I think I'm done

[SJC2008]

I hate to be so cyinnical but I'm done. I blame most of it on OLD but women I met IRL plaeyed games too so mabye OLD is a better sample of the real world than I thought.

 

I'm just tired of every single aspect of it, starting with the first call to making a move. I hate everything about how you're supposed to "act" in a relationship. I just want to be myself and be happy. I don't want or need the drama if anpower struggle to show a woman I'll walk away. I don't want to be tested or have to check my woman to remind her just because I'm nice doesn't mean I'm a pushover. I don't want to have to pry out of you what's wrong, YOU need to tell me.

 

I think I'm damaged beyond repair. I don't think I'll ever be able to let my guard down to let a woman it. The funny thing is that a woman has never tried to get to know me beyond the surface. There is no intimacy in relationships nowdays. The divorce rate is horrible, people gig and cheat. I'm starting to think mabye I don't want to get into this shytty night club!

[outsidethebox]

After 2,385 posts? I don't believe you.

[SJC2008]

After 2,385 posts? I don't believe you.

 

Lol! I meant with dating. I can't give up the juicy gossip and drama of LS now!

[Mme. Chaucer]

I haven't read all your threads, but I've read a few.

 

Where have you got all this information about what what relationships are?

 

When you talk about "your woman," are you talking about a hypothetical woman, or women you've been going on a few dates with?

 

Why have you allowed dates that don't lead to LTR's, or meeting people online, to "damage you beyond repair"? That is YOUR issue. You're just meeting people.

 

Seems like you are going about dating with all kinds of wrong preconceived notions and expectations.

 

Power struggles, tests, etc. are never appropriate, but especially when you just are getting to know new people.

 

All you need to do is "be yourself" like you want to, and do your best to have a good time and to BE a good time. Pay attention to who you are out with. Stay in the moment. Check out with yourself whether you'd like to go out with her again. If you would, then do.

 

That is IT. All your fears and projections are wrong.

[xpaperxcutx]

I realize the same pattern exists with most people who commit themselves to dating online- they don't know when to draw the lines of what's acceptable behavior and what's not.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Stop trying to hard and wanting it so bad and stop O.L.D.

 

Put yourself in situations / environments that attract quality people. Like Church, Charity Events, Fundraisers, Community Service Projects, etc.

 

Every done something like Habitat for Humanity or a Humane Society Charity Event?

 

Not only is it a hell of a lot of fun, you making a difference in people or animals lives... There are more women than men. I'm talking about quality and attractive ones too.

 

Not only that, if / when you do get a date... Taking this person to something like that is one of the greatest dates you can possible do / have.

 

My advice...

 

O.L.D. attracts in very large numbers... Losers, players, rebounders, desperate, can't be alone, introverts, cheaters, liars (half the people I know who O.L.D. either lie or meet people who lied all over their profile or with their pictures), screwed up people, people who are married or in relationship already, needy, co-dependent, perverts, skanks, attention whores, etc.

 

Ordering dates / someone off a "menu" isn't normal, natural or romantic so STOP.

 

Take a timeout. Quit trying / forcing yourself to date. Make your goal to get out there with the sole purpose of meeting new people. Meeting and becoming friends with other guys should be a part of that too. After all, they know and have female friends too and will invite you to new and exciting things as well. Also, do things that you enjoy and just let "it" (meeting someone who you want and should date) happen in a normal and natural way surrounded with quality people like yourself.

 

Very true IME.

 

My guy friends that do OLD tend to be players (and use OLD as a supplement to getting girls IRL) and my female friends that do OLD are the girls that don't get quality guys IRL.

 

It's important to note that these girls are actually pretty, but they seem to be attracted to (and only get hit on by) losers. Needless to say, they're all still alone and don't find what they're looking for on OLD either.

[carhill]

OP, IMO, it's OK to 'be done'. You feel how you feel. Lots of life to live.

[SJC2008]

I haven't read all your threads, but I've read a few.

 

Where have you got all this information about what what relationships are?

 

When you talk about "your woman," are you talking about a hypothetical woman, or women you've been going on a few dates with?

 

Why have you allowed dates that don't lead to LTR's, or meeting people online, to "damage you beyond repair"? That is YOUR issue. You're just meeting people.

 

Seems like you are going about dating with all kinds of wrong preconceived notions and expectations.

