GF of 4 years left me for a long distance relationship

[Lakeshow19]

So my gf of 4 years (living together for 2 1/2 years) moved out and dumped me after I found out she was having a long distance affair with a co worker for the past 2 months(dec/Jan). I had become suspicious of her sideways texting and finally looked at her phone 1 night only to find her texting "i love you" to another man(early Feb). I confront her about it angry at first and then crying as we talked more and more. I tell her she can cut all communication with this man or she needs to leave. She chose to move out the next day but says she wants to give me her whole heart again. Two weeks go by with LC, I speak mostly to hear about her daughter (I'm the only man she knows as a father but didnt come into her life until she was 3) and check in to see hows shes doing now shes living back at her parents. We have the break up speech via phone, and she tells me its not fair for her to keep stringing me along while she is confused.

I tell her ill give her all the time she needs because shes the love of my life and I dont want to loose my family over this. We had never broken up or taken a brake before so this is all new to me. Another 2 wks go by with very LC just for her to pick up some things at the house(we have been living at my moms house for the past yr while she works and I do the stay at home dad thing until I find my career as I recently graduated the past fall and we moved back to our home state but i had recently found some full time work that would get us out of my moms for the time being and be a bridge until I had my career) because I tell her, we will never live at my moms house again no matter what because there is just too much pain here, if we are going to work things out it will be at separate homes until we get our own place.

Next thing i know, she txts me saying she got all her stuff out of our storage and that shes trying to work things out with the other guy! I call her up and we argue because I'm pissed that she isnt giving us a chance and its about our family, not just us. I tell her I need my house keys back and everything then. I txt her the next morning after a long night of drinking(bad idea i know) that she is being super selfish and i this this dude is just using her and that her daughter is going to be on her 3rd dad in 7 yrs. I get no response but wasnt expecting one. Then the next day I go off to work and come home to find the keys to the house and a note saying I have nothing to say to you, goodluck. I go NC for a month.

Her mom txts me and says her granddaughter is doing great and shes getting an award at school. I say thats awesome but I wasnt invited so I wont be attending. It just tore at my heart! So i decided to txt my ex that I heard of the award and Im really proud and I hope your happy, I get no response. So im back on NC again.

I have the deepest feeling that this is a rebound relationship and she will come begging for me back, but I miss having my family together and she hasnt reached out for me to see her daughter and said it will be up to her daughter if she wants to see me. My heart breaks every morning as I raised her daughter as if she was mine from day 1 and we did everything together, she was my little partner in crime.

Any ideas if this is GIGS or a rebound or what? I have no idea what to do besides stay in NC until i get a breadcrumb or something. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

[Lakeshow19]

P.S. the long distance is about 90 mins away and they had met up twice before I found out and said they had kissed and been sexting.

[denxnis]

Imagine you had a brother who was going through what you are now.

 

Your "brother" was with a woman who was already caring for a child she conceived with another man.

 

You caught your "brother's" girlfriend cheating on him.

 

What advice would you give your hypothetical brother?

 

 

When things like this happen we tend to shut-off the logical part of our brain. Sorry to say this about your former girlfriend but she has screw-up written all over her. Take this time to work on yourself and upgrade to a woman who has self-respect and doesn't sleep with every half decent guy that comes along.

Edited April 25, 2013 by denxnis

[Lakeshow19]

Your right, its just crazy to me because I've known her since the 7th grade and she quit her job and moved to be with me and this is how we are going to end things? It just seems crazy to me, like unbelievable.

I am focusing on myself everyday, I've started to run and lift weights again. I'm down 20 lbs since this all happened. So I'm doing physically well, but my head is still all jacked up with thoughts of her talking to another man after yrs of her telling me she wants to marry me and having my babies and all that stuff. I just don't understand how someone can pull a 180 like this...

[OwlSoul]

I personally think it's just the matter of time when she will be dumped by the new guy. When someone leaves the relationship for someone else, does so many sacrificaes and etc. it just puts the person on the lower level. I learnt this on my own experience.

 

For instance, Anna Karenina. She left everything, her status, husband and etc. She was not that attractive for Alexei anymore because of this.

