MsOptimist Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I went through almost the same thing about 8 months ago, except the genders are reversed and my ex-husband and I have no kids. I got the very same reasonings that you got - he didn't love me, didn't think he ever did, felt trapped, etc. We quickly separated in about a month and our divorce was finalized a little over a month ago. It was torturous but I am seeing more clearly how selfish he really was in our marriage and that I deserve better. He has and still is trying to reconcile as well - I'm not saying this to get your hopes up because honestly I can't decide which is worse, having him realize that no he didn't and doesn't love me, or only realizing that he loved me AFTER he lost me for good. Reconciliation isn't in the cards for me anymore given the stunts he's pulled post-separation - the way he treated me, being on every dating and sex site imaginable, etc. He has been hell bent on trying to find greener grass and he does have very low self esteem. I can't trust him at all anymore. My thoughts are that your wife will not realize what she is doing or what she had with you until you are completely removed from her life (which I understand is hard to do with a child in the picture). That's how my exH finally woke up. But it doesn't matter now, I am still trying to heal from the hurt and try not to think of the "what ifs." Best of luck. 2
Bluesandy Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 No she goes out with a female friend who is also having marital problems Ouf.. that's the worse case, cause women between them have a tendancy to mix everything... That was part of how my problems started.. My wife used to chat with one of our divorced friends, who made her realized that men are all a pain in the ass and where divorce can be a cool situation to find her true values... What happened next got worse and worse.... 2
worldgonewrong Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 This whole thing reeks of cheating. My ex-wife did the same exact stuff. Textbook. 1
GuyInLimbo Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Listen, coach. I feel for you. This was a bomb dropped on you out of nowhere. Being somewhat in your wife's position, telling someone you don't love them is a scary thing. Is it "fair?" No. But it's not easy to tell that to someone you married. Now, all these people telling you to spy on her, and crap. Don't do it. Why torture yourself? Is that how you want to live your life? I doubt it. If she is/was cheating, is that going to make you feel any better? Is it going to change anything? No. It's not. So what's the point. Be a bigger person. One thing you MUST do is set up an appt with a child psychologist right away. It sounds to me neither one of you knows how to deal with your daughter about this. Who would?? But she's very confused and needs some help. And you guys need direction on how to make sure she feels loved and doesn't start carrying this traumatic burden on her little life. 1
notbroken Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Living with someone that doesn't love you is just not worth it. You can drive yourself crazy worrying about why. She may or may not be cheating. She is definitely thinking about it. No doubt about that. She thinks she wants life without you - and you should give it to her (I'm sorry - but that is the cold hard truth). I was in the same situation you were in and spent a number of terrible years living with an unloving spouse. It is bad for you, bad for your kid, and bad for your wife. Life is short. Find someone that is capable of loving you back. You will become the blame for everything wrong in the world. Her 'never loved you' is an excuse so that she can lie, cheat, and run out on her commitments. I'm very sorry, but end the abuse (and she will eventually abuse you in many ways) before it gets any further. She gets together with her 'friend' and they bash you all the while talking about the 'hot guys' in the bar. That is very unhealthy and creates a fantasy in her mind that life would be just perfect if she wasn't with you. False - but that's where she is at right now. Wish I had better news. 2
Bluesandy Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) This whole thing reeks of cheating. My ex-wife did the same exact stuff. Textbook. I second him, same thing happened to me... check out your back... I discovered the reality several weeks after the separation, and the OM was her boss for two years, and they were so secret than even their close colleagues didn't have a clue of what was going on between both of them... And till the end, my XW was telling me she was loving me, and we were making love at least once a week... !!!!!!! The OM was married as well and they were meeting in an hotel during the day.. After the split, she told me she didn't love me for 11 years in a relation of 23 years, and I thought everything was nice between us.. . ugh... another punch in the stomach... So beware... Edited May 3, 2013 by Bluesandy 1
ALAACJ Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 We tried therapy and what I can tell you is this: therapy is for working out problems - not being in love with someone is not a problem, it is a feeling. If the feeling is gone, my experience is, therapy wont help. Life Goes Wrong and Coaches....I have read both of your posts and we share very similar stories. Although I tend to agree with the above statement, I would like to share something that I just read today from the intro of a book called "Love Dare" that inspired the movie Fireproof (a christian based movie) "This is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision, not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. When love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better." So, our estranged wives may not deserve our love, but it is still our decision to whether we want to show them love or not. 1
