izzybelle Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 chloe - yeah.. i worry about that too. sex with my h was about as boring as it could get to the point where i assumed there was something wrong with me. nope. probably wasn't him either... most likely was just "us." sex with the first mm i was involved with was incredible the first time and not so good the rest of the time..... so i'll have to say that if it was just the excitement of the affair i think it would have lasted more than one time. with my 2nd MM it was him. i really don't think it was all just the excitement, i really believe it was him, or more importantly us together so i have a LOT of hope that i'll find that with someone else. we just clicked. as he said to me it was incredible how well we fit together on every level possible. right now it's so difficult to imagine being with someone else. as stupid as it sounds and i said something to him about it at one point, that because my heart still belongs to him i'd feel like i was cheating on him. and that's what i need to get past. kind of ironic that i wouldn't want to cheat on someone who was already cheating on someone!!!! i still want to be friends but i don't know. there are times when i'm so, so angry with him and i know i need to deal with that too, before we could even entertain the idea of friendship.
Author fanou22 Posted September 23, 2004 Author Posted September 23, 2004 I think I need to clear myself up with what I mean by "Friendship". A better suited word would be "Acquaintances". I understand everybody's point of view. Believe me when I say that I am not going back to such a roller coaster. The majority of you know through my posts. Believe it when I say that I train myself to be emotionally detached. I have been doing the "detachment" thing ever since I was a child. What I failed to consider is his inability to move on. I am noticing that through his e-mails (There has been other e-mails). And yes, I am going to have to go NC soon to allow him to move on.
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