sunshine6 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I'm having a weak day and I really need to just get all this out. I'm sitting at work. He's already gone for the day, which is fine because we don't talk anymore anyways. That empty feeling has surfaced today though. I'm in NC as much as I can be working with him. And I'm glad for that. He's a jerk and it needs to be over. Some of you may remember my post the other day that he keeps looking at me. Well now he keeps going in a pattern of seeking me out to look for me and at me, to not seeming to give a damn. His behavior is just so ODD. He looks at me like he misses me one day, but will talk very formally and professionally when we speak. Today he kept looking at me but then looking away when I caught him. He's NEVER done this! He's always made it very obvious that he was looking for me. WTF WTF. I don't get it. Why won't he just leave. Me. Alone.? I pretty much ignore him when I can. I've already told him to stop looking at me. he seems over me in every other aspect (to the point where his behavior makes me feel it was all a lie) besides the blatant looks in my direction. Sorry to rant. Just feeling weak. Proud of myself for not going and asking him about it though.
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I'm having a weak day and I really need to just get all this out. I'm sitting at work. He's already gone for the day, which is fine because we don't talk anymore anyways. That empty feeling has surfaced today though. I'm in NC as much as I can be working with him. And I'm glad for that. He's a jerk and it needs to be over. Some of you may remember my post the other day that he keeps looking at me. Well now he keeps going in a pattern of seeking me out to look for me and at me, to not seeming to give a damn. His behavior is just so ODD. He looks at me like he misses me one day, but will talk very formally and professionally when we speak. Today he kept looking at me but then looking away when I caught him. He's NEVER done this! He's always made it very obvious that he was looking for me. WTF WTF. I don't get it. Why won't he just leave. Me. Alone.? I pretty much ignore him when I can. I've already told him to stop looking at me. he seems over me in every other aspect (to the point where his behavior makes me feel it was all a lie) besides the blatant looks in my direction. Sorry to rant. Just feeling weak. Proud of myself for not going and asking him about it though. one thing, you aren't ignoring him if you are sneaking looks at him when he's not looking at you. See, in HIS mind, he may think YOU are game playing him. I say, just stop. Turn it off when at work. Stop trying to figure out why is doing this and that. Who cares!! Your A is over. He's an ass.hole, you know this. Yes, be proud of yourself for not speaking and asking him anything! Take it a step further and try to not care as much. stop watching what he does..Don't look his way. Just focus on your work stuff. 3
zevahc Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I'm having a weak day and I really need to just get all this out. I'm sitting at work. He's already gone for the day, which is fine because we don't talk anymore anyways. That empty feeling has surfaced today though. I'm in NC as much as I can be working with him. And I'm glad for that. He's a jerk and it needs to be over. Some of you may remember my post the other day that he keeps looking at me. Well now he keeps going in a pattern of seeking me out to look for me and at me, to not seeming to give a damn. His behavior is just so ODD. He looks at me like he misses me one day, but will talk very formally and professionally when we speak. Today he kept looking at me but then looking away when I caught him. He's NEVER done this! He's always made it very obvious that he was looking for me. WTF WTF. I don't get it. Why won't he just leave. Me. Alone.? I pretty much ignore him when I can. I've already told him to stop looking at me. he seems over me in every other aspect (to the point where his behavior makes me feel it was all a lie) besides the blatant looks in my direction. Sorry to rant. Just feeling weak. Proud of myself for not going and asking him about it though. Sunshine...i hear ya...i'm feeling pretty weak today myself. I'm the OM. We've been in friendship mode with LC for a few months. I actually felt it getting easier, but small triggers make it tough. Little glimmers of hope or relapses in my mind that tell me I'm losing something great. I can still rationalize that it isn't right or at least the way we did things isn't right. I know if it were to happen between us it has to happen another way. But the love I feel is real. I often do feel however that I'm the one that is stuck and she is just eating her cake. She doesn't have a real reason to be in a hurry. She doesn't know how, nor do I think her BS even may realize she is unhappy (so she claims). When I begin to rationalize these thoughts...it does give me some clarity...but at the root of things my heart is still damaged. Tough day here too...sigh....
Athens Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Do not give in-it will set you back to square one and give your power over to a relationship that is not good for you. 1
zevahc Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Do not give in-it will set you back to square one and give your power over to a relationship that is not good for you. I hear ya Athens...doesn't make the immediate moment or day any easier
Lostinlife4now Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I hear ya Athens...doesn't make the immediate moment or day any easier "This too shall pass"! (((zevahc))) You need to get to the "Land of Indifference". It is a good feeling!
zevahc Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 "This too shall pass"! (((zevahc))) You need to get to the "Land of Indifference". It is a good feeling! I have days where I feel like i'm there...but then weirdest things set me back...weather, etc...but i realize it'll pass...i constantly remind myself of that. 1
Athens Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I am a BS and I get that you have weak days, we all have them-days I just want to dig up the past and slam my husband-but you know what-going backwards and giving any time to such a destructive relationship is just a waste- I hope that you stay strong for yourself and that you focus on what you have accomplished for you in your time away from the relationship- for me-yoga has been a godsend-the ability to let go of what drags you down while doing something good for yourself is such a gift- find a gift for yourself and give it freely to yourself- 2
zevahc Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I am a BS and I get that you have weak days, we all have them-days I just want to dig up the past and slam my husband-but you know what-going backwards and giving any time to such a destructive relationship is just a waste- I hope that you stay strong for yourself and that you focus on what you have accomplished for you in your time away from the relationship- for me-yoga has been a godsend-the ability to let go of what drags you down while doing something good for yourself is such a gift- find a gift for yourself and give it freely to yourself- Athens...I sincerely thank you for your comments. I've also been the BS. 10 years ago...and the pain was unreal...which is one of the things that has made me really struggle with how in the world I became the OM. I said NEVER...and actually thought it could never happen to me. And it did. Not justifying or anything...i know it's wrong. But it happened. Feelings are real, emotions are real...but wrong. Nonetheless...i appreciate this community, the openness of conversation, even when it's about calling people out....sometimes that's just necessary. It means it's real...accepting everything in society and accepting actions helps nobody. 1
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