Inflikted Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Some of you may remember my stories over the last few months. Basically, there's this girl that I work at the same store with. Last summer, we started talking and getting to know each other, and we developed a very fun dynamic. To be honest, I considered her as much of a "perfect match" for myself in terms of personality that I could've ever hoped for. I've never had that kind of dynamic with a girl before, and I really loved it. Then I asked her out, and she turned me down. Over the fall and winter, she started pulling away from me a bit. This upset me, because I still wanted to be able to talk to her and joke around with her the way we used to. I started trying to spend more time with her at work and get her to talk to me and have fun like we used to, but it just wasn't the same. Eventually, this prompted her to start a discussion with me, saying that she felt like things had gotten really weird between us, and that she didn't want that. I apologized for everything, and told her that I wanted to be friends, but she very politely told me that she didn't want to be friends. This bummed me out super hard. Coolest girl I ever met, and I get to have a small taste of having her in my life for a little while, then I just push her away. Honestly, deep down, I still have feelings for her, because I've just never met anyone quite like her, and that's what I've been looking for. But I know things are never going to change. Every time I'm around her at work, I have a hard time with it on the inside. It really pains me to be around her and have these thoughts and feelings, but not be able to even be friends with her. Ever since she had that conversation with me, I've been trying to just stay away from her and not talk to her as much as possible, which wasn't an issue, because it felt like she was doing the same to me, anyway. Recently, though, she's kinda started trying to chat with me, talk to me, and joke around with me again, and it's kind of bothering me. Every time she tries to start a conversation with me, I try to give short flat answers that doesn't leave anything open for discussion (for example, if she says "What have you been up to lately?", I'll just say "Nothing much", and leave it at that). Sometimes that works, but other times she'll persist with trying to talk and joke around. I'm not trying to be mean or rude to her, just for clarification. The thing is, I WOULD like to talk to her and joke around with her the way we used to, but I know that if I let myself fall back into that, I'll fall for her all over again and that would be bad for me. So that's why I don't want to really talk or joke around with her, because I just can't allow myself to do that again. But I don't know how much more clear I can be to her without just straight up being a jerk, and I don't want to do that, either. She's a smart girl, and she's always been spot-on with "reading" me, in the past, so I don't know why she's kinda coming back around to me lately.
imtooconfused Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 She's a smart girl, and she's always been spot-on with "reading" me, in the past, so I don't know why she's kinda coming back around to me lately. You're right. She's not taking the hint despite the fact that she "gave you the hint" (i.e. the brush off) initially. Maybe she is rethinking what you said about "just friends," and would like to keep you as a friend after all. But from the way you describe your feelings ("I'll fall for her all over again"), you have feelings for her that go beyond being just friends. If that is the case, this person will always confuse you with her actions, being overly friendly and giving you the impression that she means more. This will lead to much more frustration in the future. I have been where you are. My suggestion is to keep doing what you have been doing and give her the cold shoulder. Professional but curt.
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Some of you may remember my stories over the last few months. Basically, there's this girl that I work at the same store with. Last summer, we started talking and getting to know each other, and we developed a very fun dynamic. To be honest, I considered her as much of a "perfect match" for myself in terms of personality that I could've ever hoped for. I've never had that kind of dynamic with a girl before, and I really loved it. Then I asked her out, and she turned me down. Over the fall and winter, she started pulling away from me a bit. This upset me, because I still wanted to be able to talk to her and joke around with her the way we used to. I started trying to spend more time with her at work and get her to talk to me and have fun like we used to, but it just wasn't the same. Eventually, this prompted her to start a discussion with me, saying that she felt like things had gotten really weird between us, and that she didn't want that. I apologized for everything, and told her that I wanted to be friends, but she very politely told me that she didn't want to be friends. This bummed me out super hard. Coolest girl I ever met, and I get to have a small taste of having her in my life for a little while, then I just push her away. Honestly, deep down, I still have feelings for her, because I've just never met anyone quite like her, and that's what I've been looking for. But I know things are never going to change. Every time I'm around her at work, I have a hard time with it on the inside. It really pains me to be around her and have these thoughts and feelings, but not be able to even be friends with her. Ever since she had that conversation with me, I've been trying to just stay away from her and not talk to her as much as possible, which wasn't an issue, because it felt like she was doing the same to me, anyway. Recently, though, she's kinda started trying to chat with me, talk to me, and joke around with me again, and it's kind of bothering me. Every time she tries to start a conversation with me, I try to give short flat answers that doesn't leave anything open for discussion (for example, if she says "What have you been up to lately?", I'll just say "Nothing much", and leave it at that). Sometimes that works, but other times she'll persist with trying to talk and joke around. I'm not trying to be mean or rude to her, just for clarification. The thing is, I WOULD like to talk to her and joke around with her the way we used to, but I know that if I let myself fall back into that, I'll fall for her all over again and that would be bad for me. So that's why I don't want to really talk or joke around with her, because I just can't allow myself to do that again. But I don't know how much more clear I can be to her without just straight up being a jerk, and I don't want to do that, either. She's a smart girl, and she's always been spot-on with "reading" me, in the past, so I don't know why she's kinda coming back around to me lately. i am in a similar position told this guy i liked him last year eh rejected me politely and respectfully........which i respect and appreciated.....bummed me out though......i am not good with rejection .....anyway i think i weird him out.....i try to joke around but i am pretty random...so i decided to get out there and date others...i still have this flame for him.....but it is never going to happen........i compare others i talk to, to him all the time.....some cut it most dont........but i am putting myself out there...to make new friends...cant help texting him occasionally and eventually he just doesnt answer me which is a bit upsetting........as i said cant help myself he impacted on my life i have no idea why.....i am hoping that meeting others i might find a guy who actually does like me.......and appreciates me..and ill move on and that flame will just die hasnt yet......in my opinion maybe you should get out there too ...being friends with someone you are attracted to and not knowing how to deal with it.....is freaking hard.......sometimes it is better to distance yourself ...or....make a fool of yourself like i commonly do.........deb
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 If she can read you well, then she KNOWS that you actually DO want to talk to her like you used to, as you already said.
