Dinner with the ex tonight.

[cavalier99]

This thread is getting.testy!

 

Woo hoo loving it!.

 

Going to cook some popcorn now.

 

When Mcgriff come back G*d know what will happen.

 

Ill just post randon stuff to throw gas on the flames. Lol Cav

[McGriff]

UPDATE.

 

Well we ended up NOT going to dinner, because she was cramping from "women's issues" if you know what I mean. She recently had minor surgery and without getting too personal, lets just say she was menstruating for the first time in a few years. So anyway, I rented a movie and went over there, and brought some sushi and a couple hours later, she was sleeping so I put her to bed and left. So, it was not really "productive" in that when she initially invited me she wanted to "talk"---and we didnt talk about the relationship last night as she wasn't feeling well. Obviously we haven't rescheduled anything, and I will continue to not initiate anything. But I will be unavailable to her this weekend, because I have plans with my new girl. Dinner and drinks tonight (Friday), and then some festival she wants to go to Saturday. So the wheels on the bus go round and round.

 

So I read the comments and felt the overwhelming negativity coming through except for Cav and Pisces, who seem to get what I'm saying and going through.

 

I am fine with others opinions and judgements, doesn't bother me one bit. And actually thank you all for sharing them. BUT....

 

Am4real, dude your comment was completely out of line. There's a difference between criticism, giving advice, judging ME, etc and INSULTING me and any body else in my world. i thought that was a pointed attempt at such. You can say whatever you want on these boards about me, but I thought you crossed the line, and all I will say is, that was unnecessary and leave it at that.

 

Have a great Friday everyone! I know mornings are tough for alot of you. Keep your heads up and keep moving forward.

[HuffmanMontana]

Yes McGriff... Cav and Pisces are the only ones who have ever gone through a breakup and therefore get you

 

I think it's your attitude towards the new girl that bothers people. You're being very selfish and unfair to her which ironically, is exactly why your here in the first place right? Your ex broke your heart?

 

Anyway. Sounds like your ex got what she wanted whether or not you are "indifferent" and have "no expectations". McGriff came to the rescue in her time of need.

[cavalier99]

I just want to be on the winning team! Ill switch sides if McGriff starts to lose it! Cav

[McGriff]

Huffman,

 

I understand what you're saying.

 

1) I'm not saying that you all haven't been through heartache/breakups, I'm saying that Cav and Pisces understand MY mindframe and decisions I'm making for my situation. If you don't like it, I respect that. I'm doing what I feel like I need to do.

 

2) the new girl. As I've said, she's knows the situation. I don't know what else I can tell you. She's pursuing me despite. I can't control when I happen to meet someone. I decided a few weeks back that I was gonna get out of the house and live life. I'm tired of sitting around feeling sorry for myself while my ex was actively dating. This new person is very nice, and I'm not closing myself off to anyone. I will be upfront, and if she chooses to want to spend time with me regardless, then lets do it. I'm not in a relationship, I'm not cheating on anyone. I'm moving on. Hell, as far as I know, this new girl could have her own baggage that I know nothing about at this point. Again, I understand that you wouldn't do what im doing---that's your right. But again, I'm gonna do everything I can to pick up the pieces and get out of this funk I've been in, and try to enjoy it as much as possible. I deserve it.

[TheFriend]

Hey mcgriff,

 

I know EXACTALLY what you are talking about in regards to dating other women. I have been completely up front with them and one of them still actively presues me even though she knows I'm not mentally there. I would LOVE to be able to give it my all to this new girl but i am just not able too yet. There is this effing block in my mind even though the thought of my ex now makes me sick and pissed off.

 

This experience for you may be all of what you need to move on from here, maybe you will start to see that the new girl has more and or deserves what you have to offer more:)

 

Anyways I was a dummy and had to learn the hard way but i am glad that I did. There is no "what if" left in my head about the ex....

 

Now I just need my heart to cooperate:)

[Chi townD]

 

 

2) the new girl. As I've said, she's knows the situation. I don't know what else I can tell you. She's pursuing me despite.

 

 

Yeah, but does the new girl know that you spent a quite evening in with your Ex at her place last night? I have my doubts on that.

 

Look, It's great that you're moving on with your life. But, the problem I'm having is that I would hate for an innocent girl get hurt because you think that it's okay to string her along (AND YOU ARE) under the guise that you think it's okay because she knows the "situation". Yeah, she might know the situation, but I'm start to think that she doesn't know the full story.

