, kissing me first. my whole point is to not make him think i want to pressure him into something he doesn't want with me [i.e. a relationship] so i'm not gonna be really affectionate towards him first.. so he really doesn't need to be affectionate with me if he doesn't want to be. i dunno if i'm making any sense right now.. but the thing that confuses me is just the fact that he IS affectionate with me, but he's shady with plans.. making me think he doesn't want to spend time with me. what is going thru his head? i don't understand why guys would make you think they like you if they really don't!!!!!!!
MrRX7 Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 the one word that goes through all guy's head....i think you know
Groover Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 Originally posted by LadyDesiire the thing is, he's usually the one asking what i'm going to be doing and suggest that we kick it.. but then he'll tell me he'll call me at a certain time and he won't. he'll either call me several hours later, or sometimes [rarely] not at all. sometimes i feel like he doesn't really want to hang out because he doesn't call when he says he will.. but then if you don't wanna kick it with me, why the hell would you suggest it?!! He's the one that usually initiates contact, right? Maybe he's not calling when he says he will, or later than he says he will, because he's trying to gauge YOUR interest. It could be possible that he wants to see if you're interested enough to call him, instead of him doing most of the calling. Originally posted by LadyDesiire he's already told a friend that he's interested in me and he likes me.. but i feel like maybe he doesn't like me like he thinks he does. that's why a lot of times when we're together, i don't touch him or anything.. i just act like we're FRIENDS.. but he's always the one cuddling up to me, kissing me first. Read over what you wrote - you're acting very casual about all this. Sure, he probably does like you a lot, but if he's got his head screwed on, he's not going to always show affection someone who's acting so casual. He shoudn't be the one to initiate EVERYTHING. If anything, he should be the one posting here stating that it he doesnt' feel as though YOU like him as much as you think you do. my whole point is to not make him think i want to pressure him into something he doesn't want with me [i.e. a relationship] so i'm not gonna be really affectionate towards him first.. so he really doesn't need to be affectionate with me if he doesn't want to be. Why would there be any pressure? Has he said he doesn't want a relationship with you, or are you just assuming that? Just go with the flow. Don't be afraid to show some affection or attention - he's clearly not afraid. When someone acts too casual (i.e. not showing affection or being distant), it can send out all the wrong signals and he might even end up walking if the interest is not reciprocated. You don't want to appear to be a cold fish. No one likes that. i dunno if i'm making any sense right now.. but the thing that confuses me is just the fact that he IS affectionate with me, but he's shady with plans.. making me think he doesn't want to spend time with me. what is going thru his head? i don't understand why guys would make you think they like you if they really don't!!!!!!! Don't be mad with him. I think your post is making perfect sense: you're a bit distant, he's not. He does most of the calling and making plans, you don't. I think he's trying to see how interested you are, because he's definitely showing a lot more interest than you are. Don't play games and don't be afraid to be yourself around him. If you want to kiss him, do it! If you want to ring him and make plans, do it! If anything, your post makes me think that it should be him getting mad. Think about it...can you really blame him for wanting to gauge your interest? Relationships should be a two-way street. From my point of view, it's looking more like a one-way street with him in the driver's seat and if you don't play your cards right (by just being yourself and not giving the wrong impression), he might end up disappearing into the sunset.
Author LadyDesiire Posted September 21, 2004 Author Posted September 21, 2004 umm.. if you're talkin about sex, i don't think that's the problem here..
beautiful Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 Lady........I do not understand something here. Why in the world are you on this board asking those questions instead of talking to HIM! I don't get that. I mean what kind of a relationship do you have with him if you afraid to talk to him about what he thinks and feels about you. Does it not make sense to you? Why do you feel you have to guess what you are with him? Ask him straight up! Whatever answer he gives you, go with that. If he gives you some speech about he is not sure or he doesen't know etc etc, drop him! Do not waste your time and energy on a guy that does not know because believe you me, he knows! Men know from the beginning if you are just someone for now or relationship material. Do not believe anything else. Good Luck!
Author LadyDesiire Posted September 22, 2004 Author Posted September 22, 2004 the reason i haven't talked to him about "us" is because i don't want him to think i want a relationship with him.. because i kind of get the feeling he doesn't. because he just got out of a long-term relationship at the beginning of this year, and i remember when we were talking about something, he mentioned something along the lines of "that was around the time i had that whole thing with my ex.. you know, we were doing the whole boyfriend/girlfriend deal.. " and the way he said that was like he didn't like the idea of "boyfriend/girlfriend". and also, i act "distant" because i don't want to throw myself all over him.. i do call him to see what he's doing, and sometimes when he doesn't call when he says he will, i end up calling him. so i'm sure i'm showing some interest.. and whenever he asks to kick it, i'm always down. basically, i feel like he doesn't want [or isn't ready] for another relationship right now based on the facts and what he's implied when we've talked about relationships in general and our ex's.. but his actions seem to say otherwise.
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