Author Inflikted Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 If she can read you well, then she KNOWS that you actually DO want to talk to her like you used to, as you already said. Maybe, but I explicitly told her that back when we had that last conversation a while back, so it's not like she's just figuring that out now. I dunno. I've been waiting for either her or me to find a better job and leave, so we don't have to see each other anymore. Just the fact that she's still present in my life at all makes it difficult to kill off my feelings for her. Every time she and I work a shift together, she's pretty much all I can think about. Well, that and forcing myself to look as indifferent and uncaring as I can when she's around. It's so hard, and it just wears me down for the day. But, neither of us are having much luck on the job front, so I'm kinda stuck with her.
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 You were into her, the feelings weren't returned, and then you told her you wanted to be friends. Why would she have any reason to think you feel differently (when you DON'T!)? You want her to get a hint that isn't actually true. You want her to get an act you're putting on. And yet, you say she reads you well. In short, she's not buying your act. Maybe she wants to be chummy now.
Author Inflikted Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 Is it really an "act", per se, though? I would say it's more like, consciously, I want to just accept that she and I are nothing, not friends, or anything else, and separate myself from her completely; but subconsciously, I still like her a lot and want that connection we had back. So, it's like my conscious mind and subconscious mind are at odds with each other; does that make sense?
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Is it really an "act", per se, though? I would say it's more like, consciously, I want to just accept that she and I are nothing, not friends, or anything else, and separate myself from her completely; but subconsciously, I still like her a lot and want that connection we had back. So, it's like my conscious mind and subconscious mind are at odds with each other; does that make sense? You're AWARE and CONSCIOUS of the fact that you still like her a lot and want that connection back. There's nothing SUBconscious about it at all.
Author Inflikted Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 *shrug* If you say so. I just wish I could stop thinking or feeling anything for this girl. I know if I try to just be "chummy" with her again that I'd fall for her all over again, and she wouldn't want that. Besides, she's dating another coworker (well, former coworker, now), and I just don't think I can be okay being "friends" with her knowing that she's with this other guy. But yeah, deep down, I don't want to let her go, because I've never met a girl like her, and I question whether I ever will again. To me, finding her was like a once in a lifetime opportunity, and "letting go" means casting myself back out into the unknown, having to hope against hope that *maybe* I'll eventually meet a girl I connect with as well as I did with this girl, probably years from now at bare minimum.
soccerrprp Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 *shrug* If you say so. I just wish I could stop thinking or feeling anything for this girl. I know if I try to just be "chummy" with her again that I'd fall for her all over again, and she wouldn't want that. Besides, she's dating another coworker (well, former coworker, now), and I just don't think I can be okay being "friends" with her knowing that she's with this other guy. But yeah, deep down, I don't want to let her go, because I've never met a girl like her, and I question whether I ever will again. To me, finding her was like a once in a lifetime opportunity, and "letting go" means casting myself back out into the unknown, having to hope against hope that *maybe* I'll eventually meet a girl I connect with as well as I did with this girl, probably years from now at bare minimum. Ugh. That's tough. Just keep it professional and don't do anything that will jeopardize your work situation. Keep looking for something else (work and lady) and move on. Good luck.
Ahidgick Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Влюбилась - прими валерьянки, купи новые туфли и все как рукой снимет )))))) -- Фолов ми ;-)
JenFree2013 Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 You should give yourself a break on this... as the saying goes... there's a lot of fish in the sea... this one is not for you... you need to accept this
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