Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 If you asked a girl out over 10 years ago, was turned down, and ended up losing all contact with her, how would you feel / what would you do, if she reached out to out of the blue? That's the decision I'm faced with right now. I'm trying to decide if I should contact a guy who I liked a LONG time ago. He did ask me out, but I rejected him out of fear (my insecurities - nothing he did wrong). We haven't talked in years so I'm not sure how he'd take to that. I'm not sure if he's in a relationship now or not, but I'd kind of like to find out. I know that you can't answer how HE'D handle it, but what would YOU do/think? 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 If you asked a girl out over 10 years ago, was turned down, and ended up losing all contact with her, how would you feel / what would you do, if she reached out to out of the blue? That's the decision I'm faced with right now. I'm trying to decide if I should contact a guy who I liked a LONG time ago. He did ask me out, but I rejected him out of fear (my insecurities - nothing he did wrong). We haven't talked in years so I'm not sure how he'd take to that. I'm not sure if he's in a relationship now or not, but I'd kind of like to find out. I know that you can't answer how HE'D handle it, but what would YOU do/think? I doubt I would even remember the situation....and probably wouldn't remember the girl either.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 Oh, I'm pretty sure that he'd remember me. We were pretty good friends at the time, but our lives just took different paths and we lost touch with each other.
TouchedByViolet Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 There is no way to know what he will do based on other guy. You don't even know if he is single. A lot changes after 10 years too. If you are interested in him I would recommend contacted him in some way and just see if he even wants to have a conversation with you. You need to start at square one and make no assumptions. 1
outsidethebox Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Have you found him on FB to see what his status is?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Actually, I'd like to revamp my response. Who cares what he'll think of it? If you do it and he accepts, awesome. If not, nothing lost from your life. Go for it. 1
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 No. I've tried finding him on Facebook, but have come up empty handed. I do realize that I would be starting at square one. I know a lot of time has passed and he could be completely different now than he was then. I also know there's a chance I may not like who he is today. Likewise, I'm well aware he may not like who I am today. I just get nervous when I think of calling him up after all these years. I have social anxiety which is part of my problem.
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 If you asked a girl out over 10 years ago, was turned down, and ended up losing all contact with her, how would you feel / what would you do, if she reached out to out of the blue? That's the decision I'm faced with right now. I'm trying to decide if I should contact a guy who I liked a LONG time ago. He did ask me out, but I rejected him out of fear (my insecurities - nothing he did wrong). We haven't talked in years so I'm not sure how he'd take to that. I'm not sure if he's in a relationship now or not, but I'd kind of like to find out. I know that you can't answer how HE'D handle it, but what would YOU do/think? i would if i were you contact him see how he is going, if you truly liked him, then if you found out that he was happy and in a relationship i suggest you wish him the very best...that is what i would do..i would think most guys would find it flattering...not offensive...that you would remember them after a long time.....i have a guy i would love to get back in contact with after quite a few years the timing wasnt right before.....was just after my break up i was confused and a bit sick...i unfortunately cant remember his name......i dont have his phone number anymore so I cant...i sent a prayer out that he have happiness....he was a nice guy.......my memory is weird....i have had ect....so it makes me a little sad i cant remember his name one day it might come back.....but i move on.......and i hope he is happy.......i get worried when i go back onto dating sites that i have rejected some guy and he remembers me and i dont remember him and he might be holding a grudge....i do worry about that.....deb
StanMusial Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I had an old college acquaintance call me out of the blue several years ago. We worked together on several group projects over the course of two or three semesters. I was really surprised to hear from her. She told me "if you had made a move I would've jumped on it". Also really surprising to hear. At the time I had a gf and she had a fiance. But more than that I just never caught any sort of vibe from her. It was nice to hear and flattering. I think she saw my name in an alumni publication or something. 1
outsidethebox Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 No. I've tried finding him on Facebook, but have come up empty handed. I do realize that I would be starting at square one. I know a lot of time has passed and he could be completely different now than he was then. I also know there's a chance I may not like who he is today. Likewise, I'm well aware he may not like who I am today. I just get nervous when I think of calling him up after all these years. I have social anxiety which is part of my problem. Google his name and hometown. You're likely to see something that indicates his current situation. If you don't see him at all, he may not want to be found.
outsidethebox Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Is there a reason he may not like who you are today? Is that the cause of your anxiety? Or just general concern you're older, a little different, and just anxious about his reaction?