Darren Steez Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 or maybe she just doesn't love him anymore.. I knew people would chime in with "SHE'S CHEATING!!!!!!!" Spy on her, follow or car, send in the para troopers or maybe she just doesn't love him anymore and is being honest She wants out, give her her out. I really dont think you can tell someone you feel out of love years ago and you feel nothing for them then expect a few dates to fix things. She may not be cheating but she's definitely detached enough from you, she's laying the ground work so if you do D, she doesn't feel so much guilt about it. Don't cling on and beg for another chance. Talk to her about D, if she really wants it then you tell her I'm going to a lawyer tomorrow to get things rolling. She'll see you are serious about letting her go and living your life. 1
Author coaches24 Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Unfortunately I think that's the case. At this moment she says she doesn't know what she wants and just needs space to "find herself" and figure out what's going on with her. She even apologized for being selfish but said she didn't know what to do. Im not going to rush anything and the spying is done on my part. I will let her have her space within reason and wait for her to decide what she wants to do. If she wants out then there's nothing I can do to stop that so I will have to come to grips with that and find a way to move on. If she decides that she wants to try and work on US then I will gladly do that. I have been setting my ground rules lately so she knows what I will and won't tolerate from her so the ball is in her court and at some point in the near future she will need to make a decision on what's next. or maybe she just doesn't love him anymore.. I knew people would chime in with "SHE'S CHEATING!!!!!!!" Spy on her, follow or car, send in the para troopers or maybe she just doesn't love him anymore and is being honest She wants out, give her her out. I really dont think you can tell someone you feel out of love years ago and you feel nothing for them then expect a few dates to fix things. She may not be cheating but she's definitely detached enough from you, she's laying the ground work so if you do D, she doesn't feel so much guilt about it. Don't cling on and beg for another chance. Talk to her about D, if she really wants it then you tell her I'm going to a lawyer tomorrow to get things rolling. She'll see you are serious about letting her go and living your life.
Leigh 87 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I sort of find it odd how two people can be together for so many years, and not realise that one of the people involved in the relationship has checked out.. OH - and by the way - first of all, before I go on, I want to say : I am SO sorry for what your going through! It is really very sad how in marriages and when children are involved, there is even more to think about, rather than just dealing with the absolute heartbreak. As if the heart break isn't enough - you also have your daughter and house to worry about. All I can say is - you can only do so much about it. Go to sleep at night, telling yourself " I have done everything I can for today. NO need to stress now, I have DONE everything I can, and diminishing my sleep and health will only HARM me" Now, back to your wife - I find it mind blowing how ... well, put it this way: I cannot imagine my partner (who I may or may never marry) suddenly.. changing his love towards me.... I cannot see: - him sticking my me if he is not in love with me, and if he is not feeling very happy with his life with me - I cannot see how it is possible for ME at least, to overlook the changes in a person if they totally changed their feelings towards me - from my current experience, which is limited: my partner would certainly NOT be able to maintain his.... usual way of being around me, if his feelings drastically changed. I just cannot see how things would be or feel the same between us. Did you and your wife ever talk about things? How was the communication in the relationship? I hope you learn from this. There ARE women out there who will treat you so well, and make you feel SO loved and adored! PLEASE do not try to fix something because you think it is the best thing for your child. The best thing for children, is for them to have two loving parents! Your child WOULD NOT want you playing house together, when your utterly unhappy. I wish you the best of luck! I have given you my perspective on the matter at hand. I lack the experience you have with marriage, but I totally do not see how a healthy, very loving couple initially, could miss out on the fact that one of the person in the relationship had checked out emotionally. - 4
Leigh 87 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Also - looking back at the past, has there been any notable changes in the way she acts towards you from when you first got together, up until she recently make this admission to you (that she had lost feelings?). Sometimes if you look back there are signs you may not have noticed at he time. Again - I am SO sorry for your predicament. It is more awful than anything I have gone through. You will be a better person after this, remember that - bad experiences tend to make you better, stronger, more empathetic people. I hope your taking heart in the fact that there are strangers on the internet who are genuinely upset for you, and who want to spend their time helping you. I find it helps me deal with difficult situations, when I think about how kind strangers have been to me... Knowing there are nice people out there is a nice though to consider:) And as I mentioned before - I know it is way too earlier for you to process life without your wife, however; there ARE women out there who will make you feel very special indeed. 2