 

If your Ex tells you that she wants you back, I have a feeling that you'll throw the new girl under the bus, and I don't care how much of the "situation" she's aware of, she's getting invested in you. So, to have you toss her to the side (if it comes to that) is GOING to hurt to some degree. Just think of how you felt when your Ex tossed you aside.

[fancy feast]

How many times have you been out with the new girl? Have you had any talks about being exclusive? Not trying to judge here, just don't want to see you lose a good thing.

[McGriff]

Chitown---of course I'm not sharing the particulars of exactly what I'm doing when I'm not with her. Remember, we've been on TWO dates. I mean I met her two weeks ago today. So it's not serious at this point.

[mutant]

Chitown---of course I'm not sharing the particulars of exactly what I'm doing when I'm not with her. Remember, we've been on TWO dates. I mean I met her two weeks ago today. So it's not serious at this point.

 

What are your plans for this other option you've got in your back pocket Sir?

[cavalier99]

Chitown---of course I'm not sharing the particulars of exactly what I'm doing when I'm not with her. Remember, we've been on TWO dates. I mean I met her two weeks ago today. So it's not serious at this point.

 

See this was my whole point. That is why i dont understand the backlash about the new girl. It seemed obvious to me it is at a very early non exclusive stage.

 

Mcgriff isnt f*cking anyone over and doesnt deserve to get slammed so hard.

 

If he wants to see ex and suffer more it is his right! Cav

[McGriff]

Cav---thank you!!!

 

Enthrone darkness---I know that you're right. See, like everyone else, I don't like pain (well I guess some people do). I f*cking hate going through this bullsh*t. So yeah, I have assuaged her in the last week or so, but I'm slowly getting stronger. Don't think I don't know what she's doing. I do. I'm stuck in that paradigm where I love this girl very deeply, but I also have become aware that she is not good for me anymore. But I'm not a d*ck, so it's impossible for me to tell her to f*ck off. But everyday I'm better off than the day before. I'm spending the weekend with the new girl, and I'm gonna enjoy it to the fullest! I just refuse to sit in my house and mope. I spent like 6 weekends sitting around feeling sorry for myself and I'm just like enough is enough. I have a cruise to Mexico booked in two weeks, so I'm doing everything I can to move forward.

[Chi townD]

Okay, I reviewed some of your older threads and I just want to point a few things out to you that maybe you're over looking and, perhaps make some comparsions.

 

Your Ex-

 

Broke up with you out of the blue. You thought it was to go back to her Ex.

 

Wasn't her Ex but someone else completely. Tells you she really likes him and they have soooo much fun together.

 

Asks you questions on her birth control methods.

 

Informs you that she's taking the new man to New Orleans in a couple of weeks and taking him to the concert that YOU were supposed to go to. I'm sure they stayed or were going to stay in seperate rooms.

 

Breadcrumbs you to death trying to get you in the friend zone. Even trying to guilt you by saying that her kid told her that he/she wanted to see your kid and your dog.

 

Tells you that YOU are not the one for her.

 

You informed her that she's either in or out. You can be playing the friends BS game. She tells you to do what you gotta do, because nothing is changing.

 

She gets cheated on by her new man. (which I'm not sure I entirely believe)

 

Now, you get the I love you's and I miss you texts. Funny how things change....

 

 

New Girl-

 

Cute Blonde girl notices you and send one of her friends over to you to inform you that she thinks your cute and to save her from the nit wit that was hitting on her.

 

You save her and you end up closing the place up just by talking and getting to know her. You share a nice kiss.

 

You're honest with her and tell her about your situation. When most women would bolt from a guy with way too much baggage. She see's something in this broken man that's worth sticking around for.

 

The above statement shows me that she's a strong and independant woman that can think for herself. That she WANTS to be with a man and not NEED to be with a man.

 

You have a date with her and you go to dinner and have some sushi. Your own words state that you had an incredible time and the evening ends with a long kiss.

 

Informed us that the rest of the evening you were on cloud nine and haven't felt this good in a long time. (nice when a woman makes you feel special)

 

Second date all we got was "Twas a good night! ;)" I can only speculate what the winky face is about but, I'm guessing that is was a VERY good night!

 

You did state that the date was VERY fun and "Bond got his grove back" and that you haven't woken up feeling that great in weeks.

 

 

 

NOW! if it were me and I was comparing the two. Well, I know where my bread is buttered!!

[Am4Real]

Good for you for coming clean and not pretending that she (EX) doesn't matter and you're not caring.

 

McGriff, we all (the long term posters) could see right through it.