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 No specific reason to think he wouldn't like me now. I actually think I look better now than I did back then, but I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder so who knows. It's just that it's been such a long time. We've both experienced a lot of life since we last spoke so who knows what he's into these days. 1
carhill Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 If you were truly good friends and he developed a romantic attachment and you rejected him, IMO the emotional memory will be there; perhaps a relatively obscure one, but it'll be there. I used to think I was invisible but was surprised how many people I knew decades ago remembered me over time; shocked in some cases. I didn't even break any hearts. So, give yourself some credit for making an impression and contact him. As an anecdote, I contacted an old love that I said goodbye to a generation ago with nothing more than a BD card with my web site written in small print on the back of the card. My phone rang a week later. She had seen the writing and looked up my web site and got the phone number from it. The end result was we had a couple of good years of reconnection, though no relationship resulted. My point is that people can and do remember, so give it a try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck. 5
PogoStick Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Hell ya contact him. 10 years means anything can happen.
phineas Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I went out with a few women from highschool I hardly spoke to after meeting them at my 20yr reunion. nothing went anywhere but there was at least a little familiarity there. search facebook for his family also, I only got on fb because an old hs friend freinded my sister and asked about me.
grkBoy Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 If you asked a girl out over 10 years ago, was turned down, and ended up losing all contact with her, how would you feel / what would you do, if she reached out to out of the blue? That's the decision I'm faced with right now. I'm trying to decide if I should contact a guy who I liked a LONG time ago. He did ask me out, but I rejected him out of fear (my insecurities - nothing he did wrong). We haven't talked in years so I'm not sure how he'd take to that. I'm not sure if he's in a relationship now or not, but I'd kind of like to find out. I know that you can't answer how HE'D handle it, but what would YOU do/think? I'd judge it based on HOW she turned me down. For me the "how" screams a lot as to how much respect I'll give. If 10 years ago she simply and politely declined, told me she wasn't into me like that, some honest respectful answer, but now she's changed her mind/came around, then I might be open to trying again if I'm still into her. If back then she had handed me some flimsy answer, excuse you know is a lie, or even asked me to call her later that week and then never answered her phone or called me back (flaking out)...then I wouldn't bother. To me she lost my respect long ago, and I wouldn't be able to trust her. Regardless, it sounds like you blew it 10 years ago. I don't know if he'll still think of chancing things on you.
ja123 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Just reach out to him. Either way, you'll have an answer. Even if he says he's married or whatever, at least you'll be able to have some closure instead of wondering 'what if', and move on. Good luck!
Sith Apprentice Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I know that you can't answer how HE'D handle it, but what would YOU do/think? After 10 years I would have moved on to other women and forgotten all about you. If I were in his shoes I'd ignore you. That ship has sailed.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 I'd judge it based on HOW she turned me down. For me the "how" screams a lot as to how much respect I'll give. If 10 years ago she simply and politely declined, told me she wasn't into me like that, some honest respectful answer, but now she's changed her mind/came around, then I might be open to trying again if I'm still into her. If back then she had handed me some flimsy answer, excuse you know is a lie, or even asked me to call her later that week and then never answered her phone or called me back (flaking out)...then I wouldn't bother. To me she lost my respect long ago, and I wouldn't be able to trust her. Regardless, it sounds like you blew it 10 years ago. I don't know if he'll still think of chancing things on you. Well, I didn’t lie to him when he asked me, but I can totally see where my response may have come off as rude. He asked if I had been thinking of getting into a relationship with him and my response was “no, not really” and that's where we left things. In my defense though, I was very young (early teen) and even though I did have a crush on him and wanted to be with him, I was very insecure about myself and life in general. We did hang out several more times after that as friends and we got along great, but neither of us brought that up again. Looking back now I know I should’ve explained myself to him, but as I said I was young, insecure, and clearly inexperienced. Hindsight is 20/20 and I can’t rewrite the past. 1
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 After 10 years I would have moved on to other women and forgotten all about you. If I were in his shoes I'd ignore you. That ship has sailed. Wow... guess I should thank you for an honest answer even though it seems a bit harsh to me. If he's anything now like he was back then I don't think he's the type to ignore someone, but it's been years so who knows!
DaSkullCrusher Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I also would ignore you. I'm not trying to be offensive, but I would have forgotten about you and found someone looking for what I was looking for at the time. You being insecure then was not his problem, and you finding security now is of no concern to him. Best wishes.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 I also would ignore you. I'm not trying to be offensive, but I would have forgotten about you and found someone looking for what I was looking for at the time. You being insecure then was not his problem, and you finding security now is of no concern to him. Best wishes. I never said it was his problem nor did I say I'm tryiing to find security now. I'd be happy to have him back as a friend at this point.
DaSkullCrusher Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Why do you feel the need to contact him? I am just curious.
Author Hopeless80 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 Things recently happened in my life which made me think of him a lot. I'm not going into specifics, but I've just been thinking about how short life really is. I miss his company and would like to have him back in my life. I'm not going to lie and say I don't wonder "what if", but as I said, having him back as a friend would be a success too. 1
DaSkullCrusher Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 It wouldn't hurt to see how he is, but I wouldn't place too much value on his reaction. Ten years is a long time. It sounds like a great Hollywood movie. If you're coming from a place that expects you and him to be together, the odds aren't in your favor. If you really do want to be his friend there is no risk in trying. I personally would only do this if you wanted to be friends with no other expectations. Good luck.
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