mandz Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 So, first things first. Hi all, new to the forum. I feel like I am going crazy, one lie away from blowing my lid. Let's start from the beginning - my husband is a u.s. citizen, I am from another country. We have known each other for years and years, met up as teens and kept in contact with each other through the internet for nearly ten years. Well, it just so happened thag I came to visit and a passionate relationship blossomed from there. Hot n heavy and way irrational from most relationship standards. I left friends, family, and everything I know to come here since he is in school and has a job here he has worked hard for. Within 6 months we were married and I was with child. We have a three month old now. The first situation was when he came back frok a business trip and emptied his dirty laundry and a pair of underwear that wasnt mine came out with it. He told me the laundry facilities where he was is public so it could have been someone else's left there. Now, let me jist tell you. His ex wife lives where he was going for 'work'. Yet I swallowed it and put it out of my head. His family hs warned me that I will get hurt, as well as my mother inlaws employees. Claiming hes already cheated on me when he claims to be off worjing. Once, when he was leaving on business, we were discussing our new daughter and I got a text from him asking something dirty...asking like he was talking to a stranger. I assumed he was sending it to someone else and sent it to me by mistake. However he will jot admit anything to me. I am not saying that i would be able to get past it even if he did. But the not knowing who it was for is eating at me. Do I know them? Do i see them everyday? Am i being laughed at and look like a fool for still being here? Why bother to keep me around if you want someone else? He is also a functioning alcoholic and when he is sober he is very uninvolved with our daughter. He doesnt help me around the house, just plays on a virtual computer game all day and into the wee hours of the morning. I can't legally work yet so I keep thebhouse, rltake care of the baby, and try to dive as deep into her development as I can to hide the hurt and pain I feel from all this. I have tried to talk to him about all this but by the end of it he has turned the tables and I feel like the bad guy. I can see myself pulling away from jim and I feel terrible that my daughter will someday find out what he has done, and I promised myself never to demonize him to her. But everything he does now is under the gun so to speak. I was never a jealous person and I hate this, but I am so miserable and stuck here, not able to work, and not able to.go back home....I don't know what to do. For some reason there is this part of me that wants...no...NEEDS him to admit the painful details for me. I am mot sure why I want to punish myself further. Anyone else ever able to get their cheating spouse to.admit it all to them? Why do I feel like I need him to tell me when the evidence is right infront of.my face constantly? P.s. sorry for any spelling errors. Am typing this on my phone, not quite as quick, or accurate...
2sure Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Well, you know yourself you have seen planty of red flags. His own mother telling you he cheats is huge. He sounds like a serial cheater , so was my X, and they rarely stop. They just go further underground or switch partners when you become suspicious of one. Will he ever tell you the truth. Nope. The lies and deception are all apart of his "hobby". He is selfish and he enjoys having this to himself. He will probably go to great lengths trying to convince you that you are imagining things and even blame you for the distance this creates in your marriage. I am being up front and not painting a pretty picture for you because your circumstances concern me. You must feel trapped. A new marriage, a new baby, and facing the knowledge that you have made a big mistake. If I were you, and other than being a US Citizen, I have been you -- I would focus on getting my affairs in order , so that when you are able to make a change , you can. Its important that you have control of some aspects of your life. How long until you can work? How much access do you have to anyone that can give you legal advice as far as immigration , divorce, child support?
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