youaremysunshine Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Hi, I recently called it off with a boy I have been dating 4 months. Well Its not a hard and fast break up, rather I asked for space and sugested we see other people. I did this cause I could feel myself falling for this guy and I thought he wasn't doing the same. We didn't spend ALOT of time together because I'm in school but when we did I'd always do nice things for him like make us dinner or I would bring him a little present like a used book I think he would like (I work in a bookstore) I'd also compliment him on his appearance, I am sincerely very attacted to him although he is not conventionally handsome and is self conscious. He never made me feel like he cared or was attracted to me We both read a lot and are interested in philosophy and politics so we we discus ideas a lot but he always seemed to be my opponent, challenging me all the time. BUT When I decided we needed to see other people he said he thought we were PERFECT for eachother, that we are intellectual equals and he has learned so much from me. He also said engaging with eachother critically drives us to develop our ideas and is the greatest sign of care and respect we could show eachother. He also said he never dated a girl before and is unsure of how to express his affection. He wants to return the guestures of affection but he doesn't know how. As we were parting he said if I leave him he will surely die alone. I texted him a few days later asking how he was and he replied sad. He texted that he missed me a few days after that. I called it off because I didnt think he was that into me but I guess he did take me seriously... What should I do? I think I made a big mistake and want him back.
barky2 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Thank you for sharing your story. GO GET THE BOY!! Have a talk and let him know how you feel though. His insecurities is keeping him from showing you love. He wants to be with you, you want to be with him. Ask him to sit down and talk...figure the little differences out...and dammit kiss him! God I'm a sap. Keep us updated please! 1
Treasa Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Hi, I recently called it off with a boy I have been dating 4 months. Well Its not a hard and fast break up, rather I asked for space and sugested we see other people. I did this cause I could feel myself falling for this guy and I thought he wasn't doing the same. We didn't spend ALOT of time together because I'm in school but when we did I'd always do nice things for him like make us dinner or I would bring him a little present like a used book I think he would like (I work in a bookstore) I'd also compliment him on his appearance, I am sincerely very attacted to him although he is not conventionally handsome and is self conscious. He never made me feel like he cared or was attracted to me We both read a lot and are interested in philosophy and politics so we we discus ideas a lot but he always seemed to be my opponent, challenging me all the time. BUT When I decided we needed to see other people he said he thought we were PERFECT for eachother, that we are intellectual equals and he has learned so much from me. He also said engaging with eachother critically drives us to develop our ideas and is the greatest sign of care and respect we could show eachother. He also said he never dated a girl before and is unsure of how to express his affection. He wants to return the guestures of affection but he doesn't know how. As we were parting he said if I leave him he will surely die alone. I texted him a few days later asking how he was and he replied sad. He texted that he missed me a few days after that. I called it off because I didnt think he was that into me but I guess he did take me seriously... What should I do? I think I made a big mistake and want him back. He sounds selfish, argumentative, and melodramatic. Oh, and look, he wanted you back when he could no longer have you. Go ahead and give him another chance if you want. Just be careful. If this guy has the faintest idea that he can control you, it sounds like he will.
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 He IS very selfish, argumentative and melodramatic. I'm kind of charmed by it though. He writes novels and poetry and he's very into literature and philosophy so I can tell that's where he gets his melodramtic nature. I'm pretty argumentative too. I'm a feminist so I would say I have strong convictions and I'm constantly defending my beliefs and activism to folks so just don't get it. I'm not selfish though and I won't tolerate selfishness in him. I really hope we can work this out cause I really like him.
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 Also I can see he is very unsure of himself because this is his first relationship but it's making me insecure too and that's not cool
Reiko Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Some guys can be pretty thick and don't get it, but it sounds to me based on his actions at the end that he was aware that he wasn't reciprocating your affections and changed his attitude to suit the situation. That may sound harsh, but I'm not seeing any real signs of empathy from him here. You could try having a conversation with him about all of this but don't go into it with your eyes closed. 1
barky2 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 His faults mainly are based off of insecurities. Im telling you, if you want this guy you have him. Or the latter you let it go. Blah blah he's melodramatic, now you know how us men feel lol jkjk. I truly hope it works out for you 1
Reiko Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Being inexperienced doesn't give you a free pass to be inconsiderate; you don't need to be experienced to see that someone is doing something for you and you're not doing anything for them back. It sounds like he likes getting the attention, he likes the affection and he's happy to just get it without any effort. Being selfish in a relationship doesn't usually work out very well for the other person unless being taken advantage of is your thing. 2
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 I Know he's inconsiderate. That's why I broke up with him. But now I have a vague hope that he will realize he screwed up a good thing. I'm not going to jump back into his arms but if he is willing to put some effort into showing me how he feels I'd like to give it another try...
Minneloa Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I Know he's inconsiderate. That's why I broke up with him. But now I have a vague hope that he will realize he screwed up a good thing. I'm not going to jump back into his arms but if he is willing to put some effort into showing me how he feels I'd like to give it another try... Honestly, given what you have posted previously about this man and how frustrated and unappreciated you felt when you were together with him, I would advise you to have more than a "a vague hope" before you consider renewing the relationship.
Treasa Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 (edited) He IS very selfish, argumentative and melodramatic. I'm kind of charmed by it though. He writes novels and poetry and he's very into literature and philosophy so I can tell that's where he gets his melodramtic nature. I'm pretty argumentative too. I'm a feminist so I would say I have strong convictions and I'm constantly defending my beliefs and activism to folks so just don't get it. I'm not selfish though and I won't tolerate selfishness in him. I really hope we can work this out cause I really like him. I went back and re-read one of your threads. He likes to cross-dress. I don't care about that, but I need to tell you about my ex. He was into transgender porn. He wanted to know what it was like to be female and be with males. He never carried through with it, but he read and wrote those stories all the time. He was also arrogant, selfish, and melodramatic. It gets old REALLY FAST. I have very strong convictions, but having someone always challenging me isn't fun. In fact, it's ****ing annoying. It's not challenging. It's just disagreeing. My ex was a writer, too, and he was SO melodramatic. One time I went over to his house for dinner (he lived with his mom), and his mom offered me breadsticks. My ex stomped down to the dark basement and sat cross-legged on the floor, pouting over the fact that there might not be enough breadsticks. Melodrama is ugly. I shouldn't even have to get started on selfish. Please don't make the mistake I did. You're just being a doormat if you do, even though you may not think so. I lost six years of my life to my ex-narcissist. Edited April 24, 2013 by Treasa 1
Author youaremysunshine Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 Haha honestly the breadsticks thing sounds just like him. He's been through a lot of cruel and unusual things (family is in a cult) but he deffinately gets melodramtic. He asked to try on my clothes once while drunk, in a "rebellious" attempt to reject stereotypes. It never came up again so I'm not sure he crossdresses. I would be supportive if he wanted to experiment though. I'm pretty kinky and I like that he is too despite being a virgin when I met him and being idealogicaly opposed to porn (note:I am not) It does get old debating him all the time. Thankfully he is willing to accept when he is wrong and actually absorb new information and perspectives. Oh and get this, he thinks he's going to die alone not because he's incredibly difficult but because he is an "acquired taste that takes a rare sophisticated woman like (me) to appreciate"
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