Am4Real Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 The dynamics of a dumper (or potential dumper in your case) are pretty straightforward in my opinion. Either you know the person you are with is not the right person for you and you need to separate yourself from the relationship and the stalling of your life. or The dumper is distracted or attracted by another interest while still in a relationship. I'm discounting abuse or other mental or physical infractions in this example. This board appears split on those two directions. Half (unscientific count) think she is cheating; half think you should let her go and not care. Both are right and both are wrong. There is no right or wrong answer. Only you know her and only you know all the details. I very much like the recent post on not staying together or working on the marriage for the sake of the child. As said, children need happy, loving and nurturing parents not just a simply described "happy home". You have probably received all the relevant advice you can consume by this point. Pretty soon you will need to pick a direction. I know what I would do, but I'm not you and she is not my wife. Let us know what you decide. We'll support you either way. Good luck. 3
Author coaches24 Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) Yes I guess there were signs, but I failed to see how severe they were. She was always wanting more attention but not willing to give attention. The intamicy between us was not like it was when we first got together but there was some intimacy. We were still having sex though it wasn't as much as I would like, but I always figured I'm a guy so I just want more than I can get. We would things together regularly whether it was family trips or just grocery shopping. She would tell me all the time how lucky she was to have me and how all her friends thought the same because I do things that their husbands don't do. I would tell her I love her every day and while we were never a real affectionate couple in public we did kiss ( smack on the lips kiss as she was never a big full on kisser even before we got married) and hug every day as well. For me it was enough. Between our relationship, our family, our home and my job ( Im a teacher and football coach ) I was very happy. Now she did talk to me 2 1/2 years ago about thinking we weren't spending enough time together and we sat and talked about what we each wanted. I stopped coaching that year to try and do what she said she wanted. I thought we had worked through that, and really I don't think I ever realized how serious she was then. The thought of marriage counseling never even came up and I never thought we needed it. Since then she would tell me she was happy. She has been very good at hiding her feelings and now I see this is a big pattern for her. When she and I first started dating she had issues like this with her close friends and family. Her dad had just started dating her best friends mom which she thought was great but then when we were alone would always complain about how her best friend would get all kinds of things from her mom and she wouldn't get anything. She would complain about her dad not being active in her life enough (in truth he has been active since I have known him and has helped her with everything she has asked him to, and apparently did quite a bit for her before I came into the picture as well like paying off her very large credit card debt before we met, picking her up when she broke up with her ex BF in Texas and driving her back to Ca etc). She made it seem like they were all mistreating her but she would act like they were great when with them and then cry with me when we left because of things being said or done that hurt her feelings ( before our daughter was born). I always blamed the friend and her mom for taking advantage of my wife but I know now that she brought any mis treatment on herself by refusing to ever talk to them about it. So yes there is a pattern of behavior here with my wife and I do wish I would have recognized it better. There were other things that I always noticed about her character that were concerning to me but I just felt we could work through them. I never saw anything between us that I didn't think we could get through until this. My feelings now are she has never been happy with herself and doesn't love herself and therefore is not capable of loving anyone else until she can figure out her inner issues first. She is now trying to get help with her inner issues with a therapist. I guess my hope is she will realize she does love and does want to be with me once she can start feeling better about herself. But at the same time my gut tells me that even if she does figure things out enough to be happy with herself that she will decide I don't fit into her life anymore and will leave. So while I hope for the best I am trying to prepare myself for the worst. Im not ready to make the decision myself yet to D but I am trying to be prepared in case she decides that's what she wants. I sort of find it odd how two people can be together for so many years, and not realise that one of the people involved in the relationship has checked out.. OH - and by the way - first of all, before I go on, I want to say : I am SO sorry for what your going through! It is really very sad how in marriages and when children are involved, there is even more to think about, rather than just dealing with the absolute heartbreak. As if the heart break isn't enough - you also have your daughter and house to worry about. All I can say is - you can only do so much about it. Go to