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One double standard I do believe in: its worse for a guy to have female friends

pbjbear

By pbjbear
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

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Because alot of guys befriend women they find attractive while women befriend men for other qualities (have had countless men tell me on this site they befriend girls they find attractive), I tend to think men that have close female friends while in a relationship are worse than women who have close male friends while in a relationship. I will admit guys that have alot of female friends that I have dated, it did bother me. Because I know he would sex up alot of them if he had the chance or thinks about it, while I dont do the same with my male friends.

 

So I guess this is one double standard I do kind of buy (though I dont follow it in dating actions-wise, I just think it in my head since its not fair for me to have male friends and to expect guys to not have female friends) but I do think men with close female friends are less trustworthy than females with vice versa in most cases.

 

Most guys would gladly screw their female friends while fewer women would want to do the same. I dont have any female friends that are harboring such wishes for their male friends.

 

Im expecting alot of negative comments to this so carry on.

Edited by pbjbear
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pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

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Really lady? You are still here in your battle against men ....

So Men only befriend women for sexual attraction and women befriend men for other reasons? Well that double standard works again itself because then every man should be worry their girlfriend has men as friends because as per your theory... the friends of those girlfriends will always be men who are sexually attracted to them...

 

Just a very silly theory if you allow me!

 

 

I agree 100%. Most girls' guy friends prob are attracted to them. Since guys befriend women they find attractive. Alot of male behavior is centered around sex and attraction towards women.

 

However, that doesnt mean these girls want to sleep with them. Who is worse, the taken-female who has a guy friend whom they arent attracted to, or the taken-male who is attracted to their female friend?

 

In other words,

is it worse for me to have a male friend whom I dont find sexually attractive when I am dating?

or is it worse for a guy Im dating to have a female friend he would screw?

Edited by pbjbear
light2 Member

light2

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So basically all your male friends want to screw you because they only befriended you cause they were attracted to you.

 

So now your bf knows that all your friends want to screw you , is that fair to him that you basically can choose to cheat at any given moment?

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pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

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So basically all your male friends want to screw you because they only befriended you cause they were attracted to you.

 

So now your bf knows that all your friends want to screw you , is that fair to him that you basically can choose to cheat at any given moment?

 

But alot of women arent attracted to their male friends. You all are conveniently missing this.

 

Im sure there are some women who would cheat, but alot of women arent attracted to their male friends "that way" At least me and my female friends arent. But according to men, they befriend those they are sexually attracted to. So thus, though I have male friends I dont like that way, they all must like me that way. So which is worse? Is it worse for me to have male friends, whom I dont like sexually, or is it worse for my male friends to be friends with me, while being in a relationship, when they are attracted to me?

Edited by pbjbear
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pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

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Both are wrong... I don't know how you can't now see that... it is simple mathematics... would you like your boyfriend to have a girlfriend who wants to sleep with him (even if he doesn't feel attracted to her? (lets call it an exception to the rule, rule that I don't share by the way...)

 

In my books the time to have male friends (if ever) for a girl is in her single periods... but don't get me wrong, I feel exactly the same way for guys with female friends... Both are just a risk... and is one risk I am not willing to take!

 

This is an abstract/hypothetical post.

 

Quite frankly animallover I meet very few men who have your sensitivity and respect towards women and your morals, so I was hoping some of the other less-respectful men would reply.

 

Specifically the ones who insist to me that men only befriend women they find attractive while women dont do the same, then they say all women with male friends are evil in the next sentence...which doesnt make sense since they insist alot of women arent into their male friends sexually and friendzone them, but guys are into them sexually, so which is worse? I think having a friend you are attracted to while dating is worse personally. Just because I have a male friend that fancies me whom I dont like "that way" doesnt mean I will all of a sudden be sexually interested. I honestly dont have any male friends Im interested in that way.

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pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

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Yeah I just saw you bashed me for no reason in the other thread.

 

I take back what I said about you being nice. No thanks.

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pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

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I didn't bashed you and I don't dislike you at all... even when you can consider me nice or not...

 

I do think you have a strong hate for men in general that will prevent you to enjoy life and be happy... and is very sad... you look like you have a lot to give!

 

Nope. I have never been accused of that in real life. Your insults saying Im unhappy and so very sad dont affect me because I know I am neither one of those things. I get called the opposite in real life.

 

I come to this site because I enjoy reading peoples stories and situations and I think forums like this you can see how people think when they describe their dating situations.

 

Just because I started this thread over a simply observation doesnt mean I am a manhater.

 

I am genuinely curious why guys say they befriend women they think are attractive and then tell me why its worse for a female to have male friends?

 

I dont think this site is geared towards people like me. Who are just interested in human behavior and such and like to have random discussions about random human behavior.

 

Nowhere in the original thread did I say anything about myself. This isnt out of personal motivation. This thread was directly related to what several men on this site stated and how I find it contradictory and weird. That is all.

