Larry Walker Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Good one! Funny as well. Jerk game works. The problem with this thread is the man is acting like the woman, and the woman is acting like the man. Stop caring so much, be a jerk. if she doesn't like it, who cares? Ih, and don't you DARE send that horrible email. My god that was bad. you are being a woman. 1
Author targaryen Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Replying back and acting like a jerk might work with a girl who doesn't know me all that well or with whom I don't have history with. I have 5 years of history with this woman. If I suddenly and randomly start acting like a jerk I will come off as fake and forced. She knows me too well to fall for it. I don't like the 'acting like a woman' gender stereotypes but I do agree that I need to start taking a more dominant and leading role in my relationship with women. I tend to start off strong but as the years go by I surrender control. Anyway, I've thought hard about it and I cannot think of a single reply to the text that will achieve anything. I want to blow her off in a light hearted manner that communicates that I didn't mind either way about the coffee but really, the act of replying betrays that as a lie. Then again, NOT replying is telling her the same thing. Someone who doesn't care would have texted her back saying 'sure, no problem, i'll see you around' or something, no? I wish I knew what to do
Minneloa Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Anyway, I've thought hard about it and I cannot think of a single reply to the text that will achieve anything. I want to blow her off in a light hearted manner that communicates that I didn't mind either way about the coffee but really, the act of replying betrays that as a lie. Then again, NOT replying is telling her the same thing. Someone who doesn't care would have texted her back saying 'sure, no problem, i'll see you around' or something, no? I wish I knew what to do Targaryen, unfortunately you are right; there's nothing left to say or do in terms of your ex. The sooner you internalize this painful fact, the sooner you can shift your focus to healing from this setback. Otherwise, you will get stuck in a cycle of bitter self-recrimination and false hope that the "right" words or actions will change the situation. I've been there several times in my life, and it is a self-created hell. Again, I'm sorry that you are hurting. M.
KS11 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Why did your ex want to meet you for? She wanted "Friendship"??? And how did you guys end up back to NC after those meetings? Who initiated NC this time? Um we were supposed to go to a show she bought me tickets for, for xmas. I didn't go and she messaged me saying she thought it would have been there. To be honest I don't know why she wanted to meet, like I said to her, if it was the other way around and I had gone and she didn't turn up, I wouldn't have messaged her. Things are back to nc, because nothings changed. I haven't stopped loving her and its too difficult for me to be friends. It was just a mutual thing again really. An impossible situation whereby we both want to be in eachother's lives but it different capacities. To be honest its been kinda little contact for a couple of weeks, but thats down to me struggling to let go. just sucks.
Larry Walker Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Replying back and acting like a jerk might work with a girl who doesn't know me all that well or with whom I don't have history with. I have 5 years of history with this woman. If I suddenly and randomly start acting like a jerk I will come off as fake and forced. She knows me too well to fall for it. I don't like the 'acting like a woman' gender stereotypes but I do agree that I need to start taking a more dominant and leading role in my relationship with women. I tend to start off strong but as the years go by I surrender control. Anyway, I've thought hard about it and I cannot think of a single reply to the text that will achieve anything. I want to blow her off in a light hearted manner that communicates that I didn't mind either way about the coffee but really, the act of replying betrays that as a lie. Then again, NOT replying is telling her the same thing. Someone who doesn't care would have texted her back saying 'sure, no problem, i'll see you around' or something, no? I wish I knew what to do Send the "come on, when are you going to let me tap that again?" text... It's not THAT jerkish, she might find it funny. If she is offended, who cares. Women HATE all the emotional crap. I know you are feeling emotional but do not let her know.
Author targaryen Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Omg ...she just texted..its 2 am here so maybe it's a drunk text? I hadn't text her back yet....advice on what to do?? remember she left me not the other way round!!! "I was doing well, barely thinking about you, why did you have to call me? let me get over you. please"
Larry Walker Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Omg ...she just texted..its 2 am here so maybe it's a drunk text? I hadn't text her back yet....advice on what to do?? remember she left me not the other way round!!! "I was doing well, barely thinking about you, why did you have to call me? let me get over you. please" No no no.. you are showing too much emotion, you just don't get it man.
Larry Walker Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Never mind, I thought you sent that text. Now is a perfect time to use my text.
iouaname Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 "I was doing well, barely thinking about you, why did you have to call me? let me get over you. please" If she sent that to you then the only thing you should do is not respond. My ex and I continually disrespected each other's wishes to be left alone. I told him not to contact me, and he wouldn't leave me alone, and then soon after the roles were reversed. This is the worst kind of thing that can happen, when one asks for space the best thing to do is just to give it and not struggle for power and try to figure out how to settle the situation. 2
Author targaryen Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Thank you, iouaname, that's exactly what I'll do. Honour her wishes. Not ask her when I'll tap that. As if it's gonna matter
Larry Walker Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Thank you, iouaname, that's exactly what I'll do. Honour her wishes. Not ask her when I'll tap that. As if it's gonna matter As long as she is contacting you, and answering the phone, there is a good chance you could still tap that. If you play the cards right. Do you even want to tap that again?
Author targaryen Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 sent your message on friday evening (i was out and got a bit drunk).no reply two days later. now i regret taking advice from internet strangers. 1
Am4Real Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Yes that was silly and very inappropriate. For the record: plenty of INTERNET STRANGERS told you so...only one was suggesting you send the "jerk" text. Never make a decision "drunk" and certainly if you don't have the nerve when you're sober, feeling up to it when "you're drunk" should be the clue. Silly, silly... sent your message on friday evening (i was out and got a bit drunk).no reply two days later. now i regret taking advice from internet strangers.
whichwayisup Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Surpsingly she texted an hour later...saying 'we should leave that coffee. it will just make it harder to keep going. stay strong'. so that's it. i threw away 82 days of no contact for this. no, you didn't throw away 82 days of nc. This bit of contact after so long and her response back to you is final so take that as a real goodbye and go nc forever. Really grieve the loss. Let go and rely on your friends to keep you busy. Vent here often.. Look at it as a positive instead of a negative. Don't beat yourself up. You reached out, she closed the door. I know it hurts like hell, but on some level breaking contact just showed you reality and now it's up to you to get living and close that door forever too!
whichwayisup Posted April 28, 2013 Posted April 28, 2013 Thank you, iouaname, that's exactly what I'll do. Honour her wishes. Not ask her when I'll tap that. As if it's gonna matter Okay, just read on a bit, I see there was a bit more contact. You both are hurting and both need NC to grieve the loss and let your hearts heal. My advice though above still stands - Close the door. You can do this! Well, you have no choice now but to go on without her.
Author targaryen Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I think you're right. Everyone who replied telling me that breaking NC is not the end of the world. It was a good thing to happen. I 've been feeling a sense of acceptance I haven't felt in a long time since I broke NC and she rebuffed me ... so I'm looking at this whole thing more postiviely now
eachcomingnight Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Hey I just did it too (yesterday) so wanted to write back in support! I did think it through quite a bit beforehand and I think I played my cards well. I'm feeling ok. At the same time I know it's probably not best for my "moving on" - and that's because there's a huge part of me that isn't quite ready to give up hope yet. However, make sure that you don't get too carried away with beating yourself up, especially not because of what other people think. It's fine to feel a little disappointed but remember that NC is a made-up tool we use to help us. It's not a measure of our worth or our success. 1
Larry Walker Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 sent your message on friday evening (i was out and got a bit drunk).no reply two days later. now i regret taking advice from internet strangers. Who cares if she didn't reply? At least you still have your dignity. If you sent that long winded email, she wouldn't have replied either. Then you wouldn't even have the dignity. 1
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