 

Sorry you think we (me) are judging you, out of line and more, but we're not here to hurt you or cause you any more grief. Sometimes it's better to give a good person a little slap to snap them out of it.

 

Look, it's okay to be down, many of us are. And facing the realities of toughing it out is not the easiest.

 

Side note: Be careful with the new girl, she might be more into you than you're letting on and we don't need any more distraught posters here on LS when she "eventually" joins.

 

Hang in there.

 

 

Cav---thank you!!!

 

Enthrone darkness---I know that you're right. See, like everyone else, I don't like pain (well I guess some people do). I f*cking hate going through this bullsh*t. So yeah, I have assuaged her in the last week or so, but I'm slowly getting stronger. Don't think I don't know what she's doing. I do. I'm stuck in that paradigm where I love this girl very deeply, but I also have become aware that she is not good for me anymore. But I'm not a d*ck, so it's impossible for me to tell her to f*ck off. But everyday I'm better off than the day before. I'm spending the weekend with the new girl, and I'm gonna enjoy it to the fullest! I just refuse to sit in my house and mope. I spent like 6 weekends sitting around feeling sorry for myself and I'm just like enough is enough. I have a cruise to Mexico booked in two weeks, so I'm doing everything I can to move forward.

[McGriff]

Chitown---great summation! That's it in a nutshell. By the way, the ex is NOT going to New Orleans with the guy anymore (maybe that will change, I don't know). Reading your summation is kinda cathartic for me, because I'm sure, to an objective outsider, it's all very obvious and clear. I DON'T KNOW WHY IM STUCK ON MY EX. She does JUST ENOUGH to keep me around, to fertilize "hope" if you will. I am in alot better place mentally and emotionally than I was a few weeks ago. The new girl I'm sure plays a large role in this, as well as the ex's zig zaggy, wishy washy behavior. I like this new girl, we have fun, and I hope she sticks around, while I work out my emotions to the point I can start to develop feelings. I know the "you're using her" posts will come, and I admit, I am being somewhat selfish, but hey man, I'm just trying to live, crawl out of this hole I've been in. I consider myself lucky. Thanks for laying it all out there, I'm sure I'll reread your post a few hundred times to let things sink in even deeper.

[cavalier99]

Chitown---great summation! That's it in a nutshell. By the way, the ex is NOT going to New Orleans with the guy anymore (maybe that will change, I don't know). Reading your summation is kinda cathartic for me, because I'm sure, to an objective outsider, it's all very obvious and clear. I DON'T KNOW WHY IM STUCK ON MY EX. She does JUST ENOUGH to keep me around, to fertilize "hope" if you will. I am in alot better place mentally and emotionally than I was a few weeks ago. The new girl I'm sure plays a large role in this, as well as the ex's zig zaggy, wishy washy behavior. I like this new girl, we have fun, and I hope she sticks around, while I work out my emotions to the point I can start to develop feelings. I know the "you're using her" posts will come, and I admit, I am being somewhat selfish, but hey man, I'm just trying to live, crawl out of this hole I've been in. I consider myself lucky. Thanks for laying it all out there, I'm sure I'll reread your post a few hundred times to let things sink in even deeper.

 

All jest aside. You probably should just go hard core NC with the EX and disappear. RockOn! Cav

[Am4Real]

Wow, two of you have swung over now. Progress!

 

Have a nice weekend everyone.

 

 

All jest aside. You probably should just go hard core NC with the EX and disappear. RockOn! Cav

[Simon Phoenix]

Seems like this thread is moving in a good direction. McGriff, good luck man. No need to put on a cocky front for us. Your situation is a tough one and you'll get better advice and support by being real. If I were you I'd cultivate things with this new girl a bit and put the ex on the backburner. Give that new thing a fair try.

[Pisces13]

See this was my whole point. That is why i dont understand the backlash about the new girl. It seemed obvious to me it is at a very early non exclusive stage.

 

Mcgriff isnt f*cking anyone over and doesnt deserve to get slammed so hard.

 

If he wants to see ex and suffer more it is his right! Cav

 

I agree, give the guy a break!

 

You're doing the right thing McGriff. You don't owe this new girl anything yet, and she doesn't need to know about what else you're doing in your personal life. If things started to get serious between you and the new girl, well of course it would be expected that you would back off from the ex, but at this stage in the game, you don't need to worry about that.

 

You've told the new girl what is up, you don't need to be telling her the particulars. You're doing good!

