EastTN Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Ok I will try to keep this as short as I can without leaving out any details. I am 27 and my ex (Chelsea) of about a month is 20. We met when she was 15 and dated while chaperoned until she was 18. We were madly in love. I have only dated one other person prior and for less than a year and she actually died due to an unknown heart disease while we were together. I met Chelsea 2 years later. Chelsea and I spent everyday together since she was 18 and we had our arguments like all couples do but I never thought it could lead to a breakup eventually. She and I are both in college together and schedule all of our classes together and still go to the gym almost every night together. She broke up with me just weeks before our 5 1/2 year anniversary. She said I became too jealous and controlling and the spark was gone from our relationship. I told her we can get the spark back if we both work at it and I just text her to know where she is because I like to know she made it to where she is going safely. She said she just needs some distance to see if she can live without me or not. She said she doesn't think she can but she doesn't want a relationship with me. I asked if she will ever want one again and she said she doesn't know. Now we still go to class together, workout together, she comes over to my house after work or I go over to hers. When we are out she will still hold onto my arm sometimes and will still initiate some sort of contact with me often. She says she still loves my but doesn't want to waste time with me if I don't change. I know this is getting long sorry. She recently (7 months) started a new job and quickly became friends with a 31 year old woman who is married but spends the night with a different man almost weekly. This woman often asks her if she doesn't ever just feel like dressing slutty and going to a club. (Chelsea hates clubs and bars BTW). I am wondering if this woman has proved to be a negative influence on her. One other thing we were getting close to moving out to our own place but now she is moving in with this co-worker in a few months. Chelsea means everything to me and I have already made many changes in my life that she says she can see. I want her back desperately. We both ride horses together and she bought me a horse of my own a couple days after she broke up with me. I don't understand where her head is at.
Author EastTN Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 (edited) Another thing is she has made no effort to tell anyone but the woman she works with about our breakup. She doesn't want anyone we know mutually to know about it. She still wants to have sex but wont. We did a few times after the breakup but she said "it was just sex" to her. Here is the kicker, the new friend from work said Chelsea should stay with me because I am a good person, good to her and she wont find a guy that can make her laugh like I do. Edited April 25, 2013 by EastTN
LumberJack Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I say - if she wants space, give her space. I know it sounds like I'm not taking this seriously enough, but life has taught me that when you want someone back "desperately" (your words) - you don't stand a chance at getting them back. Make a good life for yourself. Let her be desperate. Also - that wasn't long at all!
Author EastTN Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 She says she just feels like she needs to touch me and she does frequently. She says that if there were no chance for us as a couple she wouldn't be hanging around the way she does.
LumberJack Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 If you're comfortable with her hanging around like that, finding comfort in occasional physical contact with you without wanting to be in a relationship - that's great. To me it sounded like you're not so comfortable with it. As for there being a *chance*, I'm sorry but that line has been used on me in the past to keep me hangin' round. When we're sought-after we enjoy being vague. It's not just girls. I'm the same way. Sometimes we kid ourselves that we hurt someone less by leaving them with a shred of hope. It's actually way more painful and degrading once you learn that what they're actually saying is "yeah, there's always a chance, but there's no desire on my part. I just wanted to string you along a bit longer, give you some false hope. Seemed easier than telling you flat-out that I just want to use you physically for a while so I can feel less alone while I look for someone else". I could be way off, but it sounds like that to me. Girls in their early 20s are a nightmare. I'm sure some of them grow up to be fine women though. Maybe you should try again once that happens.
moneyneversleeps Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 Agreed. Girls in their early 20's just don't know what they want in life. Just like what is happening to me, i have been asked to be a friend and she keeps asking to catch up. However she blatantly says that we are not meant for each other and she cant be herself around me.. hurtful but true. I think its the whole controlling thing that sets them off. Why they won't give you a chance to show you have changed? who knows.
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