Random81 Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Hey Everyone! This is my situation. I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now. And well lately we've been having these fights lately and they are always about the same thing. We have one communication problem. I am a very open person who says whats wrong right away. Like most of the time I do keep things inside almost always unless its a huge problem. She on the other hand keep things inside and if you ask her whats wrong she will say nothing, even though anyone could tell something is bothering her (ie mood changes, more irritable, gives off vibes of being mad) This sort of fight has been going on every once and awhile since weve been serious. It happened recently again, I had no idea what I did wrong, but she was in a very bad mood all the sudden and would not say why and then I left her place wished her a good day and said I love you, and she didnt say anything back except "yeah bye". Turns out later on she was mad because she was stressed out and had alot of things to do in the morning and she was mad at me because I didnt help her clean up her place. (which I normally do all the time, its just I had class to go to) So after I left I didnt know what was going on and assumed she was mad for no reason so I was kinda pissed off. I keep saying she should just tell me right away whats wrong so we can deal with it and move on and not drag it on. And I said the fact that she didnt say "I love you" hurt me. But shes not that type of person she says. That she doesnt communicate like that. And well I told her im willing to bend and maybe she can try to be a little more open and bend because we love eachother and relationships are all about compromise and its not always rainbows and love, am I right? But out of nowhere she then says maybe I should break up with her, and find someone better, someone that doesnt hurt me all the time, someone im more into!?!??! I love her and she says she loves me and that we are in love... I mean something as small as a communication problem.. don't you think we can work through that? I mean not every couple is perfect they have their differences and they do fight. And part of loving someone is accepting their differences and flaws right? It just seems like she would rather break things off than work through things??? We've talked many times about marriage and kids, and getting a place together very soon and starting a life... What do I do? Whats going on in her head? Please any advice is welcome!!!!!
Merin Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Hmmmm I think your girlfriend better be careful what she asks for, she just might get it. Obviously your girlfriend is having some issues, but I really think they go deeper than you didn't help her clean up before you left.... I don't know if she really means it when she says you should move on and find someone else or if this is just a game to get a reaction. None the less.... I would sit her down and tell her that you love her, you don't want to break up and you want to know what is bothering her. You cannot read her mind, and for real she shouldn't expect you too. One last thing to think about.... is it possible that you tell her A LOT that she is hurting you and not really making you very happy? I'm asking because of her statment that you should find someone who doesn't hurt you all the time? So keep in mind that the words you choose can often make someone else feel completley responsible for how YOU feel and that isn't fair.
Random81 Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Hey Merin Thanks for your response... And to your question... no I never tell her she hurts me, except when she does things like.. I would never not say "I love you" back to her even if I was mad at her for something. So when she acts like this and makes me feel like ive done something really wrong, when I haven't then I tell her that makes me feel like **** and it hurts me. And thats the only time I say it... And really I think i've only said it 3 times. And really it's not the fact that she didnt say "I love you", its the thought of her not loving me anymore that really hurts. And ofcourse that isnt the case because I know she loves me, so im being paranoid and I guess "hurt" isnt the word I should be using more just annoys/makes me feel bad when we have these fights.
ltomlinson81 Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 It doesn't sound like this is a good reason for a break-up. If she is pouting when she is mad and in a bad mood, just ask her what's wrong. It sounds like she is trying to get your attention. It sounds like maybe you just need to work on communicating and showing one another that you love each other.
SexualDeviant Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 I read this, and it's exactly like my life. with the whole girlfriend not being open//love dovey.. and i'd like to know what the hell should we do!!!!!!! there's no way to get through to these girls!
netrie Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 Do you think she might be afraid to show you her true feelings in case she might get judged or rejected? What was her relationship with her father like? her family? Good to know a bit about their backgrounds in order to fully understand why she reacts the way she does to intimacy and avoiding her feelings or vulnerability. FIND OUT
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