KatZee Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 When you find yourself on the short end(getting dumped), its easy to become cynical about things.... It is easy. And it's the easy way out to just become some hardened uncaring and jaded person. The hard part is actually facing what happened, working through it, and emerging as a stronger, smarter, healthier person, WITH morals intact. It's so easy to fall on the other side of the fence. Become the "selfish a.sshole" and take your anger and pain out on other people. But honestly what good does that really do in the long run? 1. You're still angry and upset 2. Now you're screwing with someone else It's a snowball effect with bad relationships and I think people need to wake up and realize that they put their hurt on other people, thus screwing up another set of people, they then go on and screw other people... And THIS is why so many relationships are garbage. This is why people don't care. This is why people go around on these threads saying they hate all men, they hate all women. Everything is hate, hate, hate. And anger, and "getting even" and "holding the power." The strong people are the one's who get screwed over, who get knocked down, but then they get right back up, stronger than ever with their code of ethics intact. At the end of the day, when you look at life in general, be it jobs, relationships,. friendships, whatever. There is always some using going on. Absolutely, but not EVERYONE is a user of people. I was listening to something on TV this week and a man described categories of people like an aircraft. Lift Thrust Weight Drag Stick to people who LIFT you up and who push you and THRUST you forward. Stay away from people who WEIGH you and DRAG you down. If you recognize a person is using you and being a weight or a drag, eliminate them from your life. Keep them at arms distance. Is life unfair? Is it full of tests for you to work through and pass? Yes. But if I need to be a user/abuser to wind up on top, I'm sorry I'm not playing that game. I could never in good conscience use someone or abuse someone for my own gain/benefit. And I know I can't be alone in my way of thinking. Scumbags win? How do they win? Sure they may APPEAR to be on top of the world, but lets as honestly... how HAPPY are you with your life and on the inside? People who are scumbags, users, cheaters, abusers, liars, players, and so on and so forth, are so broken inside. They have such issues with their own self that they act out to make everyone else miserable. So what role are YOU going to play today?
Chi townD Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Well, I really want you to think about this... You met up with the Ex and you stated that you still have love for your Ex and probably always will. That, my friend, is NOT a state of indifference. You're still carrying a torch for your Ex. The flame might be ready to go out, but it's still burning a little. Now, how is that fair for the girl that you're currently dating? Don't you think that she deserves a guy that can full commit 100% to a relationship and possibly more? A girl should be made to feel like she's number one in your life. Meeting up with your Ex for lunch and basically saying (maybe not outright) that you're wishing that the two of you were still together; well, that's just not fair to the girl that didn't nothing to you other than try to get to know you. Perhaps, you're not ready to date yet.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 It is easy. And it's the easy way out to just become some hardened uncaring and jaded person. The hard part is actually facing what happened, working through it, and emerging as a stronger, smarter, healthier person, WITH morals intact. It's so easy to fall on the other side of the fence. Become the "selfish a.sshole" and take your anger and pain out on other people. But honestly what good does that really do in the long run? 1. You're still angry and upset 2. Now you're screwing with someone else It's a snowball effect with bad relationships and I think people need to wake up and realize that they put their hurt on other people, thus screwing up another set of people, they then go on and screw other people... And THIS is why so many relationships are garbage. This is why people don't care. This is why people go around on these threads saying they hate all men, they hate all women. Everything is hate, hate, hate. And anger, and "getting even" and "holding the power." The strong people are the one's who get screwed over, who get knocked down, but then they get right back up, stronger than ever with their code of ethics intact. Absolutely, but not EVERYONE is a user of people. I was listening to something on TV this week and a man described categories of people like an aircraft. Lift Thrust Weight Drag Stick to people who LIFT you up and who push you and THRUST you forward. Stay away from people who WEIGH you and DRAG you down. If you recognize a person is using you and being a weight or a drag, eliminate them from your life. Keep them at arms distance. Is life unfair? Is it full of tests for you to work through and pass? Yes. But if I need to be a user/abuser to wind up on top, I'm sorry I'm not playing that game. I could never in good conscience use someone or abuse someone for my own gain/benefit. And I know I can't be alone in my way of thinking. Scumbags win? How do they win? Sure they may APPEAR to be on top of the world, but lets as honestly... how HAPPY are you with your life and on the inside? People who are scumbags, users, cheaters, abusers, liars, players, and so on and so forth, are so broken inside. They have such issues with their own self that they act out to make everyone else miserable. So what role are YOU going to play today? Look, understand me here...I am with you...No matter how much I feel I have been