 

Power struggles, tests, etc. are never appropriate, but especially when you just are getting to know new people.

 

All you need to do is "be yourself" like you want to, and do your best to have a good time and to BE a good time. Pay attention to who you are out with. Stay in the moment. Check out with yourself whether you'd like to go out with her again. If you would, then do.

 

That is IT. All your fears and projections are wrong.

 

Thanks for the candid response!

 

I didn't want to write a crazy long post but it looks like it's gonna happen anyway... It looks like I need to calify some things. Yes I meant a hypothetical GF. Also, when I say damaged beyone repari I mean overall, not just from OLD. I mean from my first gf destroying me to when I finally started to date again in my late 20's and OLD putting me over the top.

 

I do admit to this site clouding my mind about how relationshps are supposed to be in that men shouldn't be vulnerable and insecure around women becasue the don't like it and she needs to "know" you'll leave her at the drop of a hat...

 

Evey woman I have dated in my life has been a game player, flake, passive aggressive and or controlling. My first gf gutted me at 17, I was shy. I didn't really care anymore I think I shut down subconsciously. I got a date when I was 23ish and got stood up even though when we met she was all over me like white on you know what. I blew one opp where some girl liked me at the age of 24 I think it was subconscious again and I wasn't too attracted to her. I started trying again when I was 29, met a customer at my job, took her to dinner and was her therapist for an hour and she played hard to get and I called her out on it and she said she wasn't ready to date. Well I signed up for OLD and guess who was on it? Big ego blow to say the least! I met another customer at my job and she was wishy washy. I ran into an old crush (first thread here!) and she flaked until I got the "hint". All the women I've met online who I did get dates from most were super passive and or controlling. My longest courtship was 6 weeks but I was a rebound so it wasn't real.

 

I've tried everything under the sun and have looked at me and tried to improve and I have but you can only look at yourself so much before it wears you down to rock bottom. TBS I've yet to meet a relationship worthy woman by my standards. I'm not looking for perfection just someone who admits to not being perfect and can admit when they're wrong, beleives a relationship is a two way street, is a good communicator and is honest and genuine!

[SJC2008]

Go out to a bar or club or whatever. Find a girl you find attractive (Preferably standing at the bar) walk up next to her to order a drink (NOT FOR HER). Look at her, smile. Then say something totally unexpected: "Like that shirt looks terrible." Or "You actually wore those shoes in public?" Then walk away. I will bet you money, she will come find you and strike up a conversation or she will eye **** you until you come over and do so.

 

Sound stupid? It is. But you'd be surprised how well it works. Because it serves a purpose. Don't play their game, make them play yours. Women like to be chased and they're used to guys chasing them. So flip it on them. Make them chase you.

 

I appretiate your advice but this is a prime example of what I'm talking about. This isn't how meeting a woman should be, whether it works or not.

[SJC2008]

I don't want to come accross as narcissitc, I'm NOT but sometimes I think I'm not shytty enough for this world.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I don't want to come accross as narcissitc, I'm NOT but sometimes I think I'm not shytty enough for this world.

 

It seems like your only options are to:

 

1) Invent a time machine and go back in time to when women relied on men to live.

 

2) Go to a country where women rely on men to live.

 

3) Change your personality.

 

4) Keep posting on LS and being alone.

[SJC2008]

It seems like your only options are to:

 

1) Invent a time machine and go back in time to when women relied on men to live.

 

2) Go to a country where women rely on men to live.

 

3) Change your personality.

 

4) Keep posting on LS and being alone.

 

I doubt it's my personality. I'm a pretty cool guy, I'm funny, can be witty here and there, just an all around guy. OTOH most of the women I've dated couldn't tell a joke if they had a script in front of them.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I doubt it's my personality. I'm a pretty cool guy, I'm funny, can be witty here and there, just an all around guy. OTOH most of the women I've dated couldn't tell a joke if they had a script in front of them.

 

If you had a personality that attracted women, you wouldn't make threads like this.

[SJC2008]

If you had a personality that attracted women, you wouldn't make threads like this.

 

I'v you've read the thread I can get dates. This is about being jaded and not meeting quality women.

[SJC2008]

Remember "You didn't show interest" thread? Well a week before that I was talking to another girl I met at the bar and at one point I told her lets dance and she put her hands up like I was being pushy. So one week I'm pushy, the other week I don't show enough interest. I'm either not falling into their microscopic "window" or, when I am getting dates, getting dates with flakes and BSC women.

