b52srock Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Told my husband this morning that I'm calling an attorney. Shouldn't have been a surprise to him since we've been separated for six months, but it did put him in tears. If he would have put even the slightest amount of effort into trying to reconcile, to work through our problems I wouldn't feel like this is the only solution. He won't go back to counselling, avoids talking about anything other than the kids and finances, and is simply afraid/unwilling to talk about anything else. Even now, if he would just try, I would be willing to try to work things out. But I know his promises aren't worth a dime right now, so I truly feel like I can't trust him to follow through.
findinmyway Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Why did you separate in the first place?
Author b52srock Posted September 20, 2004 Author Posted September 20, 2004 He came home from being on the road one day and I told him I needed to know where he was, that I had to know at least which city he was going to be in so if something were to happen with the children or myself that I could get in touch with him or at least know how long it would take him to get home in an emergency. His response was that he'd been thinking about moving out for a while. After a couple of weeks of trying to get him to tell me the reason he'd been thinking about this, crying all the time, confused, etc., we finally came to the conclusion that it was for the best for the time being so as not to upset the kids. Tried counselling. He went twice and refused to go back. Since then he has avoided talking about anything other than the kids or finances, and tries to act as though there's nothing wrong. He spends very little time with his kids, calls them infrequently, and I know he is in town every single weekend. He has cut himself off from his family and friends. His only reason for leaving is saying he felt unloved. Love notes in his gym bag, trying to plan family time together and alone time for the two of us apparently doesn't count as love. And yes, if I sound bitter at this point its because the only conversations we've had of substance have been at my insistence.
findinmyway Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 It doesn't sound like you're looking for an answer, you've already made up your mind. I know it helps to talk about it. I feel for you as I am going hard times with my H. I want our family to stay in tact SO BAD. But, I'm afraid it is impossible and I'm trying to figure out what I can do to make the kids situation as good as possible. One piece of advice--as hurt as you are right now, try to contain your anger and be as honest as you can with him. If you really do want to try, make that clear. Tell him you love him and want to make things work, but that you cannot accept the way he is treating you or your RS. Put aside a little pride and don't leave any rock unturned. It may soften his heart a little and you guys may have a chance. If it doesn't make a difference, you will know that you went beyond your call of duty and can move on with self assurance.
Butchey Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 It is good that you are moving on. You have to take steps to make your life better. He will deal with his problems when it is his time. Too bad that most of us wise up only when it is too late. But someone has to take the first step and it looks like you are doing just that. Good luck.
Recommended Posts