[McGriff]

Pisces---thanks for the supportive words. I can tell you know exactly where I am in things. I look at it like this: I'm a single guy just living my life. I don't have a girlfriend---I have an unbridled ex and girl whose interested and in the early stages of getting to know one another. I owe nothing to either woman but honesty, and they each know of each other (not the particulars, but as far as I'm concerned, it's none of their business at this point---but that may change, and if it does, I'll adjust accordingly). Have a great weekend everybody, and thanks for all the advice and opinions. I really do appreciate all of them.

[Ms. Lady]

If I were you I would not waiste my time. To be quite blunt she is full of ****. She only wants you to spend time with her because she needs attention. She's only using you, because she knows you're available and you'll give her the attention she needs. Plus she trusts you, she trusts that you won't hurt her or make her feel bad. Don't waiste your time just let her go altogether. My motto is your "Ex" is your "Ex" for a reason it's time to move on to the "Next".

[McGriff]

Ms lady---thank you and I know you're right on point...I'm headed in that direction, I promise.

 

On a side note---this is the first weekend in a longtime that I haven't felt that "dread" feeling. That's a good thing.

[xpaperxcutx]

In a subconscious way, I do believe you are trying to show the ex you are moving on. You said yourself you're not trying to be a d*ck to her, but you shouldn't be spending time alone with her at her place either. Granted, you surely don't owe the new girl anything, but if you are a man of integrity you wouldn't want to fall in the trip of sleeping with the ex.

 

I see where the other posts are coming from- they're telling you not to place too emphasis on the ex because no matter how you wish to put it, you are still attached to her, if not emotionally, still being in her life and having her in yours can hinder you from moving on. I say this because despite the elated feeling of letting the ex know she's not on a pedestal, you're doing yourself a disservice by still caring about this. This is the same girl who moved on to another man the minute she dumped. Such actions cannot be overlooked and neither should it be forgotten.

 

Moreover from what I read, the new girl does sound like an upgrade compared to the ex. If you had to spend time and effort on anyone, it's better to be with someone who hasn't wronged you and probably doesn't have as much baggage as the ex.

[ThatJustHappened]

I've always been on your side McGriff..I just object to you saying that you have other options in your back pocket. I think it's rude and inappropriate to describe the new girl that way, and I hope you don't end up stringing her along while the ex still has you in her back pocket. She seems like a nice girl and she deserves better than to be someone's second choice.

[McGriff]

Just an update to my now crazy life...it's funny, 2 years ago I was 13 years married and lived a "Joe vs the Volcano" life. My how times have changed!

 

So I went out with the new girl last night and more of the same. We had good conversation, a good time, and some bird/bees time. I dropped her off at home at 300am this morning and then it hit me. I'm having trouble connecting and/or developing feelings for her. Something is amiss. I can't put my finger on it, but I think it's just that I'm not ready. She's a really great person, attractive etc, but I'm just not feeling it for some reason. We were supposed to go to a festival today, and a barbecue at one of her friends house. I called this morning and canceled. I felt horrible, but I just didn't want to go. I don't know, I could be making a mistake, but as of right now, I'm happy with my decision.

 

NOW FOR THE CRAZY PART...

 

At about 400am this morning my phone rang and it was the ex, I didn't answer it because I was passed out. I woke up this morning to a voice message. IT WAS HER EX BOYFRIEND...haha---he was like "hey *******, this is <name>, and i'm telling you to not contact <ex name> anymore." I had to laugh. So I texted the ex and I told her duechebag called me from her phone, and what the f*ck was that all about?" So she instantly texted back--and she had the tone of trying to explain things quickly so as I didn't think she was back with the idiot--she said she had gone to a concert with his sister (who she's still friends with) and came back and crashed on her couch. Her ex grabbed her phone and went through it and called and made that message and she was really embarrassed, he's a psycho blah blah blah and that she absolutely didnt do anything with him etc etc. I haven't answered back.

 

How am I feeling about all of it? Well, surprisingly I'm not upset about anything. I've just been relaxing today, did some clothes shopping for my upcoming vacay, and just cleaning up some stuff around the house. (My kids are with their mother this weekend, so it's been nice and quiet). I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions, although I'm not stupid or naive enough to buy her excuse. I think I've come to the conclusion that I need to take some time away from the ladies and the ex, and just do some "me time". It's like my life has become somewhat of a soap opera, and I need to hit the reset button. I can only imagine what's next! Anyways, as I said I feel GOOD today, I'm not sad, I'm just looking forward to some things I have coming up in the next few weeks/months. Crazy, crazy, crazy.