BLS Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I am curious, as I'm sure many others here are, as to how long it takes before you are completely better? This question goes out to those who truly feel like they won the battle and became a better person out of it as well as those who feel they've made progress. How long was the relationship? How long did it take? How limited was your contact w/ your ex, if any? Tips for those going through the struggle, particularly to beat weak moments. Look forward to hearing all of your responses
Devastated77 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I'm also interested in replies...my r/ship was for 13 years and the breakup is only VERY recent...starting to wonder if I will EVER feel any better
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I am curious, as I'm sure many others here are, as to how long it takes before you are completely better? This question goes out to those who truly feel like they won the battle and became a better person out of it as well as those who feel they've made progress. How long was the relationship? How long did it take? How limited was your contact w/ your ex, if any? Tips for those going through the struggle, particularly to beat weak moments. Look forward to hearing all of your responses Completely better = I think you will find this is totally different for each situation. And most of those people aren't hanging around LS too much any more, except for a few. You'll see who they are over time Made progress = What I have discovered, as well as many others, is that it is not a linear measurement. One day forward, the next back. It's kind of like a stock chart. Hopefully, you are trending in the right direction. But there WILL be set backs along the way... Tips = Many. Here is my list · DO NOT put him/her on a pedestal. · REMEMBER, he/she is human complete with flaws. · REMEMBER, there were multiple things about him/her and the relationship you were unhappy with. · REMEMBER, your wants and needs were of little concern to him/her. · DO NOT look backwards. Instead Look Forwards. · DO NOT dwell on the past. · DO NOT think about HIM/HER. Think about YOU. · DO NOT assume things you don't know about. · DO NOT fabricate scenarios. · Be kind to yourself. This is NOT all your fault. You did the best you could. · Understand your role in this situation. · Forgive yourself. · Forgive him/her. · Learn from this experience. This is an opportunity to improve your life! It really is!!! · Recovery is not a race. Do so at YOUR pace. · You WILL feel better · You WILL be happy & excited about the future · You WILL find someone · You WILL have grown stronger & wiser from this experience. 2
cavalier99 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 (edited) Im over it. 8 Year Rs. 7 Months NC and post BU. I received just one really nice email in december for my bday.. didnt respond. Met new girl this month right after becoming indifferent. I was like you early on searching for recovery stories. Calculating the time. Grasping at anything to end the misery. It does end but it is a long NC journey. Rock on! Cav Edited April 25, 2013 by cavalier99 2
cavalier99 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Completely better = I think you will find this is totally different for each situation. And most of those people aren't hanging around LS too much any more, except for a few. You'll see who they are over time Made progress = What I have discovered, as well as many others, is that it is not a linear measurement. One day forward, the next back. It's kind of like a stock chart. Hopefully, you are trending in the right direction. But there WILL be set backs along the way... Tips = Many. Here is my list · DO NOT put him/her on a pedestal. · REMEMBER, he/she is human complete with flaws. · REMEMBER, there were multiple things about him/her and the relationship you were unhappy with. · REMEMBER, your wants and needs were of little concern to him/her. · DO NOT look backwards. Instead Look Forwards. · DO NOT dwell on the past. · DO NOT think about HIM/HER. Think about YOU. · DO NOT assume things you don't know about. · DO NOT fabricate scenarios. · Be kind to yourself. This is NOT all your fault. You did the best you could. · Understand your role in this situation. · Forgive yourself. · Forgive him/her. · Learn from this experience. This is an opportunity to improve your life! It really is!!! · Recovery is not a race. Do so at YOUR pace. · You WILL feel better · You WILL be happy & excited about the future · You WILL find someone · You WILL have grown stronger & wiser from this experience. So weird i remeber all that. One day it just seems to end. Or one month..and you dont need the list any more! Just a few more months and youll be fine!
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Man, I wish it would be just a few more months. I really hope it is. Now, I just feel like I'm going around in circles. One minute I am OK with everything. I accept, understand and even agree with the BU, as we just saw things so much differently and we just weren't making each other happy any longer. But, then I look at the last few months of the RS and the few weeks after the BU (still living together) and even though I don't have any hard proof, I have suspicions that she may have been emotionally or physically seeing someone else. Then, I get sick to my stomach, angry and sad all over again. The problem is, I have no proof of her doing any of this and it could really be that it is just something I am doing to myself. All in my head. I usually get going on these thoughts after reading something here on LS. I will never know the truth, but I just don't think she was doing this. But then again, it seems so common. Arrrggghhh. Now I am feeling shytty all over again…
youngnlove89 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Really depends on the relationship and the people. One relationship took me two years to get over. He cheated on me. It was a serious relationship that ended very bad. Another took me only 2 weeks to get over. One took me a few months. I'm still trying to get over my current ex that I dated for 2 years, we recently just broke up. I walked away, but he had commitment issues. It just takes time. It's different for everyone. BUT I think going NC and having a positive attitude really helps the process go by faster.
DreamLost Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I think the recovery period is different for different relationships because people have different characters, backgrounds and the chemistry can be different. I was in a 5 year relationship and after we broke up and we haven't stayed in touch at all; but it's been 9 years and I am still not completely over it. Whereas my friend, who was in a relationship for 10 years, got over it in less than a month because he was "sick" of the relationship. DreamLost
Pisces13 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 How long was the relationship? How long did it take? How limited was your contact w/ your ex, if any? Tips for those going through the struggle, particularly to beat weak moments. - Relationship was 2 years. Have been broken up for 7 weeks. - I wouldn't say I'm completely over it, but I've made progress. I'm focusing a lot on myself (I'm spending many hours in the gym), I'm thinking about her less during the day, and I have just started going back out clubbing the last few weeks. I still go through periods every now and then of feeling sad and depressed, but they're fewer and far between than before. - I've actually been in fairly regular contact with my ex, we see each other probably once or twice a week, and have continued to sleep together and all that jazz too. Tips: Focus on yourself. I've said it before and I'll say it again, get in the Gym. Use this negative situation as motivation to improve yourself. A better body leads to a better mind. I've always been a bit of a gym rat, but I'm smashing it harder and longer than ever before since the breakup. I'm the strongest I've ever been, both physically and mentally.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 - I've actually been in fairly regular contact with my ex, we see each other probably once or twice a week, and have continued to sleep together and all that jazz too. Whooooaaa! Don't know you and don't know your situation, but this sounds like denial and dangerous ground to me... More power to you if this is true . Either you are a sociopath (), weren't too emotionally invested to begin with or you have the uncanny power to switch off your emotions at will...
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