[Noproblem]

Don't you ever give up; just stop searching for it, and it will come in the right time .....

[SJC2008]

You online date and meet women in bars... No wonder you think women evil and the Spawn of Satan.

 

Do you care to acknowledge, comment or attempt some of the things I suggested on page 1 or are you just venting?

 

Most of what I replied to mme. chaucer covers it.

 

Yes I've met women online and at bars but I've met women outside those venues and my results weren't better. My 1st gf was a co-worker. I met the one who stood me up wile bowling with coworkers. The other two I met at work as customers. There were two other customers I got #'s from who I didn't pursue due to deal breakers. So I can get dates IRL but I'm tired of the games and flakiness, if they're luke warm they should decline, not use me for a free dinner and therapy session.

 

I have taken a break/ given up.

 

I Like your ideas about volunteering but I don't want to do it just to meet women, that seems strange. I should do it because I want to.

 

I thought about going back to church but that doesn't guarentee anyhing. I was raised in the church and my mother is controlling and my father was abusive at times so those people can be found in churches too. I just feel like I'm screwed either way I turn.

[SJC2008]

Don't you ever give up; just stop searching for it, and it will come in the right time .....

 

Other than the girl that stood me up at 23 and the one I didn't like at 24 (I think it was 25/26 looking back), I didn't search from 17-29, that doesn't work. But I was happy beleive it or not. Once I hit 29 it hit home and has bothered me since. I'm 31.

[SJC2008]

You are not going to do / choose what you think could / would work but are going to continue to do / choose to be miserable instead?

 

Gotcha! I will stop offering you advice and leave you too it.

 

So women who volunteer and go to church don't flake and play games? If that's what you're implying than yes, do stop giving me advice.

 

I already told you I think volunteering with an ulterior motive is wrong. I should do it because I care about the particular event, not to meet a woman. If you can't respect that, oh well.

 

My point is that it's hard to meet quality people no matter where you go and I'm tired of it. I don't even want to ask a woman out again because of the amount of flakes/BCS women you have to go through to find a good one. It IS a numbers game.

 

Ultimately I do want to get back to the church and get involved with the royal rangers. If I meet someone I'll be happy but I'm not going to do it just to meet someone.

[number122]

Hm...I can pretty much agree with everyone here.. How to say this.

 

Hm.

 

Yes, you are painting with only black colors, but I can see you where are you coming from. You have to accept that women are like that. They are natural born judges. It's their instict. That's what they "learned" since they were a child. By media, by films, by friends. By everyone/everything. It's natural for them.

 

 

First:

They WILL test you, throw their **** at you, make you insecure, check you out from time to time. It's instinct for them. They WILL try to offbalance you in every way they can.

 

And the most important thing is:

 

YOU.CAN.NEVER.JUDGE.THEM.FOR.THIS!

 

They will sense it. Every women in this god damn planet can sense what's inside you. (once again, genes/instinct/). No matter how you try to hide it. That's the second. Don't judge women for what they are or for what they do. Yes, most of them are shallow, yes most of them will play games, yes, most of them will open your heart and **** in it, yes they will always try to overthrow you/control you.

 

That's what everyone (including their own body/brain) "tells" then to do. Most of the time they are not even aware of it. For example a woman may tell you that they want a taller man than you and the next day they are happily kissing/dating with a shorter man than you. Did they lie? No. They didn't. Atleast from their viewpoint. Facts don't matter much, how things make them feel, THAT's what matters. (so the guy may be shorther than you, but he makes her feel "secure" so he is "tall"..)

 

That's how it goes. They seek an unshakable pillar. It doesn't matter that there's no such human in this world who's unshakable.

 

Not that I dated much women and have the same experience as you. Just take my words with a grain of salt.

[xxoo]

I already told you I think volunteering with an ulterior motive is wrong. I should do it because I care about the particular event, not to meet a woman. If you can't respect that, oh well.

 

My point is that it's hard to meet quality people no matter where you go and I'm tired of it. I don't even want to ask a woman out again because of the amount of flakes/BCS women you have to go through to find a good one. It IS a numbers game.

 

Ultimately I do want to get back to the church and get involved with the royal rangers. If I meet someone I'll be happy but I'm not going to do it just to meet someone.

 

No, you aren't supposed to do it just to meet someone.

