swiftly333 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Here I was, trying to work on reconciling. Spending all this energy on balancing between giving him his space yet trying to stay in contact and remind him of good time -- all those things that are supposed to help you reconcile with your ex. then, come to find out that after blocking me, my family, but failing to block 1 coworker, this whole time that he has been responding to me, and giving me just enough shred of hope to hold on, he's been seemingly having a relationship with a new women. She starts posting on his wall only 10 days after I broke up with him (hmmm.....) and there are posts where they are doing things together several times a week, obviously and openly flirting with each other on FB for the world to see... I feel like a dumbass. I feel like I've been betrayed. I dont know what I am supposed to do with this information now. All this work. All his talk about how I broke his heart and how he doesnt think he can put himself out there for any women, let alone the one that broke his heart. All this about how he still has feelings for me, but that he's reluctant, that we can keep in contact but that we need to take baby steps. It's all BS. Here I was so worried that he would treat our communications as "breadcrumbs" but that's what he's doing to me! I feel like I got played! IM SO ANGRY AND SAD RIGHT NOW! I am devastated. I am at a loss for words. I dont know what to do.
iouaname Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I'm sorry At the least, this should give you the motivation to block him and stop focusing on reconciliation! 1
Author swiftly333 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 I'm sorry At the least, this should give you the motivation to block him and stop focusing on reconciliation! God I really hope I can get there soon! I am so mad, but I still find myself doing crazy things in my mind to make excuses, or justify, or give him the benefit of the doubt. But this brain of mine knows that will not serve me well at all.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Yup...that. Also, that's why I quit Facebook. It's the devil!!!
Author swiftly333 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 God. I know! I remembered that this is why I dont really do much of the whole FB thing. I keep it pretty superficial. Also, wow. How immature and dumb is he to allow this to be on his FB? Wouldn't a grown man have the decency to keep his dating private at least for a minuet. sheesh.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 You know that button that allows you to deactivate your account? I suggest you do it right now. I do not know your entire backstory, but breakups are generally another scenario of power-play. The thing is right now, because he has a new girl in his life, your ex is in an advantageous position to not grieve over the lost of the relationship he had with you. He's like a kid who just got a new toy on his birthday, and thus is throwing his Legos away. I know it's cruel to compare you to an old Lego set, but if you have any self-respect for yourself, you should realize that your ex is not worthy of you to spend your precious time on. If time is a commodity, then you are certainly better thinking about how you can move on from this and become a stronger woman in the process. Take this as a lesson, if a guy doesn't want you, there's still another 6,999,999,999 people on this planet for you to start a better relationship with ( you may have to divide that by 2, since half are female ). But case in point, you are a beautiful who can move on from this. Respect yourself and know that you deserve more than breadcrumbs. 2
Author swiftly333 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 thanks so much for that. I don't think I am going to deactivate my FB because of this, but I have learned my lesson about giving into temptation and allowing this coworker tempt me into checking up on him. I shall remove all traces of him on my FB to avoid the temptation as well. I do deserve more then being someones plan B. I refuse to accept that.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 The main lessons to take away from this are... When someone breaks up with you they aren't doing it because they want you or because they want you to fight for them. They are not asking for your permission or for your approval either. When someone breaks up with you... They feel, think, believe, know that there is someone / something that is better for them out there and their life is better without you in it. Because of that... It's 100% certain that they desire / want / will date someone else, it's only a matter of when. Finally... It's not a Dumpee's job to get a Dumper to want you back. It's the Dumper's job to get a Dumpee to want them back. Ah yes, but you see, in this case I am the dumper and he the dumpee.... but I guess it no longer feels that way, as I tried to reconcile and it seems he is rejecting me, he just doesnt have the decency to say so.
SalientPoint Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Ah yes, but you see, in this case I am the dumper and he the dumpee.... but I guess it no longer feels that way, as I tried to reconcile and it seems he is rejecting me, he just doesnt have the decency to say so. True, but I think it's a slippery slope now. I read some of your past posts, and I think it all depends on how much you really tried to communicate with the guy about your displeasure before you actually ended up dumping him. If you feel he truly was being completely dismissive of your feelings, then you're pretty much better off right now because it was never going to change if he didn't take your concerns into account before it got to this point. If you thought you were being too hasty upon further thought, then it super super sucks but sometimes it's just what happens if you start riding the break up train. Only you know the real situation. I've been on both sides of the coin so I can understand how either situation can suck, but being on the kind of older end of people here I've had time to learn from both. I don't start talking break up talk until the person has completely disregarded my feelings many times, and even then I don't pull the trigger until I've lost all faith. That is still difficult and takes lots of time though. And I'd also be guilty of lying if I didn't say sometimes I still might prematurely bring up break up talk, but it's something I actively worked on with last ex.
Author swiftly333 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 Why do we sometimes still hold onto hope when we know better. Part of me still wants to try.... But I need to out those ideas behind me! At this point I cannot trust him; and this damages the relationship more to the point that I dont think it would ever work. So knowing all this, why do we hold on?
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