Simple2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 The 16th of march I left to Malaysia because my girlfriend lives there, I stayed there for 2 weeks then I bring her back to my home (Sweden). During this time I skipped two exams from my university on purpose because I wanted to "fetch" my girlfriend. I'm having the retakes now, one of hem today and another one tomorrow. It's very stressful studying for them and today for example I woke up at 7 am, had the exam from 8 am to 1pm. I sat there for 5 hours straight doing Maths only to come home and do laundry and study for tomorrow's exam and also cook food for us both. I don't mind these chores, I don't. But the stress frustrates me and I tend to get in a bad mood and because of that it upsets t girlfriend which is understandable but we end up arguing badass cause of it. I really feel like crying but I cannot. I need to stay strong, I can't cry. I couldn't cry even if I wanted to but I can feel the invisible tears having a skyfall from my eyes. It's not the argument itself that kills me, it's the way we argue. I want to just be able to talk things out instead of having a yelling argument++. I know I do wrong by being frustrated and taking it out in her, I am tryin hard to prevent it and I try to apologize and let her know how much I don't mean it .. She just won't understand :'( What can I do to improve my situation? Please anyone, help me, give me advice, how can I deal with things better? I need help. I can't take all of these emotions inside of me anymore. I'm dying inside.
Buttercup84 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Maybe she could help ? Doea she work ? Ask hee to help by cooking meals once in a while.
Els Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 How did you both get to know each other? Hopefully there was a significantly long relationship before you just... went and brought her to Sweden? What is your girlfriend doing now? I presume she would not have the rights to work in Sweden just yet. Why can't she help out with the chores? Or do you both not live together?
Author Simple2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 She does wash the dishes and after I washed the clothes she did "unpack" them. So she does try to help but because Sweden is not her country she doesn't know how things work around her and I don't expect her to either. My only wish is for her to be more understanding, that's all. I know it's difficult though. You're correct, English is my second language but do keep in mind I typed everything through my phone so there may be typos. We known each other for three years already so we're not new to one another. Before I brought her to Sweden I been to her country few times for longer periods. Before she came here she just finished her advance diploma and now she's having a break from studies and work. She does not have a PR nor working visa in Sweden yet. It's a really difficult position we're in. I appreciate your relies, all of them, including the post regarding my English.
Els Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Ah, I see. What is she staying there on, then, a visitor's visa? How are you intending to make her stay permanent with that, since those are very short? In a way, I can understand her feelings. She left home for a strange country to be with someone who is often in a bad mood when he is at home, and she has nothing to distract her from that - no friends, no job, no knowledge of the place. On the other hand, a move is tough on both people, including you, as you now have to deal with the stress of your studies + taking care of her. What does she say when you sit down with her and talk to her calmly about how both of you can learn to communicate your disagreements better without yelling? How old is she? How old are you?
outsidethebox Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 OP, your English is fine. Hope you get an answer that helps. 1
CuriousKitty7777777 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 OP, your English is fine. Hope you get an answer that helps. Yes, your English is very fine.. Keep your head up and try to stay positive.
Treasa Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I think stoves and things like that are pretty universal. Why did you purposely skip two exams to go get her and bring her back, only to be unhappy? Shouldn't school exams come first, and then she can come to you? Why did you have to go get her at that particular time? Why did you have to "fetch" her? Couldn't she have come to you? Send her back to Malaysia - alone - and focus on your school work and your own life for a while.
Author Simple2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 I wanted to fetch her at that particular time becsuse I wanted to attend her graduation. thats why I even skipped my exams. Now today we had a bad argument and I might not see her again. I am not going to say what happened because I feel its wrong but I wasn't very njce but then I feel like I have to do something because she can't continue treating me this way. I'm not the best guy out there but I don't want to be treated this way. I cannot cope with it.
MidwestUSA Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 We know nothing about "how you are being treated" so can't offer much help. It was a mistake to postpone your exams. Now that she's there, my guess is she is wanting more of your time than you can afford to give. Is that right?
ja123 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) You're English is really good! So, no worries. Rather than thinking now about whether you made the right choice, or chose the best timing. Here is what you might look into to improve your situation. Firstly, identify your needs and values, and she hers. Then communicate them to the other, and each make some effort to meet the needs of the other. Google: "how to identify your needs", "how to identify your values", "how to communicate in a relationship". Each of you needs to be committed to being proactive and finding solutions together. Make her a part of the team in finding solutions. Someone from here once suggested this website, and I saved it in my favourites because I thought it was quite good: The Most Important Emotional Needs I hope it helps. In addition, you might want to look into "how to manage stress" for yourself. Good luck. Edited May 2, 2013 by ja123
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