2sure Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Tell him that you know he needed the money and that you helped him out, But that given the circumstances and his indecision ....that it's more important to you to be loved and wanted than needed. Wish him your best and tell him you will possibly stay in touch in the future, but not right now. Tell him to keep the money if he needs it, but you need your bank card back right now. You've been pulling at this band aid for quite some time.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 I would pay $100 to be rid of this douchebag. ^^^^^^^ THIS!!!!! Treasa - 1
Author Devastated77 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 I am not seeing him anymore, the last time was Monday and we didn't have sex, I tried to talk, didn't work, I left. I suppose I never saw it as him not participating because it's all still so raw and fresh and I am in the "I miss him so much" mode. I am actually getting counselling, have been for some time, but am now about to start with a new counsellor as my old one left work Which sucks because I have to start all over again! I know I have the choice to make, and as of right this moment I am trying with my all might to accept this as completely over. Yes I suggested the month but for all extents and purposes it looks like he doesn't really care or want to do that. I know what I am saying and my indecision seems frustrating to you all, but please try to bear in mind the official break only happened Monday...then the text from him yesterday about money...so I am very mixed up and hurting and confused and upset at the moment
2sunny Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 You should NEVER need to beg a man to be with you. Since he's unsure - you will only look weak and desperate by waiting around for him to "decide" if he intends to stay or go. He sucks! And you should tell him he sucks!
Author Devastated77 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 lol...how do I tell him he sucks when we are in NC?? I did tell him he sucked last sunday and it blew up into a huge fight! I really don't want to go through all of that again
2sunny Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Who are you fooling? Evidently nc doesn't apply when he's helping himself to your money. Change banks. That way he won't have access to your money. No need to tell him anything - just never see him again- don't respond to him at all. In fact block him after changing to locks on your house.
Author Devastated77 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 I think I might just cancel the card instead of change banks. You're right about NC apparently not applying when it comes to my money. We still have things under each other's names though but he refuses to talk to me to sort that stuff out so I don't really have a choice there either. I wish he hadn't said he doesn't want to give up on us!!! If he hadn't said that the hope would have at least faded a bit...f***...how did I end up in such a mess!???!
CC12 Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 It was me who suggested the month thing...I'm currently stuck between waiting the month out or just flat out asking him if he wants to wait the month or not. I don't want to waste a month thinking something may come of it if it never will. I think you're too anxious for an answer right away. You think waiting a month is going to be a waste of time, and it will be, if you just wait around for a month, running out the clock. Don't simply treat this as a time-out. You should spend the next month moving on, just like you would if this were a "for real" breakup. Work on yourself, pick up some new hobbies, reconnect with old friends, meet new people, etc. Who knows, you might find that in a month, you'll be enjoying your single life so much you won't even want him anymore. And if you do still want to be with him, hopefully you'll keep up with all the positive changes you've made for yourself and be an overall happier person for it. Forgot to add: Cancel your bank cards. He doesn't need to have access to your money anymore. Especially if he doesn't bother asking first. That's a dangerous path. 1
2sunny Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 You're listening to him instead of paying attention to his actions. He's not in the relationship. Untangle yourself from everything to do with him. He's not making you his priority at all. If I can untangle 23 years with a man - so can you. It took me 3 days to close down everything we had together - except selling property took longer, but I changed the locks so I felt safe at home. And since he sees you as money or sex - you haven't had high enough standards for yourself. You can work on changing that for yourself - and I hope you will. Never settle! You deserve better than what he's offered you. 1
Author Devastated77 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 2sunny, can I ask how long it was before you started to feel even a bit better? Long term relationships like ours I think are so much harder, because they come a part of your entire life...I know it's early days for me, but I need to know that I WILL eventually feel better Also, I can't untangle anything right now if he won't bloody talk to me! I will have to give it a few weeks and try again, I suppose.
2sunny Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 (edited) 2sunny, can I ask how long it was before you started to feel even a bit better? Long term relationships like ours I think are so much harder, because they come a part of your entire life...I know it's early days for me, but I need to know that I WILL eventually feel better Also, I can't untangle anything right now if he won't bloody talk to me! I will have to give it a few weeks and try again, I suppose. I made sure I untangled myself from him immediately! Ey do you need to "talk to him" to close out every single thing you both have TOGETHER? Just call every solicitor and close them. If property is owned together - put it on the market at a bargain price! IF you want to be free from you - you would take the steps to MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS NOW. NOTHING was gonna stand in my way once I decided it was over. It took me some time to recover from the emotional betrayal of the scenario - but I was determined to to ever be at the mercy of any man ever again. I wanted and needed to learn how to stop accepting unacceptable behavior from many. I became willing to do anything to feel happy and free! Edited April 26, 2013 by 2sunny
Author Devastated77 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 The things we have together don't require solicitors...my phone is under his name, his health insurance under mine, etc. And he does some work for me occasionally. How can I stay NC when we have these things to sort out? And when the hell will I start to FEEL BETTER??! I tell myself every day he doesn't care anymore...his life is better...he doesn't want to be with me...but it doesn't bloody help!
2sunny Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Go get a phone in your name. Cancel him on your insurance. And find someone new to do the work he usually does . Then send him a text on the old phone telling him you don't need his phone plan anymore and his insurance is canceled. Don't give him your new phone number.
Author Devastated77 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 How stupid that I hadn't actually thought of doing that?? Although he is under contract with my phone so I guess I'll have to pay that out to be fair.
2sunny Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Honey, men who care about you don't stay away and absent.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Not in a few days... It takes months and it's a slow process, but it's worth it. Be patient and cancel that card immediately.
Author Devastated77 Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Every time I think that this will take months, it makes me feel even worse...the thought of feeling this way for that long literally drives me crazy I know he doesn't care...I'm trying so hard to keep telling myself that. I know he won't contact me unless it's business stuff. I know he didn't want the month to think then meet up. All he sees are the fights and the lead up...he won't see the good times we had...he just forces himself to dwell on the bad. I think if I were to see him on the street, I'd genuinely panic.
2sunny Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 (edited) Realistically - if a man your with needs to borrow money ---> he doesn't have his own. And if he does not have it - he's not likely to take you out to dinner - the movie - or on a vacation! There are many men out there that will be a partner to you - and show you a great time! But not as long as you're stuck and focused on this guy mooching off you! Edited April 26, 2013 by 2sunny
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