sleep at night, telling yourself " I have done everything I can for today. NO need to stress now, I have DONE everything I can, and diminishing my sleep and health will only HARM me" Now, back to your wife - I find it mind blowing how ... well, put it this way: I cannot imagine my partner (who I may or may never marry) suddenly.. changing his love towards me.... I cannot see: - him sticking my me if he is not in love with me, and if he is not feeling very happy with his life with me - I cannot see how it is possible for ME at least, to overlook the changes in a person if they totally changed their feelings towards me - from my current experience, which is limited: my partner would certainly NOT be able to maintain his.... usual way of being around me, if his feelings drastically changed. I just cannot see how things would be or feel the same between us. Did you and your wife ever talk about things? How was the communication in the relationship? I hope you learn from this. There ARE women out there who will treat you so well, and make you feel SO loved and adored! PLEASE do not try to fix something because you think it is the best thing for your child. The best thing for children, is for them to have two loving parents! Your child WOULD NOT want you playing house together, when your utterly unhappy. I wish you the best of luck! I have given you my perspective on the matter at hand. I lack the experience you have with marriage, but I totally do not see how a healthy, very loving couple initially, could miss out on the fact that one of the person in the relationship had checked out emotionally. - Edited May 4, 2013 by coaches24 1
Darren Steez Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I call BS on "finding oneself" What exactly does that mean? I mean really? I want to find myself, where were you, where are you going to find yourself..and what the heck does it have to do with being with you? I think a person pretty much knows who and what they are. What they don't have is the honesty to bring about whatever change they might be fighting with. She either loves you and wants to work on it, or she's fallen out of love like she says and wants to be free. If she's being selfish, maybe it's time you be selfish too. She's either in or out. Leaving you in limbo is not an acceptable option for you 1
Author coaches24 Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 I call BS on "finding oneself" What exactly does that mean? I mean really? I want to find myself, where were you, where are you going to find yourself..and what the heck does it have to do with being with you? I think a person pretty much knows who and what they are. What they don't have is the honesty to bring about whatever change they might be fighting with. She either loves you and wants to work on it, or she's fallen out of love like she says and wants to be free. If she's being selfish, maybe it's time you be selfish too. She's either in or out. Leaving you in limbo is not an acceptable option for you To each their own I guess.
Techie Artist Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I totally do not see how a healthy, very loving couple initially, could miss out on the fact that one of the person in the relationship had checked out emotionally. - Leigh, I think the OP's wife said she never really loved him. So, if the feelings were at 30 out of 100 on her part and 80 out of 100 on his part, he would not notice a drastic change if her mood slipped 10 points. He'd think she's having a bad day or needs some quiet time...if he notices at all. A 4y.o. can take every ounce of energy from their parents. So, consider that she probably never did love him. I am somewhat of the OP's wife in that my hindsight revealed that I was not "in love" with my H. This was not done out of malice or forethought, but my H was a nice guy who paid me attention and said the right things. We were both up in age, and were comfortable together. Notice that I never said I was cuckoo for him. So, here I am 10 years later...much more mature...realizing that I don't have enough love to cover a significant loss of respect for him in a really challenging period in our marriage. I've still not gone for the D, but I'm consulting a lawyer. IMHO, she's shown interest in counseling. Coach, give it a try! Rally your sports metaphors and try to win this underdog conflict! Best to you as you attempt to reconcile. Sorry for the situation. 1
ALAACJ Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 My feelings now are she has never been happy with herself and doesn't love herself and therefore is not capable of loving anyone else until she can figure out her inner issues first. I guess my hope is she will realize she does love and does want to be with me once she can start feeling better about herself. But at the same time my gut tells me that even if she does figure things out enough to be happy with herself that she will decide I don't fit into her life anymore and will leave. So while I hope for the best I am trying to prepare myself for the worst. Im not ready to make the decision myself yet to D but I am trying to be prepared in case she decides that's what she wants. I can say the same exact thing about my wife and my situation. I might just paste this into my thread. This is going to be hard. Last week when I visited my family, I convinced myself that I wanted a divorce and it felt good to let go, it was freeing. Now I have decided to go down a different path, one that requires me to be patient and forgiving and understanding and to be a godly man and to give love where it will not be received and is not deserved, it's hard. I feel like a fool and I may be making a huge mistake. But, if you want an extraordinary result, you need to take an extraordinary Path. I am in this thing with you.