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pbjbear Established Member

pbjbear

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I didn't pretend to insult you at all when I said hating men would make you unhappy it is because I really believe in the future if you do not change that pattern it will hurt you! I wish you could see your posts with my eyes... just look to the last two posts... they are both an attack against men behavior.... a behavior by the way that is not real... You can generalize about a gender (around 4.5 Billion of people) and say how they are all in one or other way... I hope you can see how that is really not possible!

 

I dont need to change a pattern. Sorry, but I treat the men in my life with respect and when they treat me badly I walk away. That is how I roll.

 

Im done posting at this site. For now on Ill read peoples stuff but not respond. Like I said, people here cannot post something about human behavior without people attacking you. Ill find another site that is perhaps more abstract and intellectually based.

 

You are still insulting me...I said this thread was in response to what men on this site tell me. Not to every single man on the planet. If I really thought that I wouldnt have called you respectful.

light2 Member

light2

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But alot of women arent attracted to their male friends. You all are conveniently missing this.

 

Im sure there are some women who would cheat, but alot of women arent attracted to their male friends "that way" At least me and my female friends arent. But according to men, they befriend those they are sexually attracted to. So thus, though I have male friends I dont like that way, they all must like me that way. So which is worse? Is it worse for me to have male friends, whom I dont like sexually, or is it worse for my male friends to be friends with me, while being in a relationship, when they are attracted to me?

 

But what about the case of u were befriended cuz they were attracted to u and u accepted the friendship cuz u were attracted to them also? Are u saying once girls are in relationships they stop friending males they are attracted to ?

melodymatters Established Member

melodymatters

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I don't know or have any preconceived notions about anyone in this thread. I also adore men and am far from a man hater, but I must say in this case :

 

OP, I AGREE ! 100%

 

This is just one of those things, like we women have to accept that men like porn, or boobs, and like to look at them and it means nothing in terms of their love for us. Ok, I've accepted it, it rings true, may not like it, but Ok.

 

The OP's statement is just one of those " wish it wasn't the case, but is true in GENERAL".

 

Like the OP, NONE of my female friends have any desire to have sex with their male friends. In fact if I DID find myself attracted to a male friend, I probably would ONLY hang out with him if my husband was present. Not because I don't trust myself, but we are animals people, we sense things, we smell attraction...

 

MOST of the males I know, started friendships or continued them because they were attracted to the woman at one time. They are NOT calling the 400 lb Melissa Mcarthy type to meet them and their buddies for drinks. Me, a slender attractive blonde,am invited LOTS of places.

 

When I got married, suddenly a lot of my male friends " disappeared", and it wasn't me who wanted to change things.:rolleyes:

 

As a miniature example that I just pointed out to my H last night ( with whom I have a wonderful R and trust 110%) when he gets FB requests from people he doesn't know, he only writes back a quick " How do we know each other ?" message before accepting or declining to WOMEN. I don't think he's "shopping", ( in that case it would be for a coffin:p) but his curiosity level is only even slightly piqued if she happens to be an attractive woman, not some butt ugly guy ! lol

 

It's MOSTLY true, and because A) I know men usually only hang out with women they find attractive and B) my HUSBAND knows the same thing, so knows that these "guy friends" would be in my pants one second after I asked, we BOTH agree that one on one meetings with friends of the oposite sex are no-no's.

 

Carry on folks :D

noble Member

noble

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so ugly or unattractive women have no male friends?

this is so stupid. you just cant generalize everything like that. human behavior is more complex than some stupid assumption.

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Radu Established Member

Radu

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Most guys would gladly screw their female friends while fewer women would want to do the same. I dont have any female friends that are harboring such wishes for their male friends.

 

Im expecting alot of negative comments to this so carry on.

 

While i did notice that you said 'most' and not 'all', i have to say that i wouldn't.

 

Most of my friends are female, none of them are BFF's or anything of the kind, but i prefer to have female friends as opposed to male friends.

I don't have that many male interests.

 

And i deffinitely would not sleep with my female friends because then you can't be friends anymore [did it once, never again even though it was quite a fun relationship].

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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All of your posts I have read are very bitter.

funny, I thought the same about yours....

Aw, this is like a classic "meet-cute" from a romantic comedy. Maybe you two should go have a coffee date and see what else you have in common!

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
Because alot of guys befriend women they find attractive while women befriend men for other qualities (have had countless men tell me on this site they befriend girls they find attractive), I tend to think men that have close female friends while in a relationship are worse than women who have close male friends while in a relationship. I will admit guys that have alot of female friends that I have dated, it did bother me. Because I know he would sex up alot of them if he had the chance or thinks about it, while I dont do the same with my male friends.

 

So I guess this is one double standard I do kind of buy (though I dont follow it in dating actions-wise, I just think it in my head since its not fair for me to have male friends and to expect guys to not have female friends) but I do think men with close female friends are less trustworthy than females with vice versa in most cases.

