All the wrong body language

[billygotee]

Hi all,

 

I've just started dating again after a less than one-year relationship. There's a girl at work in whom I'm interested, though there are good reasons to resist the urge to persist landing a date with her. I'm well aware of them. I know she's single: we both use OkCupid, as I noticed when she visited my profile about a month ago. Facts about her:

 

• She's temporarily working here before going to grad school. Her dad is my boss, she's in a different department, and her twin sister also working in this building.
  
• She is a tad introverted
  

 

This is one of those girls who's giving equivocal signs of either not being available or just clamming up being shy. It is like I can do nothing to get her attention, though. If I pass her in the hall and say, "Good morning," she responds perfunctorily with zero eye contact. The only time our paths cross is when she's going to see her dad, and despite my, from time to time, injecting a comment into the conversation, she never makes eye contact with me to a point of fault. I've lingered by the water cooler and tried to leave around the time she leaves to catch her on the way to our cars, but no such luck. I hate to go to far with it and force it. When I pass by her cubicle (which is of course right by everyone's and gets a lot of traffic), she would seem to purposely turn her back to me.

 

She's also in a department where gossip is running rampant and I wonder if I'm on the receiving end of some of it. One rumor I know may have gotten out, that's completely false, of course.

 

Has anyone else had success in this situation? Any ideas on ways I can move this forward? I'm already resigned to moving on as at this point I'm getting fixated on it, but anyway it is an interesting problem.

 

Thank you much!

Edited April 25, 2013 by billygotee

[Jbum5]

The following two possibilities likely exist: either she is interested enough in you that it paralyzes her from making any eye contact (i.e. out of shyness), or she just isn't interested (and whether or not that's due to a rumor or other is irrelevant). Whichever it is, you won't know until you make a bolder move or you move on like a winner and let time pass. Don't be a lovesick fool, be you.

[Mr_Flay]

I've lingered by the water cooler and tried to leave around the time she leaves to catch her on the way to our cars

 

Try to refrain from similar things in the future. Loitering around and waiting for someone in order to simulate a spontaneous encounter is easily noticeable, and can brand you as the "stalker" and "creeper" of the company, which is a dangerous title to hold indeed!

[billygotee]

Whichever it is, you won't know until you make a bolder move or you move on like a winner and let time pass. Don't be a lovesick fool, be you.

 

Thanks, I'm sure you're close to the mark. It would seem the only appropriately bold move would be to strike up conversation at her cubicle, at this rate. But thanks to my proclivity for social f*ck-up-itude, and the fact that I'm fixated enough to post it on LoveShack, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't come off naturally. Leaning toward the so-called "winner" option, B, and hit on someone else.

 

Try to refrain from similar things in the future. Loitering around and waiting for someone in order to simulate a spontaneous encounter is easily noticeable, and can brand you as the "stalker" and "creeper" of the company, which is a dangerous title to hold indeed!

 

True that. Though I wouldn't say I'd been "loitering." Just, making a few more trips than usual.

[StanMusial]

Two things stick out here.

 

Her dad is your boss.

She is shy and will not make conversation easy.

 

Best to leave it alone. It seems even to make casual contact you will have to force it. Add to that the family/work connection and this seems an insurmountable obstacle. I would not pursue her.

[Maleficent]

The following two possibilities likely exist: either she is interested enough in you that it paralyzes her from making any eye contact (i.e. out of shyness), or she just isn't interested (and whether or not that's due to a rumor or other is irrelevant). Whichever it is, you won't know until you make a bolder move or you move on like a winner and let time pass. Don't be a lovesick fool, be you.

 

If she was paralyzed from shyness she would 1- turn beet red (which he didn't say she was) 2- she would have at least tried to make eye contact and would certainly not make an effort to turn her back on him.

 

She isn't interested. If anything, she started noticing his 'attempts' and just trying to avoid giving him any signals.

[billygotee]

Best to leave it alone. It seems even to make casual contact you will have to force it. Add to that the family/work connection and this seems an insurmountable obstacle. I would not pursue her.

 

Very true.

 

She isn't interested. If anything, she started noticing his 'attempts' and just trying to avoid giving him any signals.

 

I'm starting to think it is something like that. She isn't that shy. I must have been staring a bit long or said something dumb in the hall that gave it away. Meh, oh well.

[TigerCub]

If she was paralyzed from shyness she would 1- turn beet red (which he didn't say she was) 2- she would have at least tried to make eye contact and would certainly not make an effort to turn her back on him.

 

She isn't interested. If anything, she started noticing his 'attempts' and just trying to avoid giving him any signals.

 

Have to agree with that.

 

Your thread title is "all the wrong body language"

I actually think she's giving you the right body language, according to where she stands (turning away when you walk by) - you just don't want to see it for what it is.

 

I'm sorry.

 

But yeah good luck with the next gal

[billygotee]

Yep, thanks all, I guess I needed someone else to say it. Next subject.