Author coaches24 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 I can say the same exact thing about my wife and my situation. I might just paste this into my thread. This is going to be hard. Last week when I visited my family, I convinced myself that I wanted a divorce and it felt good to let go, it was freeing. Now I have decided to go down a different path, one that requires me to be patient and forgiving and understanding and to be a godly man and to give love where it will not be received and is not deserved, it's hard. I feel like a fool and I may be making a huge mistake. But, if you want an extraordinary result, you need to take an extraordinary Path. I am in this thing with you. Im sorry you know what I am going through (and am going through ansimilar situation). This is the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with. I know I'm a strong person but this is and will continue to test my resolve. Right now I don't know if I am strong enough to get through this but I am going to try for now. I have to get through this month. Im a HS teacher so we start summer break the beginning of June so I will be able to focus solely on the issues at hand. I also have a couple of trips planned including taking my daughter to see my mom for only the 2nd time (only partly because she lives 13 hours away by car). Not having to worry about work for a few weeks will help quite a bit I hope.
Am4Real Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Once again Coaches: The dynamics of a dumper ("your wife" or potential dumper in your case) are pretty straightforward in my opinion. 1. Either you know the person you are with is not the right person for you and you need to separate yourself from the relationship and the stalling of your life. No matter what they call it or attempt to explain, the above sentence is the reality. or 2. The dumper is distracted or attracted by another interest while still in a relationship. I'm discounting abuse or other mental or physical infractions in this example. No matter what they call it or attempt to explain, the above sentence is the reality. It's one or the other. It doesn't matter when it started or how it started or even why; if she is trying to explain something to you she is explaining one or the other and in some cases, maybe even both.
Author coaches24 Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Once again Coaches: The dynamics of a dumper ("your wife" or potential dumper in your case) are pretty straightforward in my opinion. 1. Either you know the person you are with is not the right person for you and you need to separate yourself from the relationship and the stalling of your life. No matter what they call it or attempt to explain, the above sentence is the reality. or 2. The dumper is distracted or attracted by another interest while still in a relationship. I'm discounting abuse or other mental or physical infractions in this example. No matter what they call it or attempt to explain, the above sentence is the reality. It's one or the other. It doesn't matter when it started or how it started or even why; if she is trying to explain something to you she is explaining one or the other and in some cases, maybe even both. I respect your opinion but I don't agree with you that there are only two options. I think there are many many possibilities that could be the cause of this and while I may never truly know the why, Im not ready to call it quits on the last 9 years of my life until she comes out and says that's what she wants. Right now she says she doesn't know and needs time to figure things out so I am going to take care of my daughter and myself and see where things go.