given the short end, I live with it and generally dont hold grudges or let it get the better of me. Others dont. Frankly, who am I to tell someone how to cope with THEIR loss in the way THEY desire, so long as it doesnt infringe upon me or my family. Its their deal.. On the second point...Yes, I have discovered that people who are ashholes do win. You know why? They dont have a guilty conscience like you/I/ or any other person on the street. They go about life with a moral compass that doens't let them get bothered. I sold a business I owned some years ago to a guy that was an absolute crook. I put my heart and soul into running an honorable and ethical business on all fronts. When I met this guy he seemed like the nicest guy in the world. A real stand up guy. I thought he would just continue to run the business in the same fashion that I did. Nope. He was a cheating, lyinig, immoral d-bag that would screw over his own mother for a dollar. And he made well more money than i did out of the business. He eventually ran it into the ground, but that was his intention from the start. He didnt pay the suppliers and got out of Dodge.....Set up somewhere else and do it again. You think he worries about not getting any sleep? Nope....Its easy when you dont have a considerate bone in your body. Thats my point. TFY
Author McGriff Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 Ok people, you are getting all huffy. I have no plans to go back to the ex without some kind of whole hearted attempt at reconciling. I'm talking the right words backed up by action. And honestly, I pretty much know that ain't gonna happen. Like anyone else, someone who I love and care about, asked me to have a drink with them. I'm gonna do that to see if there's any fire left, give the relationship a full effort all the way to the bitter end. But again, I'm realistic. I know she just got cheated on, her ego is bruised, and where better to turn than the guy you know is gonna be there for some uplift. I'll be that guy, for the time being, but I am also one foot out the door and open to new relationships. I will continue to date the new girl, because I enjoy her company. We've had two really good dates and a third is lined up. Am I still in the grips of a former romance? Yep. Should I probably take some time off to completely heal and become indifferent? Uh huh. But I can't control when I meet someone. Sometimes it happens when you least expect it or are ready. Again, I TOLD HER MY SITUATION, and she is content on moving forward anyway. At some point I may develop feelings. I usually do, as I fall in love very easily with someone I really like. The thing is, I'm starting to be happy again, and I haven't been able to say that in a couple months. So everybody chill out. 1
KatZee Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 You think he worries about not getting any sleep? Nope....Its easy when you dont have a considerate bone in your body. TFY Yep, and I stay away from people like this. And I'm still wondering deep down how happy a person can be just running businesses into the ground, picking up and moving to a new city/state or whatever. They have no roots, no solid circle of friends, no real support system if he'd just throw anyone under the bus for a buck. Seems more like a sad existence than anything else.
IS IT Better late Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 McGriff, Keep doing what you're a doing, I might be generalizing but what he's doing how many girls do it all the time? In general most girls don't want be alone and single for long so they will find a dude who will give them the attention they crave until another dude who they really want comes along and they will quickly drop the first dude. Let's not act like girls are these sweet innocent creatures who always have other ppl's best interests in mind. For the most part they are very selfish, so what's wrong with McGriff and other dude's like him to be selfish too. Don't intentionally mislead the new girl b/c that is def wrong... but do what's best for you. That's what I've learned over the years. I
KatZee Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Let's not act like girls are these sweet innocent creatures who always have other ppl's best interests in mind. For the most part they are very selfish, Way to generalize. I can say the same for most men I meet.
Chi townD Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Way to generalize. I can say the same for most men I meet. Not me! I'm a sweetheart!
AKisBaked Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 I think you're playing with fire honestly. I think you're being unfair to your new girlfriend. I think you need to be single to get over your ex. I think you're lying to yourself when you say you're fine with whatever way it goes, because prior to saying that you say, "I have a place in my heart for my ex." I think since you still refer to you and your ex as a "we" that you need to end the relationship with the girl you're dating, as you're not fully emotionally available to her. I think if you genuinely want to date the new girl, you need to cut your ex out. You're the fallback, you're the safety net. The guy she left you for cheated on her. Boo hoo. She's crawling back like any other stereotypical GIGS, self absorbed dumper. There is nothing new here. I think this person is right... your making up excuses for yourself and boosting your ego a bit.. And I strongly agree that your not being fair to your new girl. Why would you be seeing your Ex behind your new girls back... that's not cool... You say you have a part of your ex still in your heart.. that's not a good thing if your "hoping" to get back with her.. Pretty much your just using the new girl as a filler incase if things dont work out with your ex again.... You should just be single.....
Recommended Posts