 

Most guys would gladly screw their female friends while fewer women would want to do the same. I dont have any female friends that are harboring such wishes for their male friends.

 

Im expecting alot of negative comments to this so carry on.

 

this post was simple until i read animal lovers post and got caught up in the complexity of it.......

 

 

so a female has a male friend....she isnt attacted to him........but that male friend is attracted to her ...how i look at it it doesnt matter who is attracted to who as long as it is never acted upon.......a bit of self control maybe....and wherever there is male female friendships the probability is pretty high there is sexual attraction in one form or another...doesnt mean it needs to be acted upon...mature adults with a sense of self respect wouldnt act on it while having a boyfriend or a girlfriend....and i dont fit the profile anyway...i am friends with a guy whom i find attractive......he doesnt feel the same way about me..................deb

venusianx13 Established Member

venusianx13

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I had never really analyzed it before now, but most (and by most, I mean 9 out of 10) male friends I have accumulated over the years have, at least at one point, wanted to date me. I am a nice person, and see their good qualities, but I wasn't interested in dating them...so, I kept them as friends to this day. When I was single, I would certainly hang out with them on my own, but now that I've been in a relationship for a year, I won't do that, simply out of respect from my end, and also because I know that some of these guys still crush on me. I do know that platonic male/female relationship can and do exist, I just haven't had much experience with them. I wish I did.

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drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

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...

I do know that platonic male/female relationship can and do exist, I just haven't had much experience with them. I wish I did.

 

I don't know of a single true platonic male/female relationship if the male is heterosexual. I don't think it's possible, and I'll take the flack for saying it. Guys want to have sex with every hot women they look at and certainly every woman they bother to spend time with. Most guys in a relationship will not act on their animal urges, but those urges are there.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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It is all about the respect for the person you are in a relationship with... I would not feel comfortable with my girlfriend having a male friend I know has an attraction on her... actually I don't even think you can call that a friendship if one of the two persons is not actually looking for friendship but for more...

You can say my girlfriend may never act in a wrong way with that guy and I should trust her... but why would she do something I may feel uncomfortable with? I have read so many posts in the infidelity and the cheating and jealousy part of this forum from people who trusted their partners and... ups!

Trust is good but people should be wiser than putting themselves in risk situations...

I am sorry but you can't act as a single person when you are in a relationship... the game's rules change... and one of the first rules is that you don't go in 1 to 1 set up with other men than your boyfriend ... even when he is "just" your friend!

 

 

if i was in a relationship..if male friends tried to crack on with me i would let them know i was faithful and if they couldnt respect that fact the friendship would end......i would always choose a partner over a male friend and have done so....if my partner was uncomfortable with a friendship ...i would consider forgoing it...if it came down to a choice.....my partner would always come first, no guy to this date I have been in a relationship with has made me choose....because they have trusted me...i have made the choice myself to let friendships go.....deb

Pistol pete Member

Pistol pete

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I would have to agree with this.

 

It's the main reason why I don't tend to have female friends, the ones that I have, I have zero interest in them sexually or relationship wise.

 

It's the sort of thing you notice more in school or in the office... the pretty girls have a lot of men who act all friendly with her, wanting to go for lunch etc 'just as friends'. These 'friends' usually then disappear if they find out that the girl has a bf, or sometimes they still continue with it.

Els Established Member

Els

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Specifically the ones who insist to me that men only befriend women they find attractive while women dont do the same, then they say all women with male friends are evil in the next sentence

 

Don't you realize you are doing the exact same thing here? :confused:

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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I have female friends but I admit they are all women who I know nothing would ever happen even if I were single. One of them is a lesbian. I hate this idea that men can't deal with women in a friendship or business situation without doing anything. He aren't beasts incapable of self control.

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ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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Most guys would gladly screw their female friends

 

Im expecting alot of negative comments to this so carry on.

 

I wonder why?

 

Let me know if that man-hating attitude of yours ever lets you succeed. I like being surprised.

man_in_the_box Established Member

man_in_the_box

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What about gays and lesbians? Gay men cannot have same-sex friends whatsoever?

 

What about attractive opposite-sex friends of your partner? Should women dump all their more attractive friends because her boyfriend might find them attractive? This is much more complicated and diverse than what the original post claims to be.

venusianx13 Established Member

venusianx13

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I did have one gay friend throughout high school and into my 20's - he went into show biz in Vegas and we've lost touch for the most part. My boyfriend has a female friend who is a lesbian. I don't worry about them hanging out, obviously, but there is a female in his social circle who is very flirtatious with all of the men in the group, and while my boyfriend did not respond in kind to her (I was there to witness), it made me feel really uncomfortable. She's not a bad looking girl, but I trust my bf and know he's not into her "like that", but apparently she doesn't understand the concept of boundaries or respect. :mad: There simply are bothwomen AND men who behave this way. It's not static across the board, though.

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