Am4Real Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 No one here will disagree with your approach. What we are doing is "coaching" you with our experience of having read thousands of posts here on LS and elsewhere whereas if you wouldn't mind re-reading my post to you, I emphasized "No matter what they call it or attempt to explain, the above sentence is the reality". In other words Coaches, the potential dumper may not even be sure themselves of what or where they are at, let alone you trying to figure it out for them. However, the reasons for their uncertainty with the relationship boils down to one of these two explanations. However, if you like, try listing a condition that you think is plausible and doesn't fit in either one of these descriptions as the absolute. Other than complete mental illness or other form of health infliction, just about anything I conjecture fits in either one. I'm open to hearing your thoughts....though. Understand, I’m not trying to berate or belittle you in any fashion, just help you understand what your wife is really saying. This doesn't mean your marriage is not salvageable, not at all, but realizing what you’re up against will assist you in cutting through any BS she is sputtering and tackling the situation from your head and not your heart. Make better sense now? I respect your opinion but I don't agree with you that there are only two options. I think there are many many possibilities that could be the cause of this and while I may never truly know the why, Im not ready to call it quits on the last 9 years of my life until she comes out and says that's what she wants. Right now she says she doesn't know and needs time to figure things out so I am going to take care of my daughter and myself and see where things go. 1
Author coaches24 Posted May 9, 2013 Author Posted May 9, 2013 update on what's going on with me. Nothing new with my wife and I. We don't talk much but we are civil when we do talk. But today at work one of my co-workers and friends told me that my wife who was supposed to be a brides maid in his wedding had emailed his fiancé and told her she didn't want to be in the wedding anymore. She gave some BS excuse about our situation being the reason. I sent my wife a text asking what she did to my co workers fiancé to see what she would say about it. She went off about how the fiancé hadnt talked to her about the wedding ( in July) in months and now wants her to be places on certain days and such ( normal bridesmaids responsibilities it seems to me). She gave a whole list of other reasons, none of which she told the bride to be. The thing about this is she has done almost this exact same thing before. 2 years ago a college friend of mine got engaged. His fiancé isn't from this area and didnt know a lot of people so she asked my wife if she would be a bridesmaid. My wife didnt want to but agreed. I didn't pressure her and even told her at the time to be honest but of course she didn't listen. A few weeks later as soon as the bride to be needed my wife to do her bridesmaids things for the wedding she decided it was too much and backed out..... With a text. I wasn't happy about it at all and told her I was disapointed with how she handled it but otherwise did not make a big deal about it. I did apologize to my friend and his lady several times and we ended up going to the wedding. Anyway the more I look back at my wife's actions over the years the more I see a pattern of repeated behaviors. I really think she has never been honest with herself and is in need of a LOT of help.
Techie Artist Posted May 9, 2013 Posted May 9, 2013 She sounds very selfish and unable to celebrate someone else's joy because of her own issues. 1
Author coaches24 Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 She sounds very selfish and unable to celebrate someone else's joy because of her own issues. that's what another of my Co workers said as well when I told her of this.
ver13 Posted May 10, 2013 Posted May 10, 2013 update on what's going on with me. Nothing new with my wife and I. We don't talk much but we are civil when we do talk. But today at work one of my co-workers and friends told me that my wife who was supposed to be a brides maid in his wedding had emailed his fiancé and told her she didn't want to be in the wedding anymore. She gave some BS excuse about our situation being the reason. I sent my wife a text asking what she did to my co workers fiancé to see what she would say about it. She went off about how the fiancé hadnt talked to her about the wedding ( in July) in months and now wants her to be places on certain days and such ( normal bridesmaids responsibilities it seems to me). She gave a whole list of other reasons, none of which she told the bride to be. The thing about this is she has done almost this exact same thing before. 2 years ago a college friend of mine got engaged. His fiancé isn't from this area and didnt know a lot of people so she asked my wife if she would be a bridesmaid. My wife didnt want to but agreed. I didn't pressure her and even told her at the time to be honest but of course she didn't listen. A few weeks later as soon as the bride to be needed my wife to do her bridesmaids things for the wedding she decided it was too much and backed out..... With a text. I wasn't happy about it at all and told her I was disapointed with how she handled it but otherwise did not make a big deal about it. I did apologize to my friend and his lady several times and we ended up going to the wedding. Anyway the more I look back at my wife's actions over the years the more I see a pattern of repeated behaviors. I really think she has never been honest with herself and is in need of a LOT of help. I have been following your post and I had to just bring out these few but very significant issues. Your W seems to be a little self centered based off the two incidents that you mentioned. When people use email and text messages to get out of important engagements such as these it say's a lot about the person. Right now she is telling you that she needs some space. Which would be cool if it weren't for the fact she is not one to really be truthfull about her agenda. Go into the seperation with open eyes and be prepared for any and everything. Since she is not going to give you a heads up when she drops the bomb. Just take some precautions like seperating the bank account, bills etc...
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