 

The point is that the high quality people DO care about things other than dating, and are busy making the world a better place. If you want to date one of them, you may have to be one of them.

 

I doubt it's my personality. I'm a pretty cool guy, I'm funny, can be witty here and there, just an all around guy. OTOH most of the women I've dated couldn't tell a joke if they had a script in front of them.

 

Expand your social circle, mingle with new women, and date someone who laughs at your jokes.

[Sunshine87]

What does OLD mean? What does GIGGS mean?

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/228723-loveshack-terminology-guide-acronyms-forum-shorthand-2.html#post4828370

Edited April 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Add link to description of terms.

[BluEyeL]

I hate to be so cyinnical but I'm done. I blame most of it on OLD but women I met IRL plaeyed games too so mabye OLD is a better sample of the real world than I thought.

 

I'm just tired of every single aspect of it, starting with the first call to making a move. I hate everything about how you're supposed to "act" in a relationship. I just want to be myself and be happy. I don't want or need the drama if anpower struggle to show a woman I'll walk away. I don't want to be tested or have to check my woman to remind her just because I'm nice doesn't mean I'm a pushover. I don't want to have to pry out of you what's wrong, YOU need to tell me.

 

I think I'm damaged beyond repair. I don't think I'll ever be able to let my guard down to let a woman it. The funny thing is that a woman has never tried to get to know me beyond the surface. There is no intimacy in relationships nowdays. The divorce rate is horrible, people gig and cheat. I'm starting to think mabye I don't want to get into this shytty night club!

 

I'm sorry you feel that way, I know it is hard. I think is a question of not finding the right match, someone who you like and they like you back. Recover from whatever upset you know and get back out when you're ready. Good luck, it can work out in the end.

[pbjbear]

Gah another post where they blame the OP.

 

Nothing wrong with SJC. There are alot of ****ty people in this world and narcissism is the new social style. Its easy to have bad luck nowadays.

 

Ignore all these people SJC

[SJC2008]

Truth is, you don't want to be happy and you want to be miserable.

 

I'm not miserable at all. I'm frustrated with my dating life but I'm still a happy person. I'm pretty good at compartmenatalizing it but sometimes it does get me down overall.

 

How do I know?

 

Because you refuse to change, try something different or do a damn thing about it.

 

Wow you can sumize this from one thread? When I started to try to date again at 29 and asked those women I met at work for numbers that was the first time in my life I asked a stranger for a phone number so do you think that was easy? If that's not stepping out of your comfort zone what is? I'd say that was doing something about being singe in being more proactive.

 

You have become like many of the other posters on here... bitch, bitch, bitch and paint the entire opposite sex black so you feel better about yourself.

 

I make a conscious effort to be objective. Sure I've said some sterotypical things in shallowness threads and OLD threads but I don't paint the entire opposite sex as bad nor do I tear them down to lift me up. It's not in my nature to knock someone down to boost me. I constantly beat home that my take is not gender specific and that people in general are selfsih. Anyone here who knows my posting history knows I don't side with one gender and I've never been called bitte or a woman hater here. I read the thread, give my opinion and call it how I see it. If the guys a jerk I say so if the woman's a B I say so. I get quite a few likes from female posters on my opinions feel free to look at them.

 

 

Most of us have tried to tell you that your attitude / thought process / mindset / views / expectations about women, dating and relationships become a self-fulfilling prophecy because the only women who will pay for crimes she didn't commit and give you the time of day are going to be "unhealthy" ones who will live up and meet your view / expectations and screw you over.

 

Your perception is not reality and as much as you want to make it so... There are BILLIONS of happy couples all over this world and you see and run into TONS of them on a daily basis. Which of course is painful and torture to someone like you because it forces you to deal with the fact that deep down you know you are the problem and the one to blame.

 

You have a choice, choose wisely.

 

I'm a very self aware person and I know what my shortcommings and issues are. I've made threads about some of them. I know what you mean about self fulfilling prophecys and have thought about that too. TBS I'm not going to go through life with blinders on and I see what the real world is like and you act like we live in so fairy tale world where good natured people are every where.

 

Yes there are happy couples out there and it's not torture for me. When I do see them I wish I could find something like that.

 

I'm not perfect and am the first to admit it. I can take tactful criticism but saying I want to be miserable and that seeing happy couples is like torture for me is downright insulting!!!

Edited April 24, 2013 by SJC2008