FlyerFan54 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 You know what's great about this place? Absolutely none of you know who I am. Seriously, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Think about it, I'm a random guy on a message board, and you don't know anything outside of what I type. You don't know my personality or how I carry myself around others. You have to rely on a story by words. You see the situation as a whole, and give your input. There's no personal bias whatsoever. I love it! I've been back in the dating game for about a year and a half now, and I've had some growing pains. I have no problems at all with being able to get a number and then a date, my outgoing, care-free personality really helps with that. It's also rare that I do not get a second date. What I do have trouble with, is what to do after those dates. I have a tendency to over-think things, a lot. The way my mind works is that I analyze every situation and break it down, no matter how simple. I don't have closure until I find an answer. It's just part of who I am. With women, this has worked against me as far as I can remember. The KISS method does not apply. And after a few days really reading into this site, I think I am beginning to figure it all out. Just by reading new perspectives and giving thoughts on certain situations, it's made it a lot easier for me to see things as they are, without needing to think so much. When other people explain their situations, it actually makes mine much clearer. As most of you have probably read, I came on too strong with someone, and now I am giving them plenty of space. We haven't spoken since Sunday afternoon. Granted it's only been three days, but it's the longest we've gone without talking since we met. I orginally was up in arms of how we went from texting everyday to suddenly nothing at all. I told a female friend of mine of the situation, and she reiterated basically everything I was told on here, before I even posted. She said that I should just cut off contact completely and let her reach out to me. I agreed, and haven't reached out to her since. I was a little hesistant at first, because I didn't know if it would work. Now, I really don't care. If this site has taught me anything, it's to see certain situations for as they are and move on if necessary. While I am not moving on quite yet, I do see that there isn't anything more to the fact that she hasn't contacted me...besides the fact she hasn't contacted me. She has a life, and there's no reason she needs to contact me if she has nothing to say. Not to mention, neither of us have any reason to justify everything we do. Nothing attributed more to this than last night. I was at the gym, and my roommate asked if I had heard from her (He's dating her roommate). I told him no because I'm giving her space. He had noticed she had checked in somewhere on FB, and he said if she has time to go to this place...she can take 5 seconds out of her day than to say hi. It really got under his skin that she says she's "been busy" and hasn't talked to me. He thought there was no excuse. If this had happened last week, I would have probably agreed with him. However, after taking things into perspective...I realized how wrong he was to think like that. I told him that she's got her own life, and she'll talk to me when she wants to. Since I came on too strong, the best thing I can do is take a step back. I went home and explained to him that by taking a step back, she may start to wonder why I haven't reached out. Although I hate games, not texting, calling, or even liking anything on Facebook...is the only way to do this right now. When she's ready to talk, she will reach out. She has before, and will do it again. She knows I'm interested, but now the ball is in her court. Aftwards, I was actually impressed by the way my thought process worked. I've learned more over the past few days than I have in the year and a half I've been dating. By just seeing things the way they are, it makes everything so much less stressful. Although not every situation is going to be the same...it's a start. I'll see her this weekend, and all I need to do is just be myself. There won't be any awkwardness on my end. As far as I'm concerned, there's no reason to be. So I want to thank everyone, I can't thank you enough for making me start to understand all this stuff. 1
Author FlyerFan54 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 And as a side note: If anybody has anything to say about how I am handling this situation (Good or Bad), please let me know. I will never turn away feedback or suggestions.
PogoStick Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 In the end there is no other way to handle it. You can't force people to be interested in you. Some may give in to extreme pressure but you still wouldn't be happy when they do. By giving them a chance to do some of the work you insure that there is at least genuine interest on their part.
Treasa Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I think you're doing fine, assuming you understand that she may truly not be interested in you and may not come back.
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