 

I just don't understand how someone can pull a 180 like this...

It is natural though. I mean, the nature made us this way, that we're always in search for better partners.

[Lakeshow19]

How can someone be a better partner 100 miles away? and especially considering took care of her daughter and raised her as my own? Her daughter was calling my mom grandma and she'd call me papa.. I always got her a new iphone every yr and bought all her clothes and shoes whenever she would want them. I treated her better than I treated myself and always put or family first. And she has no friends to talk to because she cant tell co workers about this guy because she will get disciplined for dating a co worker and she cant go to her girl friends from high school because they are more of my friends than hers. I told her parents that she was cheating on me with this guy, so I really feel like she has no idea what she has got herself into. I know I shouldnt care with the way she treated me but I do..

[denxnis]

So I'm doing physically well, but my head is still all jacked up with thoughts of her talking to another man after yrs of her telling me she wants to marry me and having my babies and all that stuff. I just don't understand how someone can pull a 180 like this...

 

You and me both.

 

After a bit of "research" following my break-up I came to the conclusion that woman like your ex and mine don't have much excitement in their lives so they jump from relationship-to-relationship in-order to keep things "interesting". Thus, woman with little ambition, i.e. not much going on for them, will seek attention from others.

 

Keep working on yourself and things can only get better for you, I can attest to that.

[OwlSoul]

How can someone be a better partner 100 miles away?

It's how the modern world is atm. There are thouthands of relationships between the people who live in different countries or even continents. I know a couple who's been together for 7 years (he's from south America, she's from Canada), I know a couple of 3 years (she's from Canada, he's from the UK), I know a wife of 2-year old kid which cheated on her husband for a guy from another country, I know my own example, when we would be separated for few months by the distance of 6000 kms. So welp, distance is not a big deal when our body says 'I want'.

 

and especially considering took care of her daughter and raised her as my own?

I know how it feels when you give your everything to the person, do so much. But I also learnt we cannot 'buy' the person by how we treat the him/her. Eventually, for every break-up on LS, it was never important for the dumpers how good they were treated when they decided to break-up. Ofc. I do not mean you should treat the person badly, just the way how'd you treat a familly member or a friend would be fairly enough.

 

People love us for who we are, not for the way how well we treat them.

[xpaperxcutx]

She's going to come back to you when that relationship fails and she will use her own daughter to tug at your heart. By the time, you may need to be strong, because the likelihood would be you jumping back into a relationship with her.

 

My ex had a good friend who has known a married woman for most of his adult life. In the beginning, he hadn't known she was married, and they began an affair behind the husband's back. Later on when the MW divorced her husband, she got into a relationship with the friend, and even went as far as having her children call him dad. She was a manipulative woman, and there were alot of times that the guy found on him with other men. But he's stuck with her because of the kids.

 

It's a really ****ty ass position because you realize there are women who can use a man and put their children into the middle of things.

 

I understand you love the child as your own, but under no circumstances should you ever get back with her mother because even if you do decide to have a family with her, she will most likely cheat on you again.

 

Women like her are only after their own needs and wants. They know you have feelings for them and that's why they don't mind cheating or running off with another man, knowing you'll still be there when they come back.

[Lakeshow19]

Thx for the feedback guys. Im going to try to stay strong and just not expect to hear from her again. It really sucks that she only moved 8 blocks away so I have to adjust my routes to the store because I dont want to drive by her house and I dont go by her daughters school during the time she goes in and goes out. It is a real bad situation, but i guess what doesnt kill us will only make us stronger.

 

I do have all of our pictures that we had taken over the years on my hard drive and part of me wants to give her a copy because it could remind her of the good memories and for her to have all the pictures of her daughter growing up, but i also dont feel like she deserves me going out of my way to continue to be a doormat for her to walk on me. Its like she hasnt had to pay any consequences for her actions besides moving out over a couple of days and having to now share a bed with her daughter instead of me.

 

I do know that she cant afford to move out on her own though, so she has to bank on making this other relationship work, or else shes stuck at her parents place.