charlietheginger Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 This happened to me. Had a crush on a girl in highschool we talked in drama class She would also talk to me in the quite halls when no one Was around. But around her popular friends she wouldnt even look At me. She dated the jocks. My surprise she faced booked me to say hello. I never Replied.
DaSkullCrusher Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 This happened to me. Had a crush on a girl in highschool we talked in drama class She would also talk to me in the quite halls when no one Was around. But around her popular friends she wouldnt even look At me. She dated the jocks. My surprise she faced booked me to say hello. I never Replied. She most likely realized she missed out on how great you were or is trying to get you back into her life to fill a void. Just my opinion and hats off to you bro.
Sith Apprentice Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 This happened to me. Had a crush on a girl in highschool we talked in drama class She would also talk to me in the quite halls when no one Was around. But around her popular friends she wouldnt even look At me. She dated the jocks. My surprise she faced booked me to say hello. I never Replied. I had the same experience after creating a facebook account. I had several women from my past send me friend requests. I wasn't interested in talking to none of 'em. I only care about the woman in my life now.
mortensorchid Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Well, it depends. I know a married couple who apparently used to date many years ago, then broke up. The woman married another guy, they got divorced, then she went back to the man she was with before who she married and has been with for 20+ years now with two children. She and him are both quite flakey, I don't really respect them all that much, but I guess if that's what they are about then good for them. If this is someone from the past who just wants to reconnect, then there's nothing wrong with that. You'll have a few emails and chats and whatnot and that's that. If they are intending love/sex, then ... Ask yourself why it is it didn't work the first time. I had a psycho I was with for a flash in 06 pull quite a few hilariously abusive things that I would expect out of a 2 year old (but he also said he had some kind of psych disorder) who was still trying to get back with me after 2 years until I told him off and said to go back to his wife (who he married barely 6 months after we had broken ties). As for the rejection way back when ... Depends on the person. Were they alright from what you remember? If not then run.
outsidethebox Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 OP, you have to find him first, and in the process may see some stuff (like he's married maybe) to have a better idea of whether to try contacting him. If he doesn't come up in google or whatever search it won't even be an issue unless you raise a big ruckus trying to find him through other old acquaintances, etc. which is pretty embarrassing. So he may very well be in a life position you don't want to intrude in. Until you find some info on him you can't make a decision.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 I've already found him and know how to reach him. It's just working up the courage to do it. Any pointers in that area?
summerof12 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I've already found him and know how to reach him. It's just working up the courage to do it. Any pointers in that area? As you can see from my post count, I`m new here lol And I dont have that much experience in real life either(although some, came across this page cause of a recent heartbreak, but anyways, this is about you, not me lol) The way i see it, you`re in one of those give it a shot and move on situations. If he wants you entering his life, well then I guess anything can happen. If he doesn`t, then you would have to move on. Either way, you will get closure. As for method of contact. It depends. If you found him on facebook a simple "Hi, its been a long time *insert name*! :)" would do the trick.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 If you asked a girl out over 10 years ago, was turned down, and ended up losing all contact with her, how would you feel / what would you do, if she reached out to out of the blue? That's the decision I'm faced with right now. I'm trying to decide if I should contact a guy who I liked a LONG time ago. He did ask me out, but I rejected him out of fear (my insecurities - nothing he did wrong). We haven't talked in years so I'm not sure how he'd take to that. I'm not sure if he's in a relationship now or not, but I'd kind of like to find out. I know that you can't answer how HE'D handle it, but what would YOU do/think? Me personally, as 49322 I'd be a mix of ecstatic and deeply suspicious. Ecstatic because a girl wanted to contact me, but deeply suspicious because I'd wonder what her angle was. I've had "out of the woodwork" people contact me like you describe, only because they wanted something (usually they were selling something or needed something). So, it depends I guess...
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 Me personally, as 49322 I'd be a mix of ecstatic and deeply suspicious. Ecstatic because a girl wanted to contact me, but deeply suspicious because I'd wonder what her angle was. I've had "out of the woodwork" people contact me like you describe, only because they wanted something (usually they were selling something or needed something). So, it depends I guess... Well, I know I don't have to reassure you of my motives, but my real motives is to get him back in my life as a friend and if it leads to more great. I honestly just miss him and his company. We had a lot of fun hanging out back in the day.
outsidethebox Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I've already found him and know how to reach him. It's just working up the courage to do it. Any pointers in that area? In the process of finding him did you determine if he is married, etc.? Probably wouldn't want to contact him if he is.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 When I first came here I wrote of a long lost love who I gave the initial "S". Those who know me here will remember "S". S and I were in college together. We became so involved we would fool around in the lab and in class and spent all our times together. We were on and off for many years then lost contact for a good while. I looked S up in the phone book and knocked on her door and we had another good six months before the same old issues came up. My point is give it a try. Stranger things have happened.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 In the process of finding him did you determine if he is married, etc.? Probably wouldn't want to contact him if he is. No unforunately I didn't find the answer to that question.
outsidethebox Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 It's pretty messy to try contacting him if he is. Probably would want to avoid that.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 I understand what you're saying, but if I can't tell if he's involved with someone or not, how can I find out without calling? I'm certainly not looking to interfere with any relationship he might have, but if he's single and willing to let me back into his life I'd hate to not take the chance. The rate I'm going I won't have the guts to pick up the phone anyway so this may all be for not anyway. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 I understand what you're saying, but if I can't tell if he's involved with someone or not, how can I find out without calling? I'm certainly not looking to interfere with any relationship he might have, but if he's single and willing to let me back into his life I'd hate to not take the chance. The rate I'm going I won't have the guts to pick up the phone anyway so this may all be for not anyway. I mean if you're just looking for friendship (right now) then what's the harm in reaching out to him? Like I said earlier, as long as you're not recruiting him for some job scam or need him to get a bank account with your bank so you can get 50 bucks or a toaster or something, he should be open to at least meeting up for lunch or coffee to catch up.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 27, 2013 Author Posted April 27, 2013 I mean if you're just looking for friendship (right now) then what's the harm in reaching out to him? Like I said earlier, as long as you're not recruiting him for some job scam or need him to get a bank account with your bank so you can get 50 bucks or a toaster or something, he should be open to at least meeting up for lunch or coffee to catch up. Hahaha... this makes me laugh. It's sad that there are people out there who are so opportunistic and able to take advantage of others like that. I am NOT one of those people. He has nothing that I want. Well... nothing but himself anyway... if he's even available!
carhill Posted April 27, 2013 Posted April 27, 2013 People are always available as friends should interests and personalities match up. 1
outsidethebox Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 well actually it's the SO that makes it messy. We have threads every once in awhile about SO being contacted by an old flame. Him telling SO she's just an old friend if she finds out about it is sort of standard procedure I would think. But like you say, you don't know and how would you find out without calling? That's why I suggested googling him. There are announcements such as god forbid a funeral where a person is listed with someone if married and the like. There are connection sites that show up with person and age and city(s) associated with, and will list names associated with person. If you know him you might know the name of a woman is his mother or sister or maybe you don't recognize it, but googling it you'd be able to determine it was his wife for example. Unmarried SO's just don't show up that way but would get bent out of shape no less. I don't know, if it would be a problem he probably wouldn't respond, so as long as you're not calling and a woman picks up why not?
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 People are always available as friends should interests and personalities match up. Normally I would agree with this, but our scenario is a bit different. Where I liked him, he liked me and asked me out, but I more or less shut the door in his face and kept it closed. We did hang out a bit after I rejected him, but it didn't feel the same. We never discussed or addressed the "elephant in the room". Looking back now I wish we had, but as I said before I was immature, young, and insecure back then (again, my fault not his). I just don't know how to start over again. If it's even possible to start over now that all this time has gone by.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 well actually it's the SO that makes it messy. We have threads every once in awhile about SO being contacted by an old flame. Him telling SO she's just an old friend if she finds out about it is sort of standard procedure I would think. But like you say, you don't know and how would you find out without calling? That's why I suggested googling him. There are announcements such as god forbid a funeral where a person is listed with someone if married and the like. There are connection sites that show up with person and age and city(s) associated with, and will list names associated with person. If you know him you might know the name of a woman is his mother or sister or maybe you don't recognize it, but googling it you'd be able to determine it was his wife for example. Unmarried SO's just don't show up that way but would get bent out of shape no less. I don't know, if it would be a problem he probably wouldn't respond, so as long as you're not calling and a woman picks up why not? I did Google him back when I started to think about him. I found his info (address and phone), but nothing about any relationships. The only female names I've found so far were his mother and his sister, both of which I knew. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to call him in the worse way, but I'm such a nervous nelly. I just have no idea what to say to him after all this time. This freakin social anxiety thing is a pain in the ass. It's prevented me from doing so many things that I've wanted to do. Also, I really don't want to open up a can of worms and ruin any relationship he might have going on. I have no intention of causing drama for him. I just want my friend back and if he's free and willing to give me a second chance at a relationship great, that would be a huge added bonus.
carhill Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Your contact won't 'ruin' a healthy relationship, if he has one. It'll be no different than any other contact from a long-lost person from the past, relevant to his current intimacy partner, if any. He's not going to be calling you out of the blue so, if you want to move on this, it's up to you. One way or another, resolving this will allow you to move forward. Right now it's clogging your path with debris. Clear the debris and move on. 1
outsidethebox Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 I did Google him back when I started to think about him. I found his info (address and phone), but nothing about any relationships. The only female names I've found so far were his mother and his sister, both of which I knew. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to call him in the worse way, but I'm such a nervous nelly. I just have no idea what to say to him after all this time. This freakin social anxiety thing is a pain in the ass. It's prevented me from doing so many things that I've wanted to do. Also, I really don't want to open up a can of worms and ruin any relationship he might have going on. I have no intention of causing drama for him. I just want my friend back and if he's free and willing to give me a second chance at a relationship great, that would be a huge added bonus. email is a lot easier. Call him and ask for his email address, tell him you're updating your address book with old friends. He will either be receptive and happy you called or tell you he'd rather not. Either way you've done what you could. Even though just asking for email address, talk as long as he's asking questions, etc. Be receptive to arranging further contact any way that comes up. It's not a big deal even though it seems that way. He is either interested or he isn't, if he isn't you'll probably kick yourself some more about past but you're making up for it now. That's a plus for you and him.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 I'm about 99% sure that he's not a computer person. I know when I hung out with him he wasn't into computers. It's just the type of person he is. I could certainly ask for his email, but I highly doubt he has one. Let's say I do work up the nerve to call him and he's single and does want to talk to me. Should I explain myself and why I rejected him during our conversation or should I see if he wants to